AGAIN WITH THE MIL ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Angel786]

Firstly sorry as I've posted here before about this and hate to say it but will probably do so again.

MiL came to visit yesterday and as with all her visits she was armed with crap. One free toy she had picked up from cow and gate. Some of her leftover food that she took out the freezer (not enough for DH and I but apparently she deliberately made extra for us) AND...

2 grown up handbags for my 10month old DD. Handbags she says she bought new for DD. Handbags that smell of their house (fried food / cooking curry). Handbags that are dirty inside and have been USED.

This is not the first time this has happened. She tried to pass off her daughter's (35 year old) baby clothes as new from mothercare for my DD and my DH's baby blanket (30 years old) as new from Debenhams. She (badly) made clothes and said she'd bought them.

Don't get me wrong if she said I'm clearing out the shit from my house, do you want it? I would say politely, thanks that's v kind but I've got enough shit. BUT WHAT ANNOYS ME is she LIES! WHY LIE!? WHY pretend this stuff is new?

I am so angry. Does she think I'm stupid?

Help me please someone before my brain implodes....

[ShroudOfHamsters]

She probably is sensitive about not being able to afford stuff.

Could you drop in a few comments about what a great bargain hunter she is, how sensible it is to make do and mend, what's the point of being ripped off by Tesco when you can get x in the pound shop - that's what us thrifty wise types do?

Might help!

[ShroudOfHamsters]

Whoah yeah it's hamster time on this thread baby

[HamstersDontSwim]

I neeeeeeeeeeeed a scary hamster name!

[gardenpixies32]

MIL does this to us too. We get given loads of crap to add to the crap that we already have. Yesterday she gave my DP a tiny frying pan for frying ONE egg in! I didnt say anything, I rarely do.

She also likes to pretend to be a great master baker and claims to have baked cakes, biscuits etc when I have seen the same stuff in Morrisons!

I feel your pain.

[Angel786]

Hamster cheers!

TheRealMrsH - That made me laugh out loud - I also get given old copies of free newspapers like Metro. I just take them, smile say thanks, and put them aside.

the mighty skin - the dolls sound beautiful. Thanks - yes, overall there could be a lot worse problems!

Squeaky you're missing the point - I just don't get why there are lies.

[thinNigella]

Maybe 'new' means something different to her - I mean maybe she's losing it a bit and kind of means they are 'as good as new' type thing??

I sympathise, and would trash the lot as soon as she has gone. Or try the trick with the receipt.

I would try to thank her through gritted teeth, she's obvisouly trying to be kind and genrous, just misguided?!?!

[ShroudOfHamsters]

DeadHamstersDon'tFloat?

HamstersDon'tScrEEEAAAAM?

HamsterGhostsWin?

Sorry OP, hijacking

[BruciesDollyDealer]

yes i remember you from before

you need to go to the grip shop asap :)

[Angel786]

True thin have tried the receipt trick I.e you kindly gave xxx and it is damaged, do you want to return it for an undamaged one - met with radio silence.

The sad thing it makes me question everything she gives, and I don't like seeing myself as so suspicious.

[NhameCage]

I think that older people sometimes have a real problem with giving things to charity or with spending money on high quality stuff. I think it is because they had it drummed into them to be frugal when they were young. My mum is exactly the same, she buys low quality things and poundshop crap even though she earns a whopping salary. It annoys the hell out of me, I'd rather buy less and buy quality but I think older people can't see past the price tag. That's why my mum ends up with a load of shitty stuff.

[WidowWadman]

I find it sad that she feels the need to pass a baby blanket from her son of as "new" rather than being able to point at the sentimental value it could hold.

That she feels the need to tell you that she bought something, rather than admitting that she made it herself!

[duckdodgers]

angel you seem really preoccupied with why she lies, well I think its because she could be embarassed she cant afford new/newer/more expensive stuff - I knwo you say this wouldnt be a problem but she obviously thinks it is!

Wish my MIl was like this and showed an interest in my boys, even if she was buying them "crap".

As for the other stuff, cooking, free toy - thats just thoughtful surely, whats crap about that?

[mamamazzini]

We are constantly given all kinds of crap. It used to annoy the hell out of me - especially when it seems like someone?s just dumping their unwanted rubbish onto you. However, I?ve come to the conclusion that there?s nothing you can do to stop it.
I think most people mean well when they give presents (even if they weirdly lie about them ) I now try to accept them graciously and then stuff them all in a big black bag and head for the nearest charity shop!

[Angel786]

Maybe duck. I think Nham makes a good point. My parents were always thrifty and me too, there's no harm in it. To this day, I only really buy stuff on sale and will sometimes buy stuff in the pound shop etc. But it's finding the balance.

