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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

regarding this playdate

48 replies

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 21/09/2011 15:55

Ok, get to school this afternoon a tad frazzled this afternoon [understatement emoticon] . Life is frenetic at the moment and I'm finding things a bit much . Anyway, DC2 asks can he go to his friend's for tea, friend's parent says that's fine ,all good. DC2's friend has a sibling in DC3's class, as I am walking away after thanking this parent profusely for having DC2 over the parent pipes up "My younger DC would like to come to yours for tea" and looks at me expectantly. Hmm I really can't have this child over tonight, DC1, DC3 and 4 both have things on, I have a meeting to go to and quite frankly I'm bloody knackered.
I have now agreed to have this child over another night even though that night is equally frenetic just so I didn't look too mean but I just feel a bit had. AIBU in thinking that you wait to be invited or am I being a cowbag?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 21/09/2011 15:58

YANBU

Worra fucking liberty

worraliberty · 21/09/2011 15:58

Oooh that looks like I signed my last post with my full name Grin

porcamiseria · 21/09/2011 15:59

ah such is life, lesson learned! its not end of the world
you have too many kids!!!!!

Original poster
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 21/09/2011 16:00

Oh and this isn't the 1st time this parent has done this. I'm not very good at the whole playdate thing due to time and energy constraints (and having 4 DC's doesn't help) But now I wonder if I'm letting DS down by not being more proactive with the other parents in his year Sad

OP posts:
TheVermiciousKnid · 21/09/2011 16:01

Oooh that looks like I signed my last post with my full name

Your middle name is 'fucking'!? Shock That's unusual. Grin

OP - I agree, generally it would be 'the done thing' to wait for an invite.

Original poster
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 21/09/2011 16:01

OK too many kids and crap at playdates.

OP posts:
deaconblue · 21/09/2011 16:04

not crap at playmates but your dc2 did kind of invite himself to the other parent's house in the first place so she was just returning the cheekiness. However, I do sympathise re playmates. Ds is just too knackered after school to be bothered with them and I often feel guilty when I see friends' dc's going here, there and everywhere after school. we do , however, have his best friend here tonight which I arranged last week.

AuntieMonica · 21/09/2011 16:05

i'm crap at playdates and have less children than you, hobnobs

DD has only just started school and i'm dreading the 1st 'muuum, can 'x' come home for dinner' - i'm really not great with 'OPKs' (Other People's Kids) and will avoid it all costs.

Original poster
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 21/09/2011 16:06

NO Shoppin he was invited he didn't invite himself, this child's parent offered.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 21/09/2011 16:08

what happened to kids just playing, then going home for their tea at their own house.. like in the good old days!

The days when kids did not need to do sleepovers every sodding week either.. they just came home and slept in their own beds. Life was so much simpler back then... Grin

buzzskillington · 21/09/2011 16:08

Yabu - I agree with shoppingbags - your dc invited himself to his friends and the parent was just returing the favour. Grin

PotterWatch · 21/09/2011 16:09

God I am dreading this part of school when the DCs are older.

OP, YANBU, she was being cheeky! I would say you have too many things on most evenings.

Quintessentialist · 21/09/2011 16:09

Well hobnob I agree with shoppingbags.

If you have many children, and they have activities, then you should have a blanket rule that your children neither go on playdates nor have any at yours.

You cant expect other parents to do you this favour, without being able to return it without this causing problems for your schedule.

buzzskillington · 21/09/2011 16:10

x-posted. But I do think if you're happy to let your child go on playdates, you have to return them.

MajorB · 21/09/2011 16:10

Well there could just as easily be a thread on here from the other mum saying:

AIBU to be f*cked off? A friend of my DC invited himself to dinner at my house tonight & I was (stupidly) too soft to say no, but I've got a pile of stuff on and could really do without it, so I thought I'd ask the other mum if she'd have my younger child to even things up & she wormed her way out of it. Cheeky mare!!!

Or do you not see it like that OP? Wink

Original poster
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 21/09/2011 16:11

I DO DO playdates , especially on weeks where I'm working my core hours and not loads of overtime. I just don't find them particulalry enjoyable. But I have alway taught my DC's to wait to be invited .

OP posts:
Original poster
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 21/09/2011 16:12

I do reciprocate, often.

OP posts:
choccyp1g · 21/09/2011 16:12

YANBU. but you should have said no to the original request from your DS.

I try to refuse last-minute dates on principle.

As a parent of an only child, it drives me mad when I have stopped (dirty) work, washed, changed, driven to school, even walked to school sometimes, and then get persuaded into letting DS go home with someone else. It means I have wasted at least 40m, plus my meal planning goes all to pot.

Parents with more than one naturally will try to get them to both go to friends on the same night to save the school run.

Original poster
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 21/09/2011 16:12

And he didn't invite himself

OP posts:
ballstoit · 21/09/2011 16:14

YABU...agree with Quint. You either do recipricol (sp?) playdates, or you do none. I stick with none, but I'm lucky in having extended family children for the DC to practice arguing skills enjoy spending time with at home.

MajorB · 21/09/2011 16:14

Ahh, just seen your post saying the mum invited him. So YANB quite so U, as you do need to return the favour at some point (or risk being seen as one of life's takers) and it shouldn't be done begrudgingly.

choccyp1g · 21/09/2011 16:15

Sorry, I thought your DS had invited himself. But it may be that the other child invited him, and the mum couldn't think of a good reason to say "no".
THe younger one may be a PITA if the older 2 are playing together...

gethelp · 21/09/2011 16:15

I bloody hate being ambushed like this, makes me so ragey. YANBU, but it's what happens. I tried to set a day when everyone had a friend round so it was like a madhouse once a week and then quiet the rest. What was worse to me was when they went to a friends house in the winter and I had to go and get them in the car in the dark and when I'd driven through the rush hour traffic, dragging my other kids out, they'd be hopping around with no socks or shoes in sight, sucking a lolly in a wild-eyed way then announce their homework for the morning was to make a model lighthouse.

Original poster
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 21/09/2011 16:17

OK IAMBU. I do reciprocate, this child was already coming over next week anyway but clearly I should have just said yes tonight. I am clearly a shit mother . [pre menstrual emotico]

.

OP posts:
Blatherskite · 21/09/2011 16:17

I had to change the IT account of someone with the middle name "Moron" once! Fucking's not that unusual Grin

A reciprocal play date would have been fair but YANBU to want to arrange it for a time which actually suits you. DS has been at school for a grand total of 2 weeks now and I'm already hating the playground politics. I need some sort of playdate/party spreadsheet to avoid pissing anyone off I think!

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