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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I be pissed off with DP??

32 replies

JamaicaGeisha · 10/08/2011 20:41

Last night said 'I'll be back in an hour', took 2.
Tonight left at 5.45, saying 'I'll be back in less than an hour'. Still not back. Currently I do not have a phone in the house so can't ring him.

I know where he will be, I know he is not cheating, and actually I really like having the time on my own. So should I be tell him off for breaking his word, or just leave it as I am actually not that bothered?

OP posts:
cjbartlett · 10/08/2011 20:42

Where is he then?

AuntieMonica · 10/08/2011 20:44

you say he's not cheating, can i guess where he is?

but YANBU to be pissed off for him constantly being later than he said, this winds me up too.

thisisyesterday · 10/08/2011 20:46

ahh dp does this and it does annoy me.
i have told him either

be honest. tell me how long you're really going to be... i probably won't mind!

or, if you are genuinely held up then let me know so i don't worry!

Original poster
JamaicaGeisha · 10/08/2011 20:47

He's at his friends house. I was there with them both, said I wanted to come home and he could go back. So he dropped me back at home and went off. Unless that is a very elaborate cover plan with said friend to ensure some action (!!), that makes me definite he is not cheating.

OP posts:
Hatesponge · 10/08/2011 20:48

My ex used to do this all the time.

Fine when on a Sunday afternoon for example I enjoyed a bit of time to myself and wasn't that fussed.

Not so good when he would disappear to the shops to buy one or two specific (and irgently required) items and be gone for 2 or more hours. I think 4 hours was the record. And his phone battery always died so I couldn't call him.

He wasn't cheating. He just had no concept of time and no thought for anyone else. That - and many, many, other reasons - is why he is now my ex.

Hatesponge · 10/08/2011 20:48

urgently

sherbertdipdab · 10/08/2011 20:49

is he donning a super hero costume and keeping the streets safe?

MissBeehiving · 10/08/2011 20:49

This wouldn't bother me and if it doesn't bother you why would you be pissed off Confused?

AnyFucker · 10/08/2011 20:50

why is he lying then ?

are you a very controlling person, who never lets him out of your sight ?

because constant little white lies in a relationship are a big ole red flag,a nd certainly demonstrate very little respect for a partner

AuntieMonica · 10/08/2011 20:57

i'd be a bit suspicious though, or cynical at least.

do you have DCs together? where do they go when he's at his mate's house?

Original poster
JamaicaGeisha · 10/08/2011 20:59

I have slight controlling tendencies at times, but I don't think any more than average, and he can go out whenever he wants.

That's what I though AnyFucker, I am bothered by the not keeping to a commitment. I wouldn't call it a lie though, as lies to me imply talking about the past.

I think it might be a case of he looks at the time and thinks 'oh well, she won't mind', which I suppose is true. This I could deal with.

I also think he finds it hard to say no to people so if they want to stay out longer he will probably stay. This is a serious character weakness in my book, especially if he is taking his friends wishes over his word to me.

The thing that bugs me is he wouldn't like it if I did it. I think that's why I want to be pissed off.

OP posts:
WhiteTrash · 10/08/2011 21:02

My dp goes to the garage or local supermarket and it takes him a good 45 mins to an hr longer than it takes me and he drives there! Lile you OP Ive been tempted to say wtf have you been?! But figue its pointless since it doesnt bother me. I just wonder, what on earth is he doing? I think he sits in his car smoking playing with his phone (bet ya glad I said phone) and making the most of the break! Lazy fucker Wink

AnyFucker · 10/08/2011 21:03

Yep, good idea to reverse it

if he wouldn't like it, he shouldn't do it to you

squeakytoy · 10/08/2011 21:04

I also think he finds it hard to say no to people so if they want to stay out longer he will probably stay. This is a serious character weakness in my book, especially if he is taking his friends wishes over his word to me.

That does sound a bit "control freaky" to be honest. I often go out with my friends, even my MIL, and say I will be a couple of hours, but end up losing track of time. My husband doesnt give me grief, and I dont give him grief when he does the same.

If we had made arrangements to do something and either of us were holding the other up, then it would be different, but otherwise, it is a bit unreasonable to clock watch another adult.

Original poster
JamaicaGeisha · 10/08/2011 21:06

No we don't have DCs. I do trust he is where he says he is though. When I did have a phone and he didn't I would ring his friend if he was taking too long, and speak to him on his friend's phone

OP posts:
LareyLaptopLover · 10/08/2011 21:07

why are you asking strangers if you should be annoyed?

either you are or you arent Confused

AnyFucker · 10/08/2011 21:08

hmm, you have a history of checking up on him then ?

I might be changing my bias somewhat here....

AuntieMonica · 10/08/2011 21:09

if you know where he is, it isn't a problem for you as you like the time to yourself, why are you calling him up?

Original poster
JamaicaGeisha · 10/08/2011 21:12

But squeakytoy one hour should not turn into 4 surely, especially when we can't contact each other.

LLL I'm asking because I'm not annoyed, but feel he would be if the same situation.

OP posts:
Malificence · 10/08/2011 21:14

If someone says they'll be back in an hour, I'd expect them back in 55 minutes.
Unless it was for a very good reason, I'd be utterly furious with DH if he did this to me, it's totally disrespectful.

Control freaky? Probably, but DH has two choices, like it or lump it. Wink

squeakytoy · 10/08/2011 21:16

Well you are on the internet, does he have FB on his mobile? do you have skype? no landline?

Is he miles away?

Are you about to go into labour or at risk?

I quite often go out without my phone so that I can have peace, but I grew up in an era when having a mobile wasnt invented, so it doesnt really bother me if I am not contactable for a few hours at a time.

spookshowangel · 10/08/2011 21:18

my exh use to do this but he was an alcoholic. its frustrating and annoying to be expecting someone at a certain time regularly and they dont come back. it is disrespectful for him to say to you i am going to the shop and to then go to his friends house. but then i suppose that would depend on if he were to just say to you i am going to my friends would you react well, does he feel he has to sneak to avoid confrontation?

Malificence · 10/08/2011 21:26

It's a different ball game if your partner says they don't exactly know when they'll be back, but when someone specifies a time or time limit, they should bloody well stick to it.

If both parties have a laissez-faire attiitude to things like this it's fair enough, but if the one doing it wouldn't be happy about it being done to them, then it's rank hypocrisy.

blackeyedsusan · 10/08/2011 22:32

it's annoying and disrespectful, but would he have rung if you had a phone to let you know?

it depends where someone is and how they are getting there/back, and whether the person waiting in needs them back for a reason, eg to go out themselves (or they are pregnant and vomitting and are looking after a toddler and want some help because you have been gone 10 hours already grrr Angry )

on the other hand, if you are not busy, it is good to have a bit of freedom to dawdle and pop somewhere else, within reason, or to ring and let someone know you are going to be longer.

clueless1 · 10/08/2011 22:35

Id be pissed off!