Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To have deleted this woman off fb

50 replies

BimboNo5 · 20/08/2011 11:42

History is, my DD is best friends with hers, however she is never invited to these little playdates she has, but a couple of the other girls from school are. Fast forward to the summer holidays, three weeks in, heard nothing from her about the kids playing. Invited her for coffee. No reply. Has been on fb updating her status etc so will have seen the message. Inbox her. No reply. Inbox her again as I think its so rude to not answer, she sends back a pithy 'well I cant because...' i.e she has no intention of it.
Ive deleted her from FB because she is not a friend in any definition of the word, never acts like one so why would I want her as a 'friend' on FB? AIBU?

OP posts:

worraliberty · 20/08/2011 13:05

Too late now doubledee but that would have been the best solution.

activate · 20/08/2011 13:09

facebook is pathetic IMO - at least the way it is used by so many people is

publishes all those inner thoughts as fact that really mean nothing

other people track people's facebook which in any other part of the world would be known as stalking

life is much smoother if you pay it no attention at all (facebook that is)

she won't care / know you've deleted her
you have done yourself no favours
the kids will be friends if they want to be

(I thought this was a numbered list thread )

Pamplemoussse · 20/08/2011 13:13

activate I LOVE numbered lists

Fluffymonster · 20/08/2011 13:24

YANBU - it does sound like you've done what you can to facilitate the friendship between your DD and her best friend, but unfortunately her Mum for whatever reason, doesn't want to encourage it.

Not much you can do about it - so just try and help DD to make new friends.

I suppose it's bound to happen at some point where the children get on, but the parents don't - and if they're too young to make their own arrangements then the children don't have much control over it. Likewise if the parents get on and the children don't, it's awkward too. You just have to find a happy medium and think of it as 'one of those things.' [Shrugs].

I don't get why people are being so dismissive (typical here I suppose). Clearly, it's coming across like DD's friend's mum doesn't want to know - she's made no effort. BimboNo5 has invited her for coffee, which she's not replied to, and then ignored her Inbox message, even though she's had time to update statuses. It's friggin' rude.

pigletmania · 20/08/2011 13:29

I would do the same, she obviously can't be arsed with you so bye bye she goes

worraliberty · 20/08/2011 13:30

I agree the not answering is rude but I think people are being dismissive because it sounds a bit pathetic.

So what if it's 3 weeks in to the holidays, the little girl obviously has lots of friends she wants to play with and her and her Mum have been busy enjoying the hols.

There's no law that says our kids have to play with all of our friends all of the time.

Anyway, there's another 3 or 4 weeks left.

pigletmania · 20/08/2011 13:31

bimbo encourage your dd to make other friends outside. Does she have hobbies or interests. Its not the be all and end all! They can be best friends at school then. When they are older they can make their own arrangements to meet if they are still friends.

Original poster

BimboNo5 · 20/08/2011 13:33

It IS a bit pathetic though- and I dont think just on my/our part!

OP posts:

Original poster

BimboNo5 · 20/08/2011 13:35

And why would she want to be amongst MY fb friends when she clearly thinks of me as anything but- thats the whole issue of the thread not about if its 'right' to go out with other mums and their friends!

OP posts:

worraliberty · 20/08/2011 13:35

My DS2 has just this minute invited his friend round...should he invite every one of his friends round too now?

pigletmania · 20/08/2011 13:35

Don't worry op, let them get on with it at school, just because your dd and hers are friends does not mean you have to be with her mother. Just delete her than you won't have to read those annoying stati. Concentrate on doing nice things with your dd, and increasing your dd hobbies, so she makes other friends.

LouMou · 20/08/2011 13:40

Some people are just bitches and are no loss if you ignore them. My DD had arranged a play date with a girl in her class, to be confirmed by both mothers. All was set to go ahead, myself and this other woman just had to finally meet and exchange phone numbers to finalise. (Messages had been sent back and forth between the children to this point, pre facebook days)

Anyway, I approach the woman say who I am.

She replies with " OH I didn't realise YOU were her mother " and walks off!

