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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To "keep a eye" on bil's gf around my dh?

55 replies

Morevodkaplease · 09/08/2011 21:30

it's not dh I have the issue with, intact he is a bit Hmm like me!

We both share a laptop at the moment so if we are having a nosey on Facebook there is a good chance it may be the other ones page that is still logged in (just clearing this up that there is no snooping involved)

Brief history is we did not speak to bil for many years (dh younger bro) we made contact a few months ago and there is a new girlfriend on the scene.

I am not shy in admitting my dh is the nicer, kinder, better looking and more successful of the two brothers (his brother is a lazy slob but that is a whole other thread) right from the first meeting I felt the gf was overfriendly with dh and he said after we left she was to full on for his liking. I put it down to just the way she was but now it seems to be stepping up a gear.

On a recent day out she would not leave dh's side, was getting quite awkward how she always had to be next to him or sitting beside him, now he has started receiving private Facebook messages from her. Nothing at all sinister but just friendly banter and asking how he is etc (never any mention of me or dc)

It's starting to niggle at me now, why send private messages she already replies to anything he puts on his wall so why not just put up a public post?

I'm not worried at all about anything happening between them dh finds it as odd as me but bil and her have a child together plus dh has just started talking to bil again and I don't want anything/one to cause a rift between then again.

Not sure if I should casually mention I see all her messages and hope that makes her think twice or if I am a complete loon and she is naturally just a flirt?

OP posts:
magnolia74 · 09/08/2011 21:34

I would reply to her message but as you on dh's facebook just friendly banter back Smile, maybe making her aware that you know she is messaging him etc...

LolaRennt · 09/08/2011 21:35

what magnolia said

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 09/08/2011 21:37

He could always reply including you in his reply "Me and morevodka and the kids are fine thanks. How are you, X and child?"

Every time she talks to him, he replies with something that mentions you, the children, his brother and their child.

Sometimes says things like "Vodka is sitting right here, she says hi and how's the family doing"

Or you reply. "Husband asked me to reply to your pm cos he's a bit busy. We're all fine thanks, how are you all?"

Basically, lots of ways to re enforce that you are a family unit.

Or perhaps he would be better served not replying to her messages at all? Or do you think that not replying would lead to her telling bil that you were ignoring her?

Original poster
Morevodkaplease · 09/08/2011 21:38

Even reading it back I can't see much of issue but something just seems odd when she is around.

Might just do that magnolia, would let her know we see each others messages ;)

OP posts:
GreenEyesandHam · 09/08/2011 21:38

'Hiiiiii! How are you? Oh btw, it's not him it's me (we share FB accounts) we're all fine thanks, how are you two and the little one? oh and back off bitch'

Etc etc

lilmissminx · 09/08/2011 21:40

My first thought was eaxactly the same as Magnolia. Just be friendly and ignore her behaviour for now. If she doesn't get the idea, then just keep them at arm's length. If she is like that, then she'll move on from bil as soon as a new model comes along.

Original poster
Morevodkaplease · 09/08/2011 21:42

Dh has only replied to one of about 8 messages she has sent and that was only because it was about there child, I think I may have created a bit of the problem by not going with dh on a few visits when they first started talking but after everything that went on I felt they should have had sometime alone to talk (obv she did not feel this way!)

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 09/08/2011 21:43

I think you're right about the way the messages should be answered.

But when you're all out together, your husband has to behave differently. She is pushing to sit by him - he needs to say, "Hold on, I need to bag a seat for my wife." If she's walking with him, he should turn around to look for you.

It's not something I'd normally recommend, but she needs to know that he isn't that interested in talking to her on her own.

Original poster
Morevodkaplease · 09/08/2011 21:44

That made me laugh greeneyes :)

OP posts:
LolaRennt · 09/08/2011 21:45

it's just so pathetic isn't it?

