Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think that punctuality is important?

92 replies

Purplegirlie · 09/09/2011 23:09

I have a couple of friends that are always late. For everything. Late taking their children to school each day, late if they have an appointment and late if they're meeting someone. The last time (and I do mean the last in both senses of the word) I met with one of them she was an hour late despite the fact that I drove an hour to get to her home town, and she only had a 5 minute journey. She was late as they were "having a lazy morning".

We all have times where things crop up as we're about to leave the house, or we are delayed in traffic or whatever, but I think being constantly late is disrespectful towards people you are meeting and also sets a bad example to your children if you are taking them late into school every day.

AIBU?

OP posts:

DoingMyVeryBest · 09/09/2011 23:13

Nope, you are NBU at all. Why should their time be of 'more value' than your time when they've agreed to an arrangement?

It seriously annoys me too. V disrespectful!

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 09/09/2011 23:15

YANBU. It is lazy and v rude. Shows utter disrespect for others.

shakey1500 · 09/09/2011 23:15

YANBU- pet hate of mine. But I have been known to be a bit anal about it so I try and keep some perspective. I do a lot of clock watching and foot tapping though

Original poster

Purplegirlie · 09/09/2011 23:18

When the friend was an hour late meeting me I was so angry I ended up having a go at her and going home as she just wasn't even apologetic about it, just seemed to think it was okay for me to wait around for her in a shopping centre.

OP posts:

lazylula · 09/09/2011 23:19

I try to be on time, have not as yet been late for school (ds1 has done a year at school) but ds2 is late for pre school when he goes but thois is down to the distance and timing of school start and pre school start, as in school bell rings at 8.55, but it is about 9am when they go in and ds2 is due to start pre school at 9am a 15 min walk away at the other end of the road so I really have no choice and I feel it is far more important for ds1 to be at school on time than ds2 for pre school. When dh is involved we are often late as he leaves everything to the last minute!
I do not think you are BU in the circumstances you describe!

fit2drop · 09/09/2011 23:20

YANBU.
I hate lateness. Its rude and very very disrespectful .

I am sad in that I usually arrive early and wait round corners /outside/ across roads etc rather than be late

So unless there is a very good explanation I am quite unforgiving with tardiness.

worraliberty · 09/09/2011 23:20

YANBU...especially the taking kids to school late (constantly)

As you say, everyone's late now and again..but I feel so sorry for kids whose whole day can be put out by a dawdling parent who doesn't even have the 'decency' to look bothered about it.

My Mum never rushed us to school and I still cringe at the embarrassment of the whole class turning to look as I walked through the door.

tethersend · 09/09/2011 23:21

Sorry... has the thread already started?

What have I missed?

AgentZigzag · 09/09/2011 23:21

5/10 mins late sometimes is OK, but it's when a person is 'known' for always being late and takes that as justification to not bother getting their shit together that I just can't be arsed with.

Although saying that, some people do struggle to get and keep their shit together generally, and if you like them then you have to accept that as part of them.

It's rude, but sometimes you can overcome it if the person has other redeeming parts.

acsec · 09/09/2011 23:22

I have a friend who is always late - drives me mad! She'll ring to say she'll be 5 mins and I know that actually means at least half an hour. I tell her something is happening an hour earlier than it actually is so that she has a chance of arriving on time.

AgentZigzag · 09/09/2011 23:22

Hehe, I had back at the posts to see WTF you were on about before I twigged what you were saying tethers

cat64 · 09/09/2011 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

shakey1500 · 09/09/2011 23:23

In my hometown, when someone said "I'll see you at 7.30pm" it meant 7.30pm. And if someone was running late for whatever reason there'd be a phone call explaining and a "should be there 7.45pm" etc etc.

When I relocated, it bemused me totally that "7.30pm" could mean any time between 7.30-9pm with people seemingly unable to comprehend why I was a bit "Errrr, didn't we say 7.30?"

"Well...I suppose...7.30 ish I meant"
"But 9pm isn't 7.30 ish...it's not even close!"
"But I'm here NOW"
"Can't you see why I'm pissed off?"
" Not really? Think you need to relax a bit..."

GRRR!

ChunkyMonkeyMother · 09/09/2011 23:32

RARGH I HATE people being LATE - I set all of my watches and clocks to run fast so I am always either early or on time, so it winds me up when people are late I see it as being the most disrespectful behaviour - Why should I wait for someone?

I used to have one friend that was always late for everything, to the point where we would actually tell him we were meeting up to 2 hours earlier than we actually were just so that he wouldn't make us late for bookings etc - he still did! It has now got the point where I no longer invite him to anything I arrange - This has caused lots of tension with him constantly asking why he wasn't invited to X Y or Z event once the pics went up on fbook etc but when he asks I always happily tell him that he wouldn't have made it out in time anyway- Last time his sister arranged a murder mystery which had to start promptly as it took 4 hours - He turned up just over 2 hours late TO HIS OWN HOUSE!!!

