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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there are still lines you don't cross?

45 replies

BookNerd · 22/09/2011 14:25

Or maybe it should be - AIB naive?

In short... AIBU to think that making a play (sending risque texts etc) for a man with a wife and baby daughter is totally unacceptable or is all really fair in love and war?

I know it takes two to tango but I thought there were lines you didn't cross?

I'm so angry! (btw this isn't my DH we're talking about)

OP posts:
Renaissance227 · 22/09/2011 14:27

It is totally unacceptable so you are not being unreasonable!

Fatshionista · 22/09/2011 14:27

It's extremely unacceptable. YANBU.

TotemPole · 22/09/2011 14:29

Does the other woman know that the man is married with a child?

If so then it's a no no.

SanctiMoanyArse · 22/09/2011 14:30

Unacceptable

sue52 · 22/09/2011 14:30

Only the lowest of the low would behave that way. YANBU.

animula · 22/09/2011 14:31

There's nothing illegal about doing this. Which, I think, makes it a matter of your private, personal beliefs. If that's what you think, and you seem to make other rational decisions, then I think we can assume that you are reasonable in holding that as a personal belief.

I'm also fairly certain that many others will share this belief.

However, if you wanted to have this belief enshrined in law, and have some sort of legal punishment for various forms of ... adultery? flirtation? erotically intended communcation? ... I would call you unreasonable.

EverythingInMiniature · 22/09/2011 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/09/2011 14:31

YANBU but the 'lines' vary from person to person. Go through life expecting others never to cross the same lines that you wouldn't cross and you'll be very disappointed.

ThePumpkinKing · 22/09/2011 14:31

Well, it's obviously a line crossed by many, many people. That sort of thing happens all the time.

It's a line you wouldn't cross, but why? The baby? The pre-existing relationship?

People make funny choices, such is life.

AMumInScotland · 22/09/2011 14:47

The thing about those lines is that people decide them for themselves - and while there may be a general agreement about them, that's only a "majority" view and there will always be people who feel differently.

Always have been, always will be!

Some people reckon its fair game to try, and if they get an encouraging response now and then, it "proves them right"

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/09/2011 14:50
beatrixkitto · 22/09/2011 15:22

That is crossing the line. No doubt about it.

sheepgomeep · 22/09/2011 15:26

this happened to me and my eldest two kids dad .. slaggy 16 year old school girl making a play at my (now ex) boyfriend. He ended up leaving me for her. we had a 3 year old and 17 month old baby daughter.

She used every trick in the book to get him. Bitch.

AKMD · 22/09/2011 15:30

YANBU. Something doesn't have to be illegal to be wrong.

Whatmeworry · 22/09/2011 15:34

YANBU to think its unacceptable, YABU to think that therefore it won't happen. Love is a battlefield....

beatrixkitto · 22/09/2011 15:42

Sheep - that's awful, you poor thing. What a nasty little bitch!

worldgonecrazy · 22/09/2011 15:48

As a pp said, some people don't see that there is a line to be crossed as it does happen - more frequently than most realise. I think that one survey found that 24% of men and 23% of women had been unfaithful. It was an American survey but I'm sure that the figures for the UK would be comparable.

I also don't think it's about "love and war", usually it's about lust and people being led by their hormones and emotions rather than their brains.

Ultimately, the only person we have to look in the eye is ourselves in the mirror each morning.

CailinDana · 22/09/2011 15:49

Eh, if an attached person runs away with a single person, surely the attached person is the one in the wrong?? Sorry to be harsh sheep, but if your ex was that gullible that he could be convinced to run away with someone against his will then he wasn't up to much was he? I find it very very odd that people blame the other man or other woman when a married person strays - a single person can see whomever they like, a married person can't, simple as that. The blame is always always on the married person in my book.

Also if someone sends unsolicited rude texts then all the person receiving them has to do is tell them to back off or block their number. The idea that a totally innocent faithful person can be "tempted" away by someone else is absolute and utter bollocks. If you're faithful no amount of temptation will change that.

mumsamilitant · 22/09/2011 15:53

Ah but sheep the girl was 16! Not quite an adult yet in my book. What about your despicable arse of an ex - he was the one in a relationship.

Flowerista · 22/09/2011 15:57

I think the married person has to have the ultimate responsibility. However, I have known women who know perfectly well that someone is married and pursued them flagrantly and relentlessly. Those women have crossed the line I think and carry a hell of a lot of accountability when the whole thing inevitably goes tits up.

Crosshair · 22/09/2011 15:58

Imo its unacceptable and yanbu. I also find it odd its always seems to be the other man or other woman's fault.

Tchootnika · 22/09/2011 15:59

What sue52 said - such behaviour is indeed only for the lowest of the low.

Interested in various 'live and let live' type posts, though...
Confused

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/09/2011 16:00

Actually, having been in the loser's chair on the 'whole thing goes tits up' situation - XH and OW - I can honestly say that she did me a massive favour. If the DH, DP, DW etc is so spineless that they can't resist a little relentless flattery, then they weren't worth keeping hold of.

Flowerista · 22/09/2011 16:00

Plus I simply dont understand why these women target married guys. If they succumb you've got yourself one big feckless twat on your hands right?

Crosshair · 22/09/2011 16:01

I always thought it was that thing of wanting what you cant have?

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