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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To think this is seriously taking the p**s?

42 replies

DevotionAndDesire · 17/09/2011 11:18

This is about a friend of a friend, who i get on with but wouldn't really call a friend, lets call her Lucy.

Last week Lucy asked if i could lend her money to buy her son's uniform, the day before school started.
I said no as I don't lend (or borrow) money to anyone.

Friday is my day off, and yesterday she called me (she was with my friend) and asked for 'tips' on wall papering, which quickly became clear that they wanted me to come and help, which i did, and ended up doing the whole bloody room myself, with no help at all.
She needed to finish 'tidying' up her old house (that she has already moved out of) so that she can get her deposit back, the place was a state and needed a lot of cleaning, DIY and redecorating.
Lucy had nothing at the house, no cleaning supplies or anything, so we went to asda, when we where there she said she didn't have any money (after i had driven us the 15 miles there) Lucy asked if i could buy what we needed and she would pay me back when she got her deposit back on monday. Reluctantly i agreed, she hadn't really given me much of a choice, and she spend £40 on cleaning and DIY things.

Then she called me today asking if i could lend her another £30, promising she would give me it back on wednesday when she got her deposit back (but wait wasn't supposed to be getting it back on monday Hmm)
I said no and made up an excuse.
Then she said "You don't know what its like having to get by on no money, just because you are loaded you think you are better than everyone else."
I told her she was wrong and that i am by no means 'loaded'.
She ranted for a bit about being on benefits and how lucky i am to have such a good job and loads of money, then she told me that she would have to give me the £40 back in bits because "some of us cant afford to just throw away £40 like it is nothing"

Why does she assume that just because i work i have an abundance of spare cash?

I lent her that £40 against my better judgement because it was the only way she was going to get her deposit back on her old house, then i spent my whole day off (and ruined my nails) wallpapering, DIYing and cleaning so that she would get back her deposit. But because i refuse to lend her cash that means that i think i am better than her?

Confused Rant over. =)
OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 17/09/2011 11:21

Well, you know you aren't being U, don't you.
Write off the £40 and refuse to take her calls again.
What does your joint friend think? Cos I think she was taking the piss re the decorating also.

BelleDameSansMerci · 17/09/2011 11:22

Bloody hell! I think this is a bit beyond piss taking, tbh.

fedupofnamechanging · 17/09/2011 11:24

Some people think the world owes them a living. I'd write off the £40, because I don't think you'll see that again, and I'd tell her to find another mug.

BobblyGussets · 17/09/2011 11:25

You sound lovely, but it is unlikely you will get your cash back. I bet she just thinks it falls into your lap.
If you are like us, you work your ass off in a decent job and have the outward signs of "doing ok", but because of a certain amount of dignity, no-one "on the outside" will hear about those tight months, because you are too polite to "cry poverty" to anyone who'll listen. Unlike Lucy.

Come and be my friend, I won't take the piss.

AgentZigzag · 17/09/2011 11:25

She sounds a right corker.

But you have to take some responsibility for not telling her where to get off when she first asked you.

Although that doesn't excuse her having a go at you when you did Shock at the cheek of her.

AnnieLobeseder · 17/09/2011 11:26

YANBU. I would quietly remove her from my life. What a cheek and sense of entitlement!!! Just refuse to engage with her ever again.

magicmummy1 · 17/09/2011 11:28

Where on earth do you live that you have to drive 15 miles to get cleaning supplies? Shock

Obviously, she is BVU and totally taking the piss. But I think you made a mistake in lending her the money in the first place. You had done your bit already and she isn't your friend anyway. Why couldn't your other friend have paid?

perfumedlife · 17/09/2011 11:30

She sounds like a woman I met a toddler group years ago. Came with me as I was buying a cheap buggy for ds, decided she needed another one (her sixth) and at the till had no cash. Could I lend her it until Friday.

£120 I never saw again, and the abuse I got for asking for it!

YANBU Dump her. She sounds chaotic too, these people drain you.

LoveBeingAMummyAgain · 17/09/2011 11:34

Well at least you know you were right to begin with. Agree re the £40 far healthier to forget about getting it back. Treat it as a charitable donation Wink

BobblyGussets · 17/09/2011 11:34

Come on OP, we have questions!

What does your other friend think of this?