It actually makes my blood boil

I think you are being perfetly reasonble to have her hung drawn and quartered especially if she was just being a lazy bitch at home! Perhaps if she had been in some kind of catastophic event you could have understood but no - Tardiness should be punished with some kind of graphicly horrific capital punishment (To which I am usually very much opposed)

[Breathes and puts down the massive clock she carries to tap at people hit poeple with who are late emoticon]

carabos · 10/09/2011 08:13

Totally agree YANBU. Just can't understand why some people do this. Former colleague was notorious for it, always spectacularly late socially and professionally. Her worst habit was to set off for a meeting at the time the meeting was scheduled to start - so if a meeting was at 10am offsite (and that might mean a drive away) then that's when she would leave the office. .

Aftereightsaremine · 10/09/2011 08:37

My family are always punctual, DHs are not so on my wedding day pils were 25 minutes late!

So yanbu I hate lateness unless for a very good reason.

Sirzy · 10/09/2011 08:40

Yanbu I hate lateness, especially if it's a regular thing or for something important.

Deesus · 10/09/2011 08:47

I am punctua,l my DH wasn't till I beat that behaviour out of him with a stick had mentioned it to him several times then one time had a big go at him - why is his time more precious than anyone else's, how rude it was, how angry it made me, etc, etc. To be fair he is lots better now (with me) but he can still be a lazy beggar with others. It seems to stem from the fact he really seems to have trouble estimating how long things take (e.g. for him to get ready, travel times).

Think it is learned behaviour from his family though. On my wedding day the last people left in the hotel were me, dad & my bridesmaids (as it should be) and then his brother, brother's wife & their DD. I quite firmly screeched at one of my bridesmaids to 'make them GET OUT OF HERE NOW'. They even had a lift provided to the venue in a limo which they had missed.

Their excuse - we had a little one to get ready. Erm, you were already at the hotel and needed to leave by 3.30pm -that's 6 & a half hours you had to get ready.

Ok, rant over. I feel better now.

AliMcBooger · 10/09/2011 08:57

YANBU intheory, however, for lateness that happens in a strictly social setting I think you are being a tad precious.

If I am due to meet a friend and we have agreed say 11.30 there will always be an "ish" about this- so 20 mins or so wouldn't be "late" ifkwim. If there is a particular appointment or booking then fair enough it is important to be on time- but I would not choose to be friends with someone who spent any of their energy wondering about whether their time or my time was more important and who was "wasting" whose 20 mins. I find being held to the minute by a watch incredibly stressful- I can cope with it at work, professional timekeeping is important I think - but don't wear a wrist watch as I find it makes my personal life ruled by the same values as work.

pictish · 10/09/2011 08:59

I'm another who hates excessive tardiness. We all lose track of time now and then, and we all come up against events that slow us down too, but those people who are always late because 'you know what I'm like'....they can get to the land of fuck.

My husband is one of those who will start getting ready to leave when it's time to leave. I find it infuriating, disrespectful, lazy and self centred. Makes me so angry.
I had a close friend for years, who would think nothing of leaving me sitting like a total lemon wherever it was we were supposed to meet, before breezing in late every single time, full of shit excuses.

It basically says 'my time is much more important than yours'

Fuck off.

AliMcBooger · 10/09/2011 09:13

I would by the same token never expect a friend to be so highly strung that they planned their journey, getting ready, etc to such a tightly bound schedule that they arrived precisely at 11.30. Why on earth would anyone put themselves through that for just a informal social thing

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 10/09/2011 09:14

I dislike being late, but I don't wait long for people either.
That's the joy of a mobile, I leave a message. It makes my life a lot less stressful, and I've had some lovely days out on my own.

AliMcBooger · 10/09/2011 09:15

an of course

Smellslikecatpee · 10/09/2011 09:23

I hate hate hate hate hate hate it.

You?re getting that it annoys me aren?t you

I am by nature a dawdler, but I am also respectful of other people so while I have to be very strict with myself I know that if I am meeting someone at 2 the latest I can leave it to start to get ready is 1 dependant on where I am meeting them .

Because I know how much it annoys me when I?m left hanging around so why inflict this on people who are important to me either personally or professionally?

meditrina · 10/09/2011 09:32

To be late for no good reason (like in OP) is a very aggressive (passive/aggressive) way of stating "I'm more important than you".

"-ish" caveats on meeting times only mitigate this if both parties have the me understanding of "-ish" and that it applies that day. Arriving on time is a basic sign of respect for the person you are meeting, even if it means a bit of additional stress on the journey - though presumably that can be avoided by making a sensible plan that allows enough time to get there under normal circumstances.

Flip

1 2 3 4