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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told my neighbour NO?

57 replies

2littlegreenmonkeys · 07/08/2011 15:10

I have had a whinge about this neighbour before, in the grand scheme of things he is okay as a neighbour, just a bit annoying.

He text me earlier to see if I could do him a favor, I text back saying, 'Depends on what as I have a lot on'
He text back saying, 'I am trying to get some friends together I can trust to have DD when I go to football'

I did have an inkling that he was going to ask about babysitting. I text him back saying, no as DH and I have enough on with our own two DD's and when we do finally get them to bed or playing nicely together all we want to do is chill out.
Also his football that he goes to is once a fortnight (I know as DH & I let his dog in and out for him when he goes) He is also away overnight occasionally with it and I do not want anyone else's child overnight (unless for real emergencies)

Was I BU for saying that, as he is now not very happy with me (which I have not told him as I do not want a row with him as our next door neighbour is having over his dog)

There are many reasons I wont have his DD, one being that she is very hard work and does not get on with my DD's. He doesn't provide food or anything for her, she is still in nappies and I have to provide those as well. The last 2 times I babysat for him he said he would be an hour at most, I ended up having her a lot longer as he decided to do his shopping and cleaning but was not contactable (ignoring his phone I think) when I rang him. I only knew he was back as his car was parked up the street, so I took her home. I foolishly thought this was a one off so had her again soon after and he did the same.

His DD is 3 and can be quite nasty to my DD's especially DD2 as she is younger and will not stick up for herself as DD1 does and I don't want to deal with warring DC to be perfectly honest.

He is now saying that I don't know what it is like to be a single parent, true I don't know what it is like but it is hardly my fault he is a single parent.

I have suggested he ask around for teenage babysitters who he could pay, and pointed him in the direction of a babysitting site which has local sitters on it.

So WIBU to have told him no I wont?

OP posts:
ElsieMc · 07/08/2011 15:15

No, absolutely not. What an absolute cheek and he is attempting to guilt trip you. He is not prepared to pay, doesn't provide food or nappies and expects you to change them and is now pushing matters further. Put distance between you.

catgirl1976 · 07/08/2011 15:15

A bit tbh as it sounds like you are saying "no i won't be part of the circle that helps you out" as oppossed to "no not this time because"

from the sounds of his dd he could perhaps do with some help.

Mitmoo · 07/08/2011 15:16

There is nothing that says you have to, but overall it comes across as a bit mean. How nasty can a three year old be? How much effort would it be to check her if she was? You could have told him that you would if he supplied her foot and nappies.

I just think you wanted a quiet night in with your husband and why not?

Mitmoo · 07/08/2011 15:16

I assume foot supplied with the child whoops meant food.

treas · 07/08/2011 15:18

You know very well that you were not being unreasonable - you were well within your right to say no and you neighbour knows it too.

He is being ungracious and behaving like a child because his nose is out of joint. He'll be fine when he has his arrangements sorted.

valiumredhead · 07/08/2011 15:19

You are both being U as this sort of conservation should be had face to face and not texted!

TheMonster · 07/08/2011 15:19

YANBU.

Original poster
2littlegreenmonkeys · 07/08/2011 15:21

catgirl I don't want to be part of the circle that helps him out though. I couldn't say 'not this time' because that implies that there will be a time I will help him out.

I could (well DH & I) also do with some help,I am just getting over PND, I have dperession, extremem anxiety and OCD and things are bloody hard for me right now. I didn't tell him why (WRT his DD being hard work etc) as he will be completely horrid about it. Next door (he is next door but one) have complained about his dog barking all hours and he is awful to them. I don't want that, I get on with my neighbours and want it to stay like that.

I probably sound harsh, but I need to be as he quite frankly takes the piss.

OP posts:
biddysmama · 07/08/2011 15:22

is her mum not around or have i missed something?

i wouldnt, i dont mind having other peoples children, one more doesnt make much difference to me, but i wouldnt provide nappies since i use cloth, foods not much but leaving the child and not coming back when agreed would annoy me

Original poster
2littlegreenmonkeys · 07/08/2011 15:23

Yes I agree maybe I should have gone round to speak to him instead but I didn't I was actually in the middle of mopping the floor and looked a state Grin and was still in my jammies Blush I cba to get dressed Blush

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 07/08/2011 15:23

no, YANBU. People can ask you to babysit but you can always refuse.

catgirl1976 · 07/08/2011 15:23

Fair enough then - you are right to say no. I just felt a bit sorry for the DD.

Mitmoo · 07/08/2011 15:24

Scrap my last response you no longer sound mean you have a hell of alot on your plate and have to look after you. You have done the right thing for your and your family.

With anxiety and OCD I know how bad they can be just look after you and yours. Sorry about thinking you sounded mean now I know the whole story it makes perfect sense.

Original poster
2littlegreenmonkeys · 07/08/2011 15:26

No her mum is not in the picture unfortunately. I suppose that make me more U.

If he didn't take the piss so much I would have considered it occasionally, but there is no way it would have ended well if I had said to him that I would do it occasionally and only if he provided food and nappies. He would have gone ballistic, I have seen him in action when next door asked him to bring his dog in as the dog had been out all day barking.

OP posts:
Mitmoo · 07/08/2011 15:27

He really sounds very unpleasant.

biddysmama · 07/08/2011 15:29

i think i'd be having as little as possible to do with him

diddl · 07/08/2011 15:31

Why should anyone look after someone elses child if they don´t want to?Confused

Original poster
2littlegreenmonkeys · 07/08/2011 15:32

Sorry I didn't mean to drip feed Blush

catgirl I feel sorry for his DD too, I still buy her birthday and xmas gifts and make a fuss of her when we see her out in the street with her dad.

But she is horrid to my DD2 and I have to watch them constantly, I have to take DD2 with me when I go to the toilet etc when his DD is here. She bites, scratches, kicks, pulls hair, pushes Sad
I know some DC regardless of age can be like that but I don't want it directed at my DD's (esp not DD2 as she is tidgy) in their own home.

I feel terrible now Sad Seems to be half IABU and half IANBU.

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 07/08/2011 15:33

No - don't. I didn't realise how awful he was and what a time you are having. You have done the right thing.

Gissabreak · 07/08/2011 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
2littlegreenmonkeys · 07/08/2011 15:36

I wonder if I could offer to do a couple of hours for him in his own home (when DH is home from work) so he gets some time. It wouldn't be long enough for his football but at least he could have some time for himself. Although TBH I would love sometime for myself away from my DD's Blush

OP posts:
Mitmoo · 07/08/2011 15:36

I think when people see you have anxiety and OCD the YABU will change their minds like I have. When they hear that he is a pig of man that will just confirm it. From you OP it sounded like you got on, from the rest of them it just seems that people are scared of offending him.

I do feel sorry for his daughter though what an example.

Original poster
2littlegreenmonkeys · 07/08/2011 15:37

When my DH is home from work I mean.

OP posts:
Mitmoo · 07/08/2011 15:42

Little green Stuff him. Grin He doesn't deserve it. I sounds to be as if he'd say thanks vvery much and then just not come back.

mumblejumble · 07/08/2011 15:46

YANBU op, he is being cheeky to ask.

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