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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel guilty about co sleeping?

38 replies

Moulesfrites · 06/08/2011 17:30

My ds is 6.5 mo. Up until he was 5.5 mo he Slept in his Moses basket and then in a travel cot in our room. Since going into his own room he has settled great and his sleeping improved slightly although he has never slept through. However, for the past week or so he has been under the weather. I have had him to the docs twice, and he has also cut his first tooth. He has been waking up screaming several times a night, and for the first time this week I brought him into our bed as I was so in need of sleep. We have done this for the past 4 nights now! I have read up all the stuff about safe co sleeping etc.

It has been lovely. I have loved waking up next to him and feel refreshed after getting more sleep, but at the same time, I worry that I have done something that in the long term will cause problems and our bed will never be our own again! I know my parents and pils would be horrified if they knew, and it does seem a shame as the transition to his own room seemed to go so well at first. What should I do? I feel uneasy about it even though I know it means we all get more sleep, like I am just taking the easy option!

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 06/08/2011 17:33

You are being completely unreasonable. Why is taking the easy option a bad thing??

DS co-slept from birth, went into his own room perfectly happily at 2.5 (would probably have been earlier, but I was quite happy with him being there until he started to kick the covers off) and has been fine. I would absolutely do it again.

BertieBotts · 06/08/2011 17:36

He's 2.10 now BTW and apart from the occasional nightmare or tummyache, stays in his own bed all night, coming into bed early in the morning sometimes, but TBH this has been getting later and later. At the moment it's often 7am at which point he wants to get up for the day anyway.

LineRunner · 06/08/2011 17:36

You're doing fine. It it feels right, it's right.

You know all the warning about what not to do (drinking etc), right? So just get some sleep with your DS and be close when it's right to do that.

Trust me, they all move out of your bed eventually!

faverolles · 06/08/2011 17:49

You're doing fine. If you're happy and he's happy, don't worry about it.
With each of mine I've had many comments about rods and backs, but my older ones all sleep well in their own beds.
Cosleeping is lovely, and you get lovely smiles and cuddles in the morning :)

BertieBotts · 06/08/2011 17:53

OP, go and order the book "Three in a Bed" from amazon right now. It's one of my favourite books ever.

PaulaMummyKnowsBest · 06/08/2011 17:55

it is lovely to sometimes snuggle with your baby in your own baby. I did it from time to time will all 3 of my babies

AgentZigzag · 06/08/2011 17:56

I've always brought DD2 into bed and used to let the official advice on it make me feel a bit guilty in the early days, but the complete feeling of overwhelming pleasure it gave me and her left it as a caution rather than it stopping me.

At six months though there's plenty of time to get his sleeping how you want it to end up.

Just enjoy the sleep, cuddles and getting a poke in your eye to wake you up

CubiksRube · 06/08/2011 19:35

DS is 6 months old and until last month, we co-slept. It was a lovely experience, and DP and I both enjoyed it.

Unfortunately, DS has now become a migratory sleeper, and when he fell out of bed (through the bed guard, somehow!) we decided to transfer to the cot. Which he did with minimal fuss btw, as most ex co-sleeping babies I've heard about do. We'd certainly co-sleep with any other kids we have.

p.s. DS was fine after his little experiment with flight.

LisasCat · 06/08/2011 20:19

Sorry to say that IME you may have just undone some of your good work. DD had moved into her room and her own bed very well, until she had a few bad nights when 10mo. As I'd started working FT again, these few bad nights absolutely broke me, so I took her into bed with me, desperate for some sleep. This quickly became a pattern and one that she realised she quite liked. 4 years later and she still comes into our bed every night in the early hours of the morning. However, I don't consider it a tragedy, as it is lovely waking up next to her beautiful face every morning. It's just a bit of a squash since DD2 was born last month and sometimes lays next to me for night time feeds.

Tee2072 · 06/08/2011 20:22

Number one rule: do everything you can so that everyone gets the most sleep.

I co-slept with my son from about age 1 to just a few weeks ago at 25.5 months. He sleeps more less all night through, in his own bed now.

Forget rod for your own back and all the bullshit. Do what you need to do get sleep.

Original poster

Moulesfrites · 06/08/2011 20:28

Thanks everyone. Lisascat, that is what I am worried about but I am really hoping this is down to the teething and being off colour. His routine has been completely to pot this week and the sleep deprivation has been cumulative. I do not want to make a habit of it, but I will do it if it is what it takes to get some sleep!

