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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a little put out by DB and SIL's request?

50 replies

KittyWalker · 15/08/2011 11:14

My children are all older than DB's DS so when DN came along I offered DB and SIL the pick of all my baby things. They took loads high chair, travel cot, all DS's baby clothes - great, both families happy, I have more space they have lots of baby essentials they don't have to go out and buy.

Over the last couple of years as my DS has been growing out of clothes and toys I have always put the good stuff to one side and let SIL take any of it she wants and she regularly does which again is great!

A couple of weeks ago my washing line fell down and my dad offered to cement it in while we were on holiday (kids not around, allow time for the cement to dry without children interfering) which he did and I was extremely grateful. When I got home he said that as he only needed a little bit of cement rather than buy a bag DB had given him a little bit and told my dad to tell me

"don't worry about paying me for it next time you go shopping just by DN a little something"

I was a bit [shocked] tbh but AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

KittyWalker · 15/08/2011 11:14

sorry buy

OP posts:

Horopu · 15/08/2011 11:16

You are so not being unreasonable.

Cheeseandbiscuits · 15/08/2011 11:16

Yanbu. Bloody cheeky if you ask me. I'd have to say something!

mummyzoe2012 · 15/08/2011 11:18

i would be anoyyed by that comment. i would pretend that i did not hear it and if they ask just say sorry but ive gave you loads of stuff and not asked for a penny of you. i could of sold that and it could of payed for the childrens bday/xmas prezzies.

firsttimer84 · 15/08/2011 11:18

I'd be so annoyed at this! Just say while laughing, well I think your child does well from me already!

Katisha · 15/08/2011 11:18

Maybe your supply of free clothing has to mysteriously dry up if they are taking you for granted to that extent.

MoominsAreScary · 15/08/2011 11:18

Yanbu even if you didn't give db all your baby things hes being unreasonable to expect something for abit of cement! If he brings it up remind him how you've helped with baby things over the years!

lachesis · 15/08/2011 11:19

YANBU. He gave his dad a little bit of cement for his own sister and expects some form of payment? Tight-fisted. As it's your brother, I'd have no qualms about telling him so, too.

ChristinedePizan · 15/08/2011 11:22

A 10kg bag of cement costs under a fiver. I'd be tempted to empty one over his doorstep personally but that's a bit petty

gillybean2 · 15/08/2011 11:22

DB may well be clueless as to how much stuff you've given them, or of it's value.
I wouldn't mention it again, or if it comes up and you feel they are being serious laugh and say something like 'well a little take after all the give isn't going to kill you...'

I don't think people generlly appreciate that second hand items have any value. They regard it as doing yu a favour by taking it off your hand. My sister was the same. I now tend to pass my hand-me-downs to someone who appreciates it rather than expects it IYKWIM

skybluepearl · 15/08/2011 11:24

i'm sure your dad didn't think about it properly - don't take offence. he probably hasn't even properly registered all the items being passed on to DN. it wasn't your brothers suggestion - so would laugh it off

skybluepearl · 15/08/2011 11:27

sorry just re-reqad you post. Brother did tell you to buy something little for DN. I recon he has no idea about how much help all your baby stuff has been. Does he actually see the bags of clothes being passed over to DN? Next time you pass a bag on can you joke and say you won't charge him for them.

petitepeach · 15/08/2011 11:29

You have every right to be annoyed!!

In my experience you often come accross lifes 'takers' and for some unknown reason they always seem to be related!!

I wouldn't mention the cement unless they do then say as above ' I think you have had lots of little somethings from me over the past ha ha '
Leave it at that and don't offer any more of your things, or not everything if you can't bear to do that!
I had a similar situation, got so bad they were eyeing up the clothes lables when my dd was still wearing them!! In the end I chose to give bulk of my stuff to either surestart where they will be greatly appreciated and to friends, people who are genuinely happy to get the clothes and usually buy my dc's a little prezzie to say thanks (which I don't expect but is nice all the same!)

Some people just have a wierd sense of entitlement/no manners!

Your stuff do what you like with it, if they haven't even said a proper thanks or bought you a bottle of something as a thankyou, I wouldn't even feel guilty!

revolutionscoop · 15/08/2011 11:32

Agree with Skybluepearl. Next time they're collecting their freebies, say "don't worry about paying for them now, just buy something extra nice for my dc next time you're shopping." This one strikes a chord with me, having a mean take take take minded sibling myself.

pommedechocolat · 15/08/2011 11:33

I would ignore it but make the offers of hand me downs a lot more stingy. Then if either is ever bought up explain.

YANBU

oldraver · 15/08/2011 11:34

Well when you pass on the next bag of stuff just say "Oh I dont want any money for them even though I could of made shed loads on E-Bay .Just buy DS a little something"

2BoysTooLoud · 15/08/2011 11:34

What did your Dad think? Think my Dad might have said something like 'I'm sure you can just help out your sister without being paid'.

ClaireDeLoon · 15/08/2011 11:35

YANBU is your DB normally like that?

BBQFrenzy · 15/08/2011 11:41

Ooh good response from revolutionscoop - I'd use that one Kitty next time (if there is a next time) you hand anything over.

I get lots of preloved stuff from a good friend (including not one but two car seats for DS) and while they are in a good position financially, still doesn't mean to have they to be handing stuff over me rather than either someone else or e-bay it or freecycle it for better altruistic brownie points. I try and balance things up as best as I can (paid for a new car seat for her eldest DC because I was inheriting the second one for DS so had already saved me at least £300 if not more) or if I see some little thing for her DCs while I'm out will get that (aeroplane distraction/pocket money gifts for when they were travelling etc.) Am also careful about asking whether something is wanted back before I pass something on (although am terrible at remembering where stuff came from so should have kept a list! I trust that she knows to ask if I am remiss in not offering because I have forgotten what is whose). I now have a shedload of stuff at my parents which I keep meaning to ebay so me and her can go on a good night out/spa day - one of these days I will actually do it.

Also I think I would slow down on the handing stuff over now they have made it so obvious it is expected. Maybe you had to ebay it to buy some cement?

Original poster

KittyWalker · 15/08/2011 12:04

My brother isn't normally like this so I wonder if it's SILs comment. She is lovely but she has a strange family with strange ways.

I am very surprised my dad delivered the message as he knows they get a lot of DSs stuff.

Oh well at least I am reassured IANBU

OP posts:

gillybean2 · 15/08/2011 12:11

Maybe your dad wanted you to know that they are taking you for a ride then if he passed the comment on...?

thestringcheeseincident · 15/08/2011 12:12

Some people are tight and ill mannered.

pigletmania · 15/08/2011 13:57

Cheeky rude individuals. I would helpfully remind them of all the stuff you have given, and that in that case you want paying for it. Don't give them anything more.

TheOriginalFAB · 15/08/2011 14:01

You know YANBU but I would not give any more stuff. I gave away 6 bags full of clothes to a cousin and she couldn't even thank me for it. Mind you, we don't get thank yous when we buy her kids stuff, not even when she sees us. I know she doesn't like me but even so.

ShoutyHamster · 15/08/2011 14:15

Haha.

I'd text back - 'Hi, thanks so much for your help, Dad said about not worrying about paying for the handful of cement - so generous of you! He mentioned that you said about getting DN a little something instead - which of our gifts would you like to consider to be the cement payment? High chair, travel cot or clothes? There's probably more, haha I've given you so much I can't remember it all now. Anyway, no worries, you take your pick of what you think suits best as payment for a handful of cement. Thanks again, lots of love xxx'

But then I am snippy like that :)

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