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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm having DC2 not DC1 - AIBU for people to accept that???

45 replies

wearenotamused · 19/08/2011 14:28

Bit of Background (and a rant)

I'm currently pregnant and have been with DH for 5 years.
When we met he was a newly single parent with a tiny 8th month old DS. We were very close friends (I shared a flat with his sister) for about a year before we finally got together. DS birth mum is not in the picture and has never been and will never be.

I adopted DS after me and DH had been together for around 3 years. I'm his mum.

However.

DH is 7 years older than me (I'm 29) and since getting pregnant I have had lots of comments from people saying that I must be glad to be finally having a child of my own and from people informing me that it will be different this time and I can finally be a 'proper mum'

This has been from some people I work with (though not close work friends), and when I have bumped into people who kind of know DH from many years ago. me and DS bumped into one at the shop and she said to DS that 'he must be happy to be having a new half sibling' DS asked me what a half sibling was and I didn't know what to say. (DS does know I did not give birth to him btw)

It has also come from some fringe members of DH extented family (the ones you see once every 4 year - one wrote in a congratualtions card 'you must be very happy to be finally having a child of your own -name-'

I am having our second child - end of.

AIBU for people just to accept that? (especially family members) I have tried to tell them they are wrong, but they will not accept it or chose to ignore it. It has got to the point where I just freeze when someone says it.

I don't know what to do - DH doesn't have this problem and though obviously read cards isn't there when people say things :(

I don't see what peoples problem is????????

OP posts:
HopeEternal · 19/08/2011 14:31

You sound lovely and these other people sound very ignorant. Ignore them.

Congratulations on the upcoming addition to your family!

keepingupwiththejoneses · 19/08/2011 14:32

I am sorry you are getting this response from people, gladly not people close to you. Of course you are pg with dc2, ds is yours as you have adopted him, you are his mum not step mum. They are idiots!

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/08/2011 14:33

I don't have anything really useful to say Grin but congratulations on your second child. People just like to comment on everything (this is a case in point) so just try to keep a good and kind heart. Enjoy!

keepingupwiththejoneses · 19/08/2011 14:33

Forgot to say congratulations!
Personally I would bin any cards that say something like that.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/08/2011 14:34

Just correct them... "I'm having DC2 actually, we already have DC1". No need to give any further information or be insulted by stupid questions.

LineRunner · 19/08/2011 14:35

Some people are just twats. You have one son, and now you are going to have another child.

Well done and carry on!

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 19/08/2011 14:38

Just carry on saying "This is my SECOND child."

If they carry on, then a blunt "X is my child. I find your attitude highly offensive." is in order, imo.

Congrats btw

Whitershadeofpale · 19/08/2011 15:33

No I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I think as the circumstances surrounding his birth are so well known you will need to address it with DS1 or someone else is likely to let it slip.

cornflakegirl · 19/08/2011 15:37

What LineRunner said.

Seems really odd that you're getting comments from DH's family - surely they know your family set up - that DS is your son, and your his mum. I hope your DS doesn't pick up on any of these strange ideas.

Iamkenny · 19/08/2011 15:38

unfortuantly there are some people like that out there. Ignore it and make it very clear that you are having DC2.

And congrats :D

PinotsKittens · 19/08/2011 15:39

You sound absolutely lovely. The world needs more people like you! Congratulations :)

beckybrastraps · 19/08/2011 15:41

Some people are stupid.

foreverondiet · 19/08/2011 15:42

How rude and disrespectful - just say, I have adopted DS, he is my son and I am his mum, this is my 2nd child.

Aside from anything else you've been around since he was a baby, so comments a bit odd that it will be more proper this time.

nickelbabe · 19/08/2011 15:44

yanbu, definitely.
how horrible that noone can see you as DS1's mother.
Angry

it's your first pregnancy (i assume), yes, but not your first child.

carpetlover · 19/08/2011 15:50

People are just so rude. Even taking emotion out of the equation, you have adopted him and are therefore legally his mum. So if you adopted two non biological children would people refer to them as step siblings? Why would anyone say half sibling to a child? Ridiculous!

If I was you, I'd explain to your ds that people making comments are referring to the fact that you did not give birth to him but that you find it very strange to hear them say that because that makes no difference to you and you couldn't love him more than you do and that this baby will be his brother or sister. End of!

Idiots!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 19/08/2011 16:10

YANBU!!! Congrats on DC2.......you sounds like a brilliant parent and I feel quite sad for your DS that people think like that! Of course he is your first child -you are bringing him up and it makes no difference whether you gave birth to him or not, you are his mum!!!

TheOriginalFAB · 19/08/2011 16:13

YANBU but one thing is you must make sure the midwives know this is your first pregnancy.

You are adding to your family and I hope all goes well for you.

TheMonster · 19/08/2011 16:24

YOu sound like a lovely mum to your current DC Smile
But it is your first pregnancy and people are acknowledging that. Don't worry about it. There will be many more things that piss you off during your pregnancy: hormones are strange things!

theworldspins · 19/08/2011 16:50

of course YANBU they are being ejits and you should treat them as such. Correct them and hold your head up high. Unfortunatly your DS is going to have to deal with people having preconcieved idea about his parentship when people know about it. It isn't nice but it is the case.

BodyOfEeyore I'd disagree saying 'proper mum' and ''you must be very happy to be finally having a child of your own -name-' and
'he must be happy to be having a new half sibling' is more than acknowledging OP first pregnancy it is ignoring the fact she is already a mum and this will be DC2.

Oh and congratulations on DC2

Original poster
wearenotamused · 19/08/2011 19:30

Thank you all very much (especially for your lovely comments). Glad to know INBU. xx

OP posts:
ZillionChocolate · 19/08/2011 19:43

"Oh no, this is my first pregnancy but my second child". Repeat until they get it.

Congratulations!

ragged · 19/08/2011 19:46

There are lots of eejit things to filter out in this world.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 19/08/2011 19:51

YANBU

People can be weird and hurtful about the strangest stuff.

It's not like there's even the slightest ambiguity about your situation - you are already a mother, so despite it being your first pregnancy, it clearly is your second child.

Congratulations - having 2 is great :)

queenmaeve · 19/08/2011 19:55

Aw thats a lovely story (not the rude people bit) I'm sure your ds can't wait to meet his new brother or sister.
Some people will always be prats and speak without engaging their brains, ignore. They're not worth wasting your breath over

mcfee · 19/08/2011 20:04

They are idiots. Your DC1 is lucky to have such a lovely mum (as will your DC2 be) Lots of love to you when you become a family of 4.

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