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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told my dp he's inconsiderate

32 replies

boudiccasSideKick · 12/08/2011 15:19

In order that I don't waffle on too much, will just list conversation as I'm still growling about it.

Little background knowledge for you:

DP checks in with me earlier in the day, I ask him what time he will be back in the evening so I can prepare dinner. He says the ususal time, which is 8.30 to 9pm.

I'm still sitting there, dinner congealing at 10.45. He walks in and, here we go...

Me - "You're very late, dinner is ruined, why didn't you let me know you weren't coming home till now.
DP - "I told you I would probably work longer"
Me - "No you didn't"
DP - "We must have got our wires crossed then"
Me - "No "we" didn't get our wires crossed as you told me you'd be home as normal.

I'm expecting an apology now...

DP - "Well you could have just left dinner out for me and gone to bed if you wanted"

Other muttering from him I can't understand

Me - "Why can't you just apologise for being inconsiderate?"
DP - "How dare you call me inconsiderate, I'm not at all inconsiderate"

I'm getting a bit mad now!

Me - "What would you call it then?"
DP - "Like I said WE just got our wires crossed"

Things start to get a bit shouty/messy now so won't go on.

He's a damn swerver isn't he? Isn't he?

OP posts:
verylittlecarrot · 12/08/2011 15:30

Next time you both agree a time for you to serve his lovingly prepared meal to him, I suggest you forget entirely his portion.

And tell him he must have had his wires crossed.

ChaoticAngeltheInnocentOne · 12/08/2011 15:32

Do you have a dog? If so next time feed it to him.

MadamDeathstare · 12/08/2011 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstare · 12/08/2011 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
boudiccasSideKick · 12/08/2011 15:37
Smile What a damn good idea verylittlecarrot. Or I could use the mouldy bread I was just about to throw away to "lovingly" make a few sandwiches for him for lunch tomorrow. Mouldy bits on the inside disguised with lashings of saladcream of course.
OP posts:
Original poster
boudiccasSideKick · 12/08/2011 15:41

Or I could "lovingly" run a bath for him later and pee in it? Is that too evil

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 12/08/2011 15:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaoticAngeltheInnocentOne · 12/08/2011 15:45
slightlymad72 · 12/08/2011 15:45

Every evening we all sit down for dinner together at 6:30pm, my husband knows this, he normally gets home any where between 4pm and 6pm. At times he gets home later any where up to 8pm, the times he does this I am usually the one that has to phone him to find out where he his and how long he will be.
This week after yet again chasing him at 6:30 and being told he won't be home for at least another hour, I laid down the law. He either tells me in good time that he will be home late (he knows by about 4pm whether he will be) or I don't cater for him. I am waiting for when I can put this into action as I believe he thinks I am bluffing.

SparkleSecret · 12/08/2011 15:45

The poor mans working give him a break OP.

ChaoticAngeltheInnocentOne · 12/08/2011 15:47

Working is not an excuse for being inconsiderate.

OohThatsMyTractor · 12/08/2011 15:48

Yes he is inconsiderate, I also get this at home with my DP, last night for example

me: what time will you be home dear so that your lovingly prepared supper will be ready for you?
DP: I'll just finish combining this field so won't be long

turns up 4 hours later after having neglected to mention that he was in a 150 acre field and therefore had A LOT more to go!

He is a farmer, he has been a farmer all his life, he knows EXACTLY how long it will take him to combine a field, he knows EXACTLY how long it will take him to get from one side of the farm to the other and yet every single night for the last three weeks he has not been home when he said he would!

And the icing on the cake is when he asks if I can bring it out to him! Grr! And when he is told off for being inconsiderate he does the 'wounded puppy' face and claims that he told me exactly when he would be home Hmm

Men, eh

Original poster
boudiccasSideKick · 12/08/2011 15:48

MadamDeathStare - they do sound rather similar don't they!

OP posts:
Original poster
boudiccasSideKick · 12/08/2011 15:53

He's a black cabbie and hardly takes any notice of his phone. Probably would have been even crosser if I had and he didn't answer.

OP posts:
SparkleSecret · 12/08/2011 15:55

Chaotic-I wouldn't know if it's inconsiderate or not as I've cooked for my OH 3 times in all the years I've been with him.He cooks everynight.So I probably would be annoyed at him for coming home late as I'd be very hungryGrin

OhHelpOhNo · 12/08/2011 15:58

Definitely NBU, in fact I have just had a similar conversation with DH....he called to tell me he'd leave at 5 and got narky when I said I'd believe it when he did it, he never ever ever leaves when he says.

It's not the working/being late that irks me but the NOT letting ne know, sigh.

jeckadeck · 12/08/2011 16:00

YANBU. Men are very good at swerving this sort of thing and then trying to turn it on its head and accuse you of being "controlling" because you want some basic information. Don't take it.

Original poster
boudiccasSideKick · 12/08/2011 16:05

SparkleSecret - I work too

OP posts:
HeidiKat · 12/08/2011 16:05

I don't really see what the big deal is tbh, DH has sometimes had to work later than usual and hasn't had time to let me know as he's so busy, I eat my dinner and put his in the microwave for when he gets in.

SparkleSecret · 12/08/2011 16:10

Well don't cook for him anymore.Tell him it's his job.Why should you have to do it all the time anyway?

Original poster
boudiccasSideKick · 12/08/2011 16:18

Oh you lot, sometimes I didn't say it was a big deal? Lighten up

OP posts:
MagicFingerGoesPop · 12/08/2011 16:25

YANBU, a bit. TBH the way your OP is worded, if that was the first thing out of your mouth as he walked in the door, it probably got his back up.

Yes, he should have told you what time he would be home, but you didnt call when he wasnt in when expected. and you could have just put it aside ready for the oven/microwave, so it really isnt a big deal.

pinkthechaffinch · 12/08/2011 16:25

he said that he told you he'd be late, but he didn't?

he's gaslighting you, leave him immediately.

QuietTiger · 12/08/2011 16:27

OohThatsMyTractor - I had EXACTLY the same problem. Although to be fair, I have now solved it by putting DH's dinner in the dog and serving him beans on toast 6 days in a row! Now he phones me about 30 minutes before he's due to finish. Then I add 10 minutes, because invariably a calf has escaped or somesuch. That now works well and stops arguments.

Before we got married, my MIL gave me a lecture. She said that as a farmers wife, I had to be at his beck and call, tolerate the farm coming first before me, blah, blah, blah, and some other such bullshit about how it was my job to run around after him and be his devoted minion. my MIL is a batty loon who drives me nuts My MIL has fucking stupid "old fashioned" ideas. Her ideas lasted about 30 seconds after I moved in with DH. Lets just say, he was trained pretty damn fast!

Joolyjoolyjoo · 12/08/2011 16:27

I learned long ago to make a plate of dinner for DH, and one for dad. I ate mine warm, with the kids. They come in whenever suits them and reheat in the microwave. Far less stress!

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