Now I'd never slept with her husband or run down her dog or eaten her last jaffa cake, she just didn't like me from sight. Hideous repulsive thing that I am.

Play date never happened despite the girls being best friends in class. The childs mother is was just a bitch.

WinkyWinkola · 20/08/2011 13:40

She doesn't think of you as a friend, FB or not.

Invite her dd over without her mother on an independent play date.

If the answer is still no to that then you'll have to tell your dd this girl is a school time friend only so as to save her feelings.

I delete people all the time in FB. Especially those who ask to be on my list and then write lots of annoying shite or who are rude in rl.

pigletmania · 20/08/2011 13:43

LouMou , some people are just rude and horrid, pity the poor children. I would have told her "well what's wrong with me then!

WinkyWinkola · 20/08/2011 13:44

Loumou, that's foul behaviour. What a nasty piece of work.

And worraliberty, nobody said anythIng about inviting ALL friend's over. I think the discussion is about commOn civil manners when somebody makes a genuine and polite invitation.

Apologies for spelling errors. 'Phone is tricky.

lifechanger · 20/08/2011 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Takitezee · 20/08/2011 13:52

Bimbo How old is your dd? If she is quite young they do tend to go through a few best friends and few just have one and stick to them.

In fairness to your daughter it might not be that the other mother thinks your daughter isn't good enough. I'm only going by this post but you do sound quite full on and perhaps she justs wants to back off a bit and have a circle of friends for her dd rather than just one, isn't that what most people want for their children?

I have done the swerving parents thing before. It's not that I don't like them or their children but they seem to want more of a friendship from me than I am prepared to give and it makes me back right off. I would rather keep it as acquaintances and our children be friends rather than have an actual proper friendship ourselves. I am facebook friends with both of the parents and am happy to chat with them but don't want anything beyond that.

worraliberty · 20/08/2011 13:53

Winky I was referring to the OP's posts re her DD not being invited when the girl plays with other friends.

cornflowers · 20/08/2011 13:56

I can understand that you are hurt that this woman does not seem keen to be friends with you or to encourage her dd's friendship with yours. However, you really have to accept her decision. She has no obligation to be your friend, any more than she is obliged to invite your daughter to play. This may be upsetting, but YABU to expect otherwise. FB friendship does not in my experience equate to real friendship. In many cases a FB friend is little more than a vague acquaintance. Delete her by all means, in doing so you will probably be doing her a favour, too.

Original poster

BimboNo5 · 20/08/2011 13:56

No but when they all play together at school Worra it does seem a rather deliberate 'sod off'. Which is fine if thats what they want. My query was should I keep someone who is NOT a friend in anyway shape or form on my facebook 'friends' list.

OP posts:

pigletmania · 20/08/2011 14:09

you should'nt so delete her!

saintlyjimjams · 20/08/2011 14:15

God you're overthinking. Maybe she's just busy? I rarely invite children to our house because I have a disabled child I have to get out of the house every day in holidays (or he gets very difficult). if the younger kids have friends over then ds1 doesn't get out. Sometimes friends of mine visit me and bring their kids. It's not a playdate, I'm seeing my friends who happen to have kids for a few hours (then we go out again).

Would be a bit at anyone who thought it was I didn't think their kids was 'good enough'.

Original poster

BimboNo5 · 20/08/2011 14:21

Maybe she is, but that doesnt stop you replying to someone the first time and explaining this, or saying 'sorry its difficult to get out atm, feel free to pop round though' does it?

OP posts:

worraliberty · 20/08/2011 14:36

My query was should I keep someone who is NOT a friend in anyway shape or form on my facebook 'friends' list

Well aside from the fact you've already deleted her, I'd say no don't keep people who are not friends in any way, shape or form on your FB list.

But more importantly, don't add them in the first place.

I've got about 51 people on my list and they're all proper friends and family...not vague aquaintances of my kids.

saintlyjimjams · 20/08/2011 14:39

Well I doubt I'd say 'feel free to pop round' to someone unless they were my friend.

Maybe she missed the message, I tend to miss FB messages on my phone that I see straight away on the computer.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread