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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cherrys parenting dilemas.. AIBU!

26 replies

DraculasMum · 17/08/2011 20:00

Sorry if this has already been done!

Did anyone feel that the family who put their children outside, smacked the child twice over a couple of minutes as punishment are bordering on abusive?

They also use the smacking method apparently this helps..helps who exactly?

What ever happened to the naughty step and time out?

OP posts:

StrandedBear · 17/08/2011 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

DraculasMum · 17/08/2011 20:14

I am watching it on catch up from monday night.

If you search for cherry's parenting nightmares on bbc iplayer you should find it.

It is shocking!

OP posts:

CharleneysWishWellingtons · 17/08/2011 20:16

I was also very shocked watching that. Especially putting them outside at night time!
Didn't the dad give the little boy a right whack aswell when he was holding the camera? It was a bit more than a smack.

Sirzy · 17/08/2011 20:16

I watched and felt very sorry for those children. Certainly wouldn't be a method I would want to use.

sazm · 17/08/2011 20:19

theres a huge difference between smacking your kids and what that couple were doing to their kids,even the way they speak to them, very sad :(

BeehiveBaby · 17/08/2011 20:19

I was mortified and skipped it on iplayer. Assuming that it can't be considered abusive (by professionals) or it wou;dn't have been included? There is another thread (I looked straight after watching to check that I wasn't alone!) where two MNers said that the couple had appeared on another show and were not strict at all, bizarre!

sazm · 17/08/2011 20:36

yep,i usually really like the 'cherry does' programmes, but i didnt like this one,they just seemed to slap one of their kids even when they hardly done a thing.
i do smack - VERY occasionally - when dd ran out onto the road in front of a car - she has never done it again. and when ds took his arms out his carseat straps. I feel in those cases,they needed a quick shock to make them realise how dangerous it was, and it did work. smacking constantly like that couple teaches kids nothing,except how horrible grown ups can be :(

Original poster

DraculasMum · 17/08/2011 20:39

the other thing that pulled a string with me is when they were with that 14 year old, why did they let her get that drunk before calling her mum?

It seemed like they just carried on filming just for their material!

Beehive that sounds odd! Maybe they want the money!

OP posts:

sazm · 17/08/2011 20:44

yep,they didnt even just let her get drunk though,she couldnt even stand up by the time they phoned her mum :(

Original poster

DraculasMum · 17/08/2011 20:48

Awful behaviour.

I quite liked the liberal mum who home schooled and let her kids make their choices she seemed the best of all of them!

OP posts:

CharleneysWishWellingtons · 17/08/2011 20:50

I was wondering too how grown adults could stand around and watch a 14 year old get shit faced.
All about the ratings isn't it..

Original poster

DraculasMum · 17/08/2011 21:02

you hit the nail on the head there charlene.

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fedupofnamechanging · 17/08/2011 21:11

Agree. I thought that making their kids stand outside in the dark - basically scaring them into submission - was awful. And even if you are a parent who believes that smacking is acceptable, those parents were ott.

I think with the drunk teenager, they had promised not to take sides, so may not have been entirely clear as to when they should have stepped in. Possibly because she was in their sight the whole time they knew that she was not in danger from anyone else. Am trying to give them the benefit of the doubt here, but I would have been on the phone to her mum, the minute she broke her promise about not drinking.

DaydreamDolly · 17/08/2011 21:14

Those two smackers were bullies, plain and simple. Controlling bullies and I'd be concerned for those children's welfare tbh.

fedupofnamechanging · 17/08/2011 21:23

What they were doing didn't actually work. Their children continued to do the things that got them smacked. Why would you consider yourself to be a good or effective parent if your methods were failing? They were so busy congratulating themselves that they appear not to have noticed. The crew should have pointed out that they might not 'need' to smack if they started an approach to discipline that actually worked and not one that included bullying and scaring their dc.

crazycatlady · 17/08/2011 21:25

Me too daydream. I don't believe they can be that strict, one of the kids was using a dummy, aged what, 4?

AliGrylls · 17/08/2011 21:26

Agree with Charlene. Thought the behaviour re the drunk teenager was awful there was terrible.

Re the smacking: they are the sort of people who give people who smack occasionally a bad name. People assume all smacking is abuse when they see parents like that and that is how it should NOT be used. I have used smacking no more than a couple of times in 6 months - both occasions have been for causing physical pain to another child / parent. It works. They were definitely way over the top.

Marymaryalittlecontrary · 17/08/2011 22:01

I am a teacher and aunt (not a parent yet) and I am very strict. I also have no problem if parents want to use the odd smack as discipline when it is warranted. But, I thought those parents were unnecessarily cruel. Putting children outside in the dark to try to get them to be terrified, and therefore start to behave, is horrible. Also, as I was explaining to my husband, they shouldn't have been smacking a little boy to get him to go to bed. They should have been taking him to bed, tucking him in and reading him a story! Poor kid.

I was also surprised that Cherry didn't phone that girl's mother a lot sooner than she did. The latest I would have phones would have been 8 o' clock when she wasn't allowed into the gig for being drunk. I really felt that as the adult Cherry had a duty of care towards the girl. What shocked me more though was the fact that the venue called the police because of her behaviour and the police officer did not take her home. The girl said to him 'don't tell my mum' and he replied something like, 'no I'm not going to tell your mum, I'm just checking that you're ok.' I hope that he didn't take her home because there was a film crew of adults there watching her, and that if it had been a lone teen in that state that he would have done.

tallulah · 17/08/2011 22:20

I found the most irritating bit of the programme was Cherry trying to get her DD to eat. Why on earth didn't she sit down with her, give her her food in a plastic bowl and let her get on with it? She was so shocked at the end when her DD did start to eat but she said it had been 11 hours. I do think she comes across as quite stupid and does far too much navel gazing, rather than just getting on with it.

FWIW we used to threaten our DC with the Chimney Man if they didn't behave It was the only thing that got them to behave.

Original poster

DraculasMum · 17/08/2011 22:27

I do like the programmes cherry has been making lately however some of them come across quite pointless.

I had never heard of her until seeing the shows, most of the time she is sat eating a meal with the families which is odd.

Having a lap dance from the woman who she was interviewing made me cringe a little.

OP posts:

Original poster

DraculasMum · 17/08/2011 22:27

I do like the programmes cherry has been making lately however some of them come across quite pointless.

I had never heard of her until seeing the shows, most of the time she is sat eating a meal with the families which is odd.

Having a lap dance from the woman who she was interviewing made me cringe a little.

OP posts:

CharleneysWishWellingtons · 17/08/2011 23:12

It seemed that the parents were taking "smacking" as their first option, not even trying to discipline the children verbally first.
And i agree with Karma, it obviously wasn't working.
I dont disagree with smacking if really needed but to me, that was smacking for the hell of it. Made me really sad to watch it actually :(

redexpat · 18/08/2011 01:22

I rather enjoyed this programme!
Re: smacking. Like all of you I think it was too much, and if you do it at all, it's the absolute last resort. I don't think saying 'go upstairs NOW please' is very clear communication. There was no warning, no if you don't stop that you'll get a smack.

I felt v sorry for the little girl who was never allowed anywhere and was scared of all adults, gangs etc. Thought that was tragic.

I also wondered why the Mum who had 3 jobs to buy her kids stuff didn't just use the money to pay for a private education.

I also felt for the mum and the teenager. Tough time.

mummytotwoboys · 18/08/2011 01:53

im 30, my mum smacked me (after ONE warning) and I was a well behaved kid, never got into any trouble and I love my mum to bits and I know she always loved me. I wasnt afraid of her but i did respect her authority. - dont see the problem with smacking to be honest . . .

Obviously dont agree with abuse and terrifying children which is what appeared to be going on here - very sad :(

AliGrylls · 18/08/2011 13:56

tallulah, complete agree re her child. I find the best way to get DS1 to eat is to put the meal in front of him and then ignore. I don't think Cherry seems that bright either.

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