I was also given free toys from Aptamil, Hipp etc when I joined the baby clubs but we just don't have space for it all.

I should just carry on with passing it on to charity shops etc as I have been, it just irks me that there are silly white lies. Duck's right - the lying does preoccupy me, a bit too much .

Widow I thought the baby blanket was v sweet and have kept it (and will use for any future babies), the sentimental value is v cute. Also, I have put DD in some of the clothes MiL made when MiL visits, (even tho they're too awful to leave the house in) as she put a lot of effort into them. I'd just rather she is straight up.

[ledkr]

My Mum does this all the time.I never leave her house without bags of stuff,some of it is great but this summer dd2 had 8 different pairs of short dungarees which i am never going to use,not to mention dd1's overheating hairdryer or her non working dvd recorder.Mum is a car boot queen btw.Her and my nan never visit without bringing a ton of leftover food,i think they just like to be helpfull tbh.
By way of contrast my mil has never bought my children anything apart form a cheap stuffed rabbit for the new baby so count your blessings haha

[Angel786]

True led it can have an upside. Like now we have no phone to test for the internet connection, MiL turns up with several (old ones which she happens to have at home). I am sure her house is just an Aladdin's Cave of random stuff from through the years.

[TimothyClaypoleLover]

OP, I think you are making too much of an issue about the "lies" rather than whether you actually want the stuff. I feel for you as my MIL constantly buys crap from car boot sales. Before anyone starts, I don't have a problem with second hand stuff its just the stuff she buys is totally inappropriate for a baby or is broken. We have told MIL that anything she buys must stay at her house as we don't have room.

[Angel786]

I like your thinking there Timothy - I could say "That's lovely, why don't you keep it at your house so DD can play with it there"... Thanks

[biddysmama]

my grandma does this, sends us food (bbe 1987 noodles anyone?) broken electrical things and things without instructions (vacuum bread bin??yoghurt maker?)

it annoys me aswell but shes old so i just ignore it

[mumofbumblebea]

OP i can understand i have a similar situation with my MIL. i actually wouldn't mind if she brought round stuff that used to belong to her kids or she got from the Pound shop and just told me that's where it was from, like in your case, i don't get why your MIL didn't just say "i've brought some old handbags round that i don't wear anymore, i thought your DD might like to play with them" (still a bit annoying that they are too old for her atm and dirty but at least she is being honest). my MIL buys clothes from these factory outlet stores that are no where near us and they are always too flippin small for my DD, really gets on my wick but at least she tries. like you i buy stuff from the pound shop even though i could afford more and i accept lots of second hand stuff from my sister, and MIL knows this, so when she does lie about where stuff comes from it almost feels a bit insulting, like she thinks i would look down on her for some reason? or that she wants to look more generous than she is? sadly the only thing we can do is grin and bear it, but nothing wrong with a good old internet ramble :)

[mumofbumblebea]

btw i also live in a 2 bed house and i completely understand about not wanting clutter! i went mad last week and got rid of loads of my DDs toys and only kept the best ones that she plays with and have asked people not to buy her a lot of toys now! my daughter plays much better and gets more out of having fewer toys that are better quality than loads of tat.

[mumofbumblebea]

also in terms of food, to be fair some older people (presuming their older) do have smaller portion sizes generally so she may have thought she had dome enough for you both?

[Angel786]

Thanks mumble - yes I kind of use MN as a bit of a ranting board sometimes as it's safer than exploding in RL! There's a strange comfort in knowing I'm not the only one suffering, although of course wouldn't wish it upon you!

Biddy - I also had a kitchen clear out a few months ago. Initiated after I found some lice type things in chilli powder MiL had given. Had packets of cooking sauces MiL had given which were years out of date (given to me recently). Suffer from a v sensitive tummy too so wary of out of date stuff. Now - anything not in a sealed packet or expired goes in the bin I am afraid.

[NanaNina]

OMG I think all these mils should be banned from entering the homes of you young mums, and as for daring to bring things, toys, old bags, meals that aren't big enough - well that is just beyond the pale.

Many of you will be mils yourselves one day and you might be the one taking the crap to your dil (the ageing process does actually affect how one functions) but I hope for your sakes you have more understanding dils than some of you lot. Yes yes I now it's a ranting board. Think I'll start one about dils - it's a 2 way street you know - I could tell you some right horrible stories of dils - anyone want to hear them??
I will now take cover behind the sofa with my tin hat on ......................

[skybluepearl]

Stuff doesn't have to be new to be of use. I have many reat second hand or old items.

I think you just have to accept her items and then charity shop them the moment she leaves. Be ruthless and only keep the special/nice things.

Alternitivly you could always ask to keep the things at MIL's house so that DD has toys to play with when she visits.