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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have deleted this woman off fb

50 replies

BimboNo5 · 20/08/2011 11:42

History is, my DD is best friends with hers, however she is never invited to these little playdates she has, but a couple of the other girls from school are. Fast forward to the summer holidays, three weeks in, heard nothing from her about the kids playing. Invited her for coffee. No reply. Has been on fb updating her status etc so will have seen the message. Inbox her. No reply. Inbox her again as I think its so rude to not answer, she sends back a pithy 'well I cant because...' i.e she has no intention of it.
Ive deleted her from FB because she is not a friend in any definition of the word, never acts like one so why would I want her as a 'friend' on FB? AIBU?

OP posts:
Laurale31 · 20/08/2011 11:48

No your not being unreasonable! I have done the same thing before- why should u have to read about her on fb? It'll only get u down, x

Takitezee · 20/08/2011 11:50

YANBU. If you don't want her on your friends list, however in reality facebook friends are generally just people you know and doesn't mean friend in the true sense.

She's obviously trying to discourage the friendship between your daughters and/or open up her daughter's social circle and presumably your dds are younger if you are making the arrangements not them so there isn't much you can do about it.

fifitrixibellesmith · 20/08/2011 11:51

a) why did you keep chasing her when she obviously wasnt interested
b) who her kid chooses to play with is none of your beeswax
c) grow up a bit

:)

Original poster
BimboNo5 · 20/08/2011 11:53

Fifi sod off you sockpuppet

Smile
OP posts:
LeBOF · 20/08/2011 11:55

Sockpuppet of whom? Smile

usualsuspect · 20/08/2011 11:56

Never fall out over kids ,because they will make friends even if you don't

LineRunner · 20/08/2011 11:57

Ah, here comes the 'grow up' cohort, riding in like confused cavalry straight over the edge of a cliff.

Original poster
BimboNo5 · 20/08/2011 11:58

I know and I want my DD to be friends with hers, what im sick of is the blatant excluding of her in out of school activities/gatherings etc, its clear she thinks my DD isnt good enough to be included for some reason yet then she will imply shes a 'friend' when she acts anything but!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 20/08/2011 12:03

As someone said...FB 'friends' aren't necessarily friends, they're just contacts/aquaintances.

When I think of all the friends my kids have had over the years, if I take a dislike to one of them...it's not because I don't think they're 'good enough'. It's usually because I don't like them for whatever reason.

Having said that, if my kids have been really keen to have a certain friend over that I don't like, I've never stopped them.

So perhaps they're not as close as you think they are?

Original poster
BimboNo5 · 20/08/2011 12:06

They are close. We bumped into her at the park her mothers friend took her. They said hello to each other and the woman with her said is this your friend, to which she replied 'yes shes my BEST friend'. Her words, not mine...

OP posts:
Pamplemoussse · 20/08/2011 12:30

why not ring to make arrangements?

are you v young? [looks over spectacles at OP]

RealityVonCrapp · 20/08/2011 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BimboNo5 · 20/08/2011 12:34

Sadly im not. She is older.

OP posts:
Original poster
BimboNo5 · 20/08/2011 12:35

Yes im one of those mothers who gets a bit upset when her child keeps asking why she wasn't invited to tea with her other friends, why they went to soft play and she didn't, why they say 'you cant play with us, our mums are friends yours isnt', how dare I...

OP posts:
MightyQuim · 20/08/2011 12:36

Hmmm not sure on this one. Maybe she is rude but maybe she was going to reply to your message later then forgot. I must admit I do find it a bit odd when I go out with a friend and their kids and other friends take umbridge that they aren't invited like I'm supposed to invite everyone I know on a last minute day out.

Pamplemoussse · 20/08/2011 12:39

you need to find her a different social set

enrol for swimming/brownies/tennis club/wildlife trust juniors, that kind of thing

Pamplemoussse · 20/08/2011 12:40

and what Quim said

worraliberty · 20/08/2011 12:42

I'm sure you're over thinking this and over reacting.

Little girls have tons of BEST friends and they can change from one day to the next (or 5 mins to the next!)

I can honestly say, if my kids ask if they can invite some friends around...I've never said "Ok, but you have to invite so an so too because according to you, they're your best friend"

Believe me, you're better off staying out of it and not giving it a second thought.

Original poster
BimboNo5 · 20/08/2011 12:45

Im tempted to delete myself, the freedom of not listening to 'we had a wonderful time with x,y and z and life is so amazing I just HAD to go on FB and tell everyone- THIS SECOND!'
But can I kick the addiction?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 20/08/2011 12:48

To be honest, your inability to ignore this woman's FB page has probably put the final nail in the coffin for your DD's friendship anyway as it might well cause a bit of unecessary friction now.

Really what you're describing is a perfectly normal thing for all families, it's jut years ago there was no FB so you wouldn't be privvy to what other arrangements kids/parents have made with other people.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 20/08/2011 12:51

Oh FFS

Original poster
BimboNo5 · 20/08/2011 12:54

Ermm thanks for that valuable contribution ACT....

OP posts:
nowadoubledee · 20/08/2011 13:01

I wouldn't want my child having playdates with a child where I suspect that the other parent doesn't think my child is good enough. Kids can be aware of this & I would worry that spending time in the company of such an adult could change my kids view of themself.
I know it's probably hard, but in your shoes I would draw a line in the sand, & look for better family to befriend. Afterall, when children are young, they not only need to get on, but there needs to be a level of understanding between the adults too - such as a shared parenting style.
It is also possible to influence who your child chooses to play with, you could encourage her to widen her choice of friends at school.
Ultimately it's up to the other mother who she wants her children to spend time with, you have no 'right' to force this. There could be a million reasons why she doesn't want your children playing together ...both acceptable (her child is shy & is dominated by your child) & less acceptable reasons (cliquey set). Wheatever her reasons, in the other mothers shoes, I would feel annoyed with you for not respecting my choices & for thinking that you could force me to do something I am clearly unwilling to do.

usualsuspect · 20/08/2011 13:04

Some people really over think their childrens friendships don't they

nowadoubledee · 20/08/2011 13:04

oh and dont delete her, just hide he updates so you don't see them

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