Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWUD - d&v

51 replies

farnywarny · 04/08/2011 09:09

I am in work following a night of d&v for me and dp.

I am on a warning about my time off already due to mum being diagnosed with cancer, granddad being diagnosed with cancer and sister being sectioned and all seemed to happen at once.

WWUD ? would you suck it up and try your best to stay in work, or would you go home regardless?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 04/08/2011 09:12

I'm sorry, I would do my best to stay in work. If you keep disappearing into the toilets then they'll know you're not well and may send you home. I would do everything I could not to get another warning.

I'm sorry to hear about your family. On a practical note, how much time did you take off for each, that they've given you a warning? Most companies have a set number of days (not many) for compassionate leave.

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 04/08/2011 09:13

Sickness should a different thing. Have you stopped d&v now? If so then I have attended work after a night if that. If not you be spreading it around work.

I ask can you work today, honestly?

Original poster
farnywarny · 04/08/2011 09:15

I dont feel up to being here, but havent been sick since about 4.30am

I took emergency days off for my family issues, as it was a case of 'your sister has been sectioned and she needs you now' (I am the only family member she will open up to) and 'mums been diagnosed with cancer' - didnt even tell us she had her appointment that day - so have had to leg it to be with her......its been unfortunate but couldn't really be helped.

OP posts:
LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 04/08/2011 10:01

So other types of leave are different to sickness absence. If you can't stay then you need to tell them you need to go home that you have tried but are unable to complete the rest of your shift.

There is an employment issues section which is reeall good and has some fab HR bods offering advice.

TheMonster · 04/08/2011 10:02

Yes the personal/family days off should be logged as something different to sickness. With d&v you shouldn't be in work for 48 hours after the last episode. I completely understand why you have gone in, though, and let's home your boss catches it from you!

pigletmania · 04/08/2011 10:06

Your employers are being very u, it's 48 hours since you last be sick. Bully for them when most people will be off due to d&v

ImperialBlether · 04/08/2011 10:09

If you have only had two days off, one with your sister and one with your mum, then I think they're being unreasonable.

If you had a week or two off for each, then I can see why they are annoyed.

Original poster
farnywarny · 04/08/2011 10:12

ImperialBlether it was a day here and ther on both occasions.

I have been here when I have been sick in the past and everyday got sent home, but still came back the next day - so they can hardly accuse me of taking the p1ss

OP posts:
moaningminniewhingesagain · 04/08/2011 10:13

Go home. You could give it to every one else. You should stay off till you have had no symptoms for 48 hrs. Colleagues may have someone poorly at home who could get very ill. nhs info here

bubblesincoffee · 04/08/2011 10:52

Your employers are being very unreasonable, but so are you.

I think if you had only taken one day off for each of the family members, then your boss is being very unsympathetic and that's unfortunate.

If you have had any more than one day off for each thing, then I'm not surprised you have been given a warning. You can't just expect unlimited time of for a family crisis, unless it's for your own, still dependant children. There are plenty of jobs where you can't just take time off like that, it simply wouldn't be an option.

YABU and very selfish to come into work with d&v. As had been said, clooegaues may have people at home that they could pass it on to who may really stuggle to get over bugs like this because of other conditions.

What makes you think it's ok for you to take that risk with other peoples heath because of your own circumstances?

You took the risk when you had time off before for your family, that was your choice, and you should be the one to face any consequences.

Sassybeast · 04/08/2011 10:58

You should NOT be in work. For goodness sake, go home now beofre you infect everyone else.

AgentZigzag · 04/08/2011 11:04

And what makes you think the OP can afford the time off or to lose her job bubbles.

If people don't want their loved ones at home to get bugs from random people, then they should stay at home themselves.

Unless they're prepared to pay for the OP (and anyone else they come across in their workplace who might happen to have germs) to go home that is.

You come across as unbelievably unsympathetic, what a horrible post.

AgentZigzag · 04/08/2011 11:05

This isn't school Sassy, adults have adult responsibilities and can't just go home and go to bed when they're ill, much as they'd like to.

Most people have to get on and have no choice.

Sassybeast · 04/08/2011 11:06

Agent Zigzag - that is quite possibly one of the most idiotic things I have ever read on MN. Seriously.

bananasplitz · 04/08/2011 11:07

If people don't want their loved ones at home to get bugs from random people, then they should stay at home themselves.

lol at this, so no one should ever go to work, just in case?

i dont think the OP is telling the whole truth about how much time she has had off, you dont get a warning for two odd days

AgentZigzag · 04/08/2011 11:07

Don't be naive.

Original poster
farnywarny · 04/08/2011 11:08

bubblesincoffee you come across as a complete arse. I think mum being diagnosed with cancer and sister being sectioned after attempting suicide AGAIN are understandable reasons to have taken time off.

I should point out that on these occasions I have used my precious holidays, but they have been taked at the last minute.

OP posts:
MorticiaAddams · 04/08/2011 11:10

You can't go into work if you have d&v as it would be very difficult to work and it's not fair on everyone else.

You seem very cagey about the exact amount of time you have taken off before so I presume you are being unreasonable about that. I have also had very close family members with cancer but have always taken time off with them as holiday even if it was last minute.

bubblesincoffee · 04/08/2011 11:17

Agent zig zag, people who have immunosupressed, or just weaker famil members at home, wouldn't need to shield themselves from others if those who knew they were harbouring illnesses stayed at home.

Surely it would be much better for everyone, including the person with the illness, if the sick person was at home?

I do have sympathy with the OP's situation, but I have more sympathy with my colleague who has to work to provide for her family, but has a son of