Where do you have to drive 15 miles to get cleaning supplies? (is it Lincolnshire?)

VinegarTits · 17/09/2011 11:35

you are not 'lucky' to have a god job, they dont just fall into peoples laps like a win on the lottery

god jobs come from hard graft, tell your former friend that as you wave her off to the nearest job center

VinegarTits · 17/09/2011 11:36

oh and the nearest Asda to me is 20 miles away, not sure why that is being questioned?

magicmummy1 · 17/09/2011 11:39

Not questioning the 15 miles - just Shock at the thought of having to drive that far for a few cleaning supplies!

AKMD · 17/09/2011 11:40

YANBU, drop this friend, forget the £40 because you will never see that again and take the mug sign off your forehead.

Spuddybean · 17/09/2011 11:41

wow, she sounds charming!

i think with the cleaning supplies you were 'damned if you did and damned if you didn't'. If you'd have said no you were being mean and if you said yes and had access to £40 at your disposal then you are loaded and can throw money around. (In her mind i mean - not sane people's!)

I would get the money back on principal - even if she had to give it to me weekly in coppers!

I used to have 'friend' similar who didn't grasp the difference between CREDIT and DEBIT. Used to expect me to put stuff on my credit card as i was loaded to have one!

gillybean2 · 17/09/2011 11:41

£40 for cleaning supplies?! that's as much as I have to spend on non food groceries for a whole month (including toilet rolls, shampoo, all toiletries, cleaning products etc) and i'm not on benefits.

Too late now but I would have looked at what was picked up and said well what shall we put back then if you can't afford all this... All she really needed was a bottle of multi purpose cleaner and perhaps some bleach for the bathroom/loo.

If you can't afford it you do without imo.

Gay40 · 17/09/2011 11:42

No is a complete sentence.
Repeat.

Birdsgottafly · 17/09/2011 11:44

In all fairness, it is a shock when you go camping in some places and find that a supermarket (that you can afford) is a 25 mile drive away (the Gower etc).

OP i have had to drop friends because they thought that because i had savings i should 'lend' it to them, on demand. It isn't your responsibility. If she knew that she was moving she should have calculated this into her being able to get a budgeting loan from the DWP.

If you can put it down to the stress of the move them fair enough, but it sounds as though she is taking you for granted.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 17/09/2011 11:45

She sounds like a complete bitch .... What a user! As others have asked, what does your mutual friend think? Why couldn't she have helped?

AgentZigzag · 17/09/2011 11:46

The OPs 'friend' obviously could only do her cleaning materials shop at Harrods, I'm sure it'd be worth the 15 mile drive to get an effective scourer.

PuppyMonkey · 17/09/2011 11:50

Right, the next person to say " no is a complete sentence" on MN will get an automatic life ban. WinkGrin

buggerlugs82 · 17/09/2011 11:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

Original poster
DevotionAndDesire · 17/09/2011 11:56

Sorry i was reading another thread.

We live in North Yorkshire, Asda isn't the nearest shop, but it is the nearest decent shop. in our town there is a WHsmith, a hairdressers, a few pubs, an estate agents, a superdrug, a travel agents, a costcutters, an off licence, and a few little random clothes/card/pointless shops that no one ever seems to go in and everyone wonders how the hell they stay in business.
It is the crappiest main street EVER. lol

My friend is also on benefits, and is terrible with money, so she never has any, but she has said that Lucy is a total leach when it comes to money, if she thinks you will lend her some she will never stop asking. =(

You are all right, she is not my friend, tbph i have always thought she was a bit of a naive waster, she always seems to need help in some way, and she genuinely seems to think that everything in life is about luck or opportunity, and has nothing to do with hard work.
She is the kind of person that has never had a job in her life but thinks the world owes her for the 'hard' life she has had.

OP posts:
Original poster
DevotionAndDesire · 17/09/2011 12:06

It wasn't just cleaning supplies, in fact most of the cleaning supplies, bar the two packs of oven cleaner, were all asda value.
She needed wall filler stuff ( for all the nail holes in the walls)
Carpet cleaner (the living room carpet needs replacing imo, it was vile, and new when she moved in)
wallpaper paste
and other random DIY items to replace/fix things that she had broken.

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 17/09/2011 13:23

See the £40 as a price well paid for not having to be involved with her again.