Original poster
Morevodkaplease · 09/08/2011 21:48

Totally agree imperial, going to read that post out to him. His theory is ignore her and it will stop (his other theory is I can't cope with you why would I want anyone else Hmm)

OP posts:
pyjamababe · 09/08/2011 21:50

She sounds a bit thick. Outsmart her :)

Bohica · 09/08/2011 21:54

I would do as others have advised & keep it light, you don't want to come across as some jeleous wife but I would still want her to know i know sh is sending MY husband private messages.

HerHissyness · 09/08/2011 21:59

I'd be reviewing the visibility of what she can see on his page too tbh, with a view to having a jolly old clear out of friends. Grin

rhondajean · 09/08/2011 22:43

Your DH sounds clued up about what shes up to which is good. There is always the possibility that shes just that forward with everyone - I have met people like that - honest!!

You could always try to befriend her and then tell her how your husband is so fantastic and he seems to always have someone or other trying to throw themselves at him - how the two of you laugh about the silly billies together!

But I am a bit of a bitch all for giving people gentle hints.

Original poster
Morevodkaplease · 10/08/2011 08:41

Sent the following

"hi &&&&&, ££££££ asked me to reply to your message as he is busy playing with the baby, can you pass on message to bil that he will drop that DVD of later in the week. Many thanks vodka.

OP posts:
Original poster
Morevodkaplease · 10/08/2011 08:42

The DVD was never mentioned in any of her messages to dh so none of her questions have been answered.

OP posts:
Highlander · 10/08/2011 08:51

Sorry, I think you need to be waaaay more blunt with your DH. The PMing on Facebook is inappropriate,he needs to ignore it completely and only post on her wall.

I would point out to him that her flirting is upsetting you and you would appreciate it if he made it clear to her that he thinks it inappropriate as well.

When you 'get between them', it will only add fuel to her behaviour. The rebuff must come from your DH, and him alone.

howabout · 10/08/2011 08:58

I am a bit paranoid when using facebook and quite often use PM rather than wall posts when talking to family as I don't necessarily want all my friends to know about things within the family circle- just wondered if you should perhaps give her the benefit of the doubt on that one.

The monopolising your DH on visits is a bit more suspect but perhaps you and he could work at creating a united front to avoid this and give her opportunities to get to know you on her own as perhaps she is getting disapproving vibes from you and is therefore put off making the first move.

Original poster
Morevodkaplease · 10/08/2011 14:47

Well I know she has been on fb but has not replied to the message so hopefully she has realised I know and it's not acceptable.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/08/2011 15:04

I think your dh has to b ethe one to do the gentle warning-off, tbh

What are you protecting him for ?

It sounds like he's actually been a bit remiss in letting her get too friendly in the first place, if you ask me

Make him do it, let him feel a bit uncomfortable about it

I really hate the way that women bail these silly men out all the time "oh, he's just a man he didn't realise..."

well, if he didn't before, he does, now...so, his problem, not something that the wimmins have to sort out between themselves, is it ?

AnyFucker · 10/08/2011 15:06

the only thing she probably "realises" now is, he is a lily-livered nancy-boy who has to use his wife to get him out of uncomfortable situations

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/08/2011 15:10

I think....... you should get the gf to one side, fold your arms, wiggle your head and give her the old 'I don't know who you think you are skanky mare, but get your fat arse out of my DH's face or I'll rip you a new nostril' .... something sweet and friendly along those lines. :)

Original poster
Morevodkaplease · 10/08/2011 15:38

Right on the button anyfucker Grin

But he is my lily livered Nancy boy and he is quite a good catch so as long as I am convinced he is innocent I'm happy to help him along :)

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/08/2011 15:52

Gawd above, you remind me of that "wonderful" Nicole Shitsinger...

^I aint never gonna let no girl take him from me
Never gonna let no girl steal him from me
Never gonna let a girl get that close now
I tell'em hey babe your'e too close now^

Err, you can't "steal" a man, chuck Grin