OP posts:

MissyMoo321 · 06/08/2011 20:37

YANBU.
I didnt co-sleep with any of mine not because of other peoples opinions, or the so called 'dangers' but because my sister co slept and still has a 5 year old in her bed most nights, which put me off, but reading other posters experiences it seems that she was unlucky Obviously they sleep in my bed the odd night when they're ill or wake in the night and happily go back to their beds the following night.
Do whats best for you and your son, your obviously going to be happier having a better nights sleep happy mum = happy baby

Shutupanddrive · 06/08/2011 21:09

Stop being so hard on yourself. I didn't co-sleep at all with dc1, but with dc2 have occasionally bought him into my bed rather than keep getting up to see to him if he has a bad night for some reason. It doesn't affect how he goes back to sleeping on his own. As someone above said, do what feels right for you

Anomaly · 06/08/2011 21:18

I've co-slept with both of mine. DS1 stopped at about 14 months and DS2 at 9 months. Neither have been back in our bed since. I found it very easy to tell when they were ready to move out and the transition from our bed to their cot was easy took a few nights at most. Don't worry about it for now and enjoy the extra sleep.

mymumdom · 06/08/2011 21:21

I co slept with my 4 until they stopped breast feeding, from 7-12 months. At that point they went into their own beds and have stayed there. They NEVER come into our bed in the night. I miss them a little, so enjoy it while you can.

petisa · 06/08/2011 21:22

YANBU OP don't most people bring their baby into bed with them at some point?

But then I would say that, dd2 is nearly one and hasn't slept in a cot at all not even one night. And I love it and couldn't care less what anyone else thinks. Dd1 was in a bedside cot for the first 6 months and went into her own room in her own cot with no problems at all after that. I think I probably will co-sleep with dd2 until she goes into a bed at 2-ish, in with her sister probably. It's just so lovely, and we'll never get these years back. Can you tell I'm not planning on having any more? Don't worry OP, enjoy it I say.

lockets · 06/08/2011 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

freybean · 06/08/2011 22:05

another one here who co-sleep (even tho that was the one thing i was never going to do)

but it was the only way any of us get any sleep

Rubyx · 06/08/2011 22:09

my kids moved out of the bedroom when they were over two as i was expecting the next one. Same again for second DD.
I co slept with all three often enough and had the moses basket right next to the bed.. If we wanted privacy we would pop to the spare room lol.
They were fine when they moved on... and it is a lot more common in our asian culture so i am sure you will be fine.

Ragwort · 06/08/2011 22:11

Just don't tell anyone how you sleep - surely it is no one else's business at all?

We put our DS to bed in his own room from eight days old - he slept perfectly well - so did we - however everyone (on Mumsnet that is) seems to thing that is wrong so my advice is to do what suits your family - there is no 'right or wrong' but keep it to yourselves !!!

janelikesjam · 06/08/2011 22:33

Co-sleeping is lovely and they love it so much they find it hard to give up its true. I also found it hard to give up because of course I slept fantastically when he was a baby/toddler because I never had to get up in the night, etc! It was only when my son got to about age 6 that he became too big and therefore disturbed my sleep that he went to his own bed. But I was a single parent and did not have a partner to consider obviously.

At the end of the day you have to do what works and feels comfortable for you. It really is that simple. Don't worry what other people think either way.

SalmeMurrikAgain · 06/08/2011 23:01

Do what feels right and enjoy the snuggling up :) DS is now 3 and he still breastfeeds at night and spends about half the night in our bed - not for everyone, sure, but I am happy to let him go at his own pace, at least for a little while longer. I know my SIL and MIL disapprove of co-sleeping but they keep it quiet, and I am not bothered anyway.

LotteryWinnersOnAcid · 06/08/2011 23:04

YABU to feel guilty, but I did the same with my DS when he was about 4 months old, maybe slightly less, when he had a cold, and now at 6.5 months he flat refuses to sleep in his cot. We have even sidecarred it to our bed (one side off) and he still refuses. I don't sleep particularly well with him in the bed but tbh I was so paranoid about him sleeping in his cot alone (constantly checking breathing despite the Angelcare being on) I didn't sleep well without him anyway. I would recommend a king size though if you're going to make a habit of it! We only have a double as we had to put our king into storage to make room for the cot in our room - now considering getting rid of the cot entirely in favour of a bigger bed for the three of us!

bonkers20 · 06/08/2011 23:10

There are enough things in this world where you don't have a choice about taking an easy option. This is not one of them. Take it! Of course he'll move to his own room in time.

With both of mine I have settled them in their bed/cot at bedtime and then they've joined me on first waking (or second if I hadn't yet gone to bed myself) and that time got later and later until it was just morning snuggles.

DS1 is now 12 and has never had any bed time problems (monsters, dark, up and down the stairs "needing" a drink/toilet/another story, lost teddy etc). Could be luck but I like to think that he has just always felt very secure.

DS2 is 2 and I get woken up (on the days when I don't set the alarm to get up before him) by "Mama morning time" and my face being stroked. Now and again I get woken up by my nose being picked, but I'm sure I'll look back fondly at these incidents!

It's no one elses business apart from yours and your DH's and for that you just need to keep talking to each other because if having a child in your bed starts to come between you then you need to rethink.

Enjoy your snuggles.

bonkers20 · 06/08/2011 23:13

Oh I should say that with DS1 we never planned to co-sleep, we just took the route which enabled us to get most sleep. With DS2 I did it from day 1 and apart from when he's been unwell I have not had a single zombie Mum day through lack of sleep, infact the first few weeks I had tonnes of sleep!

There is far more to a marriage than sleeping in the same bed without a child. Lack of sleep was far more damaging to our relationship than anything else.

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