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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to hate the term frape?

30 replies

DreamsOfSteam · 27/09/2011 14:30

I hate it. I think it is a awful mis-use of the word rape.

Clearly having someone post on your facebook account is not anyway near comparable to the act of rape.

I have never been raped but can imagine how it might feel to see 'someone fraped me, Ha Ha, aren't you funny!' to someone who has been a genuine victim of rape.

I also hate to hear people describing some minor set back as rape. I have heard people describe losing a darts match/having to pay more than they wanted for something etc as being raped.

Have they no respect for the true meaning of what it is to be raped and how truely awful it is to compare it to something so mundane.

OP posts:

pearlym · 27/09/2011 14:54

waht does frape mean?

pearlym · 27/09/2011 14:56

The crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse.

The act of seizing and carrying off by force; abduction.
Abusive or improper treatment; violation: a rape of justice.

tr.v. raped, rap·ing, rapes

To force (another person) to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse; commit rape on.
To seize and carry off by force.
To plunder or pillage.

Arguably, th use of the word rape is permissible wehne describing things other than focible sexual activity. However, I think weh nused the people using it do not have definition 3 above in mind, but are using the word in its commonly understood form as a way to emphasise or dramatise the generally petty problem which they have encountered, so YANBU

aldiwhore · 27/09/2011 14:56

To be honest I do think its used too liberally but I donot get offended. Most people know the difference between the word and the actual sexual act.

SkiLift · 27/09/2011 14:57

never heard of it. What does it mean actually?

jenfraggle · 27/09/2011 14:58

frape = facebook rape. When someone else uses your account without you realising. Happens mostly when you leave your account logged in and leave the computer while others are around.

ElderberrySyrup · 27/09/2011 15:06

I hate it, I think it contributes to an overall trivialisation of rape.

I am sure people using it do know the difference between real rape and frape and that is the whole point - they think they are being ever so slightly racy and shocking by using the term. It's like those pro-rape pages on Facebook, I'm sure people think they are being a bit rebellious by liking them.

SkiLift · 27/09/2011 15:10

oh i see, thanks jen

MummyPenguin · 27/09/2011 15:46

I'm with you on that, DreamsOfSteam. Not neccesarily for the reasons you said, although I completely understand where you're coming from, it's not nice to hear the word rape even when it's said as frape. I just find it an irritating term. My DC's are Facebook mad so they say it quite a lot and I just find it cringeworthy and naff. Yes, they are most amused by putting 'I have to confess to being gay' as each other's status updates when the owner of that account isn't around. That could bring us onto another subject altogether....

WomansWeekly · 27/09/2011 15:50

not this boring moan again

you dont like it, dont use it, simple

it will pass, same as all fads do

Original poster

DreamsOfSteam · 27/09/2011 16:07

Sorry to be boring you womansWeekly. I haven't come across this as a discussion before, but if it has been done to death already than I appolagize.

Although if that is the case than surely that says something doen't it?

OP posts:

ThePopsicleKat · 27/09/2011 16:13

This thread has been done to death recently. Language evolves. We all use serious words in less serious contexts, e.g. the word 'kill' for killing time, killing a thread, could murder a pint, etc. Why no outcry about this? Would families of murder victims not be sensitive to this too? But no, because using a word in a new way does not have to detract from the other meanings of it. I don't think some of my friends who use 'frape' for a minute think that rape is excusable or funny. It just gives a bit of a shock effect, maybe even a form of gallows humour to make difficult concepts easier to deal with.

The act of rape deserves your anger. The word 'frape' - which, as WomansWeekly says, is just a fad and will probably not last very long - is not, really. It is juvenile though, I'll give you that.

ElderberrySyrup · 27/09/2011 16:14

Why should you have to apologise DreamsofSteam?

If WomansWeekly doesn't like it she doesn't have to read the thread.

projectbabyweight · 27/09/2011 16:16

YANBU. Maybe it needs "doing to death" until people realise how dumb it is?

StewieGriffinsMom · 27/09/2011 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jumpyjan · 27/09/2011 16:30

YANBU I hate it too.

Also YANBU to to have not known that this had been discussed before (me neither) and to have started a thread about it.

gilmoregirl · 27/09/2011 16:32

I find it offensive and would not use it or respect someone else who did.

I was shocked during the summer while out in my garden to hear the young lads in the next garden using the term "rape" to mean "something that pissed me off". I couldn't work out what they meant at first but it soom bacame clear. They obviously thought it was like really cool and used it countless times over the course of one afternoon as they became more and more drunk

"yeah like my part time job is totally raping me yeah" What???? Oh right - it's pissing you off right great use of language and oh so amusing

Original poster

DreamsOfSteam · 27/09/2011 16:34

thanks jumpyjan

OP posts:

BelfastBloke · 27/09/2011 16:40

I used to find it really offensive and would chastise people who used it. Because I'm close to people who have been raped.

But the last time this was discussed on Mumsnet the thread changed my mind. I now think it's part of the evolution of language. And I can see how the dictionary definition for rape of 'plunder and pillage' is being used correctly in 'frape'.

I'd still never use it myself. But I've stopped telling other people off.

worraliberty · 27/09/2011 16:43

The word 'rape' also means 'violation' and not necessarily of the sexual kind.

I really do think it's taken too literally by some...it's just another silly fad that will pass.

Original poster

DreamsOfSteam · 27/09/2011 16:58

I get that it can be shown to be being used in the correct context, but given that that definition of rape as violation is not the most widely used or the most serious offence that it is used to describe, it seems to me to be in poor taste

OP posts:

worraliberty · 27/09/2011 17:00

Yes it's in poor taste, but then so many expressions used by young people are.

Whenever I see someone has 'fraped' a status update, I don't equate it to one person forcing sex upon another though.

minimisschief · 27/09/2011 17:02

well if you get it out of your head that they are using it to describe a forced sexual act and actually read the definition of rape then it shouldn't bother you.

Words have many meanings. Just because one meaning is more predominant than another doesn't make the other meanings not exist anymore.

Tyr · 27/09/2011 17:07

Where I come from, people say "I could murder a cup of tea" (actually heard a judge say it once)
It doesn't trivialise the crime of murder. Language evolves and should be allowed to do so.

worraliberty · 27/09/2011 17:10

That's a great example actually Tyr

SixtyFootDoll · 27/09/2011 17:23

I dislike the term.

And as it happens most topics on here have been done over and over.
Who put Women's weekly and popsicle in charge?

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