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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU regarding money I am owed?

41 replies

passingtime · 11/08/2011 09:54

I lent a friend in desperation £50 a couple of weeks ago. She had finally got back in to work and needed to be able to pay for the train each day.

She borrowed it saying 'I get my final jsa payment on monday - pay you back then'

2 weeks later she is swerving the phone. I text yesterday to say I have hardly any Gas/Electricity and I need the money back (she was ignoring when I called)

She has blanked me.

DP sent her a text to say did you get passingtimes message? we have no gas/elec?? and she replied to him straight away saying 'not got it sorry had to spend it'

I am now furious for 2 reasons a) blanking me and replying to my dp and b) swerving me in the first place when I was good enough to help her out

I know its only £50 but we aren't exactly flush ourselves right now!

OP posts:
pictish · 11/08/2011 09:56

Don't lend anything you can't afford to lose.

I learned the hard way, and so too have you.

Yanbu at all, but sadly this sort of scenario is all too common. Bad luck.

TheMonster · 11/08/2011 09:59

How nasty when you have done something nice and helped someone out. It could be that she seriously hasn't had the money to give back - but she should have made paying you back a priority when she got her JSA.
I think you should keep bugging her for it.

MissPenteuth · 11/08/2011 09:59

YANBU, and she should have been honest in the first place about not having the money rather than avoiding your calls. But there's a saying: "Never lend more money than you can afford to lose".

You need to talk to her (if she'll answer her phone) and arrange how and when she can pay you back. Could you take monthly installments of a tenner?

2littlegreenmonkeys · 11/08/2011 09:59

YANBU, £50 is a lot of money. Your friend is BU for not calling you at the very least to explain that she doesn't have the money yet. But to ignore your calls and texts is horrid.

I have learnt this lesson the hard way and no longer lend money that I cannot afford to loose.

clam · 11/08/2011 10:06

And drop her as a friend right away. She's treated you badly, not just through "having" to spend what she owed you, but by avoiding you when she owed you an explanation. You don't need friends like that.

Filibear · 11/08/2011 10:08

This reply has been deleted

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Gissabreak · 11/08/2011 10:11

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Original poster
passingtime · 11/08/2011 10:12

I was thinking thhe same clam my dp has been saying it for ages!

Worst part is she is now earning more than me in her new Job and still hasn't the decency to pay me back!

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 11/08/2011 10:16

If she could not afford the train to work, and she earns more, she will possibly get her first salary in a month? She probably owes money to a lot of people and making strategic decisions as to who is paid when. (and figures because you are a friend, you wont really mind, and your friendship is safe and sound whatever she does....)

Gissabreak · 11/08/2011 10:18

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QuintessentialShadow · 11/08/2011 10:23

Gissabreak, I suppose I am neither, and for sure not the latter!!

I was trying to say, in the nicest possible way, that because the OP is a friend, the "friend" wont give a shit about paying her back. It is not her priority.

As to whether the OP should accept it?

I wouldnt!

Gissabreak · 11/08/2011 10:24

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DoMeDon · 11/08/2011 10:27

Never a borrower nor a lender be - I learnt that the hard way too.

Hate it when people do this. It is not their decision how to spend your money - which is waht they do when they decide to spend the money you're owed!!

HairyBeaver · 11/08/2011 11:13

I'd text her 3 times a day, every day, for the money back just to annoy her Grin

PrincessScrumpy · 11/08/2011 11:23

I would ask when she is getting her first pay packet and say I can wait until then (purly as I don't think you stand a chance of getting the money if you constantly hassle her if she doesn't have it). I would drop her as a friend as soon as she's paid up after her first pay day. If she doesn't pay up then, then I would then hassle her lots - but only if you have free texts!

littlegreenalien · 11/08/2011 11:57

I'd hassle to get the money back by getting your DP to ask her when she will pay it back as you are having to budget most carefully at the moment.

Once it is back in your hands, I'd wait a month or so, let he have a couple of months paid employment and then ask her for a loan of say £40 for something vital that can't wait.

If she refuses or makes excuses that she can't afford to lend to you, then you have your answer, she wasn't just avoiding you because she was embarrassed at not having the money to repay you quickly, she is a selfish individual who uses friends and thinks only of herself.

Original poster
passingtime · 12/08/2011 14:09

just thought you might like the latest update on this - the 'friend' in question has send me a nasty message questioning where MY wages have gone because she knows I was only paid 2 weeks ago......I am Shock

OP posts:
PrincessScrumpy · 12/08/2011 14:13

She is nuts - it doesn't matter how you spend your money, it's about how she has spent your's. If she genuinely can't pay you yet she should be grovelling and full of apologies.

TiaMariaandDietCoke · 12/08/2011 14:16

Shock that is seriously out of order! It is none of her business if you want to find the nearest gutter and shove fivers down it - its your money to do with what you will - SHE owes YOU money, not the other way around! I'm afraid I'd probably tell her that, in so many words - probably wouldn't help with getting the money back though :(

nickelbabe · 12/08/2011 14:19

your friend has been very rude - expecially in her last message Shock

but, as others have said, you've learned the hard way. :(

nomoreheels · 12/08/2011 14:20

People who borrow money out of desperation rarely pay it back IME, because to pay it back is then beyond their cash flow means. I have also seen the head in the sand approach where they almost pretend they didn't borrow it, or hope you'll just give up. Or assume that because it's been loaned by friends or family, that it is secretly a gift.

In addition to the don't loan rule, I'd add never borrow advances. Better to scrape by for a week if you can than spend money before you've got it.

Your "friend" is no friend at all. I'd threaten her with small claims court & see if that scares her into coughing up.

OhCobblers · 12/08/2011 14:24

Or threaten to go to her new place of work and kick up a fuss - she might sort things a bit quicker then!

what an appalling person - how awful to have to find out the hard way - hope you get it sorted.

LineRunner · 12/08/2011 14:25

I had a friend who did this to me. Similar amount, just a bit smaller.

In the end I told him to 'keep it' as all his Christmas presents and birthday presents rolled into one. We still remain friendly (not friends) in mixed company.

The good thing is that he dare not ever ask to borrow money from me again. He's always on the cadge with other people (and then avoiding them); at least I'm out of that saga now.

Debs75 · 12/08/2011 14:33

OP keep bugging her and you will get it back.
Last September I leant my best friend £200 to pay her rent as her tax credits had messed up. I was promised it the week after. I finally got £100 in December after sending her 3-4 txts daily for 2 weeks begging for the money back. I got the other £100 back in May. She couldn't pay it in March as her dd turned 1 and they spent loads on a crappy party.
She also bought a pram off me in October and has only just paid that back, after initially denying she owed me the money.

Then as you all are thinking MUG we are both kleeneze reps and she helped me get a bonus by putting some orders through on my account. She refused to pay and I have had to stop trading. I thought we had worked it out when she agreed to pay £500 back in £25 instalments but they have now stopped.

yes I am a mug and I have been taken for the biggest ride ever. It is really heartbreaking for me as we have been friends for years and I was so happy when we had a 2nd set of dc's together as they could be friends but she has totally destroyed my faith in her. When she finally gets the money sorted and I am paid back I will be cutting all ties with her

notmyproblem · 12/08/2011 14:39

Make it clear to you that you intend to tell all your mutual friends and acquaintances that she borrowed £50 from you with no intention of paying it back. That you'll warn all of them to keep their wallets to themselves and never lend her a penny again.

Unless she pays you back right away.

Basically your £50 is gone, so think of what kind of things you can consider "bought" for that £50... things like embarrassing her to your mutual friends, rubbing it in every chance you get, going after her in small claims court (make sure the letter is served to her at work in front of all her colleagues), laughing in her face if she ever asks you any favours for anything again, making sure she knows you will NEVER forget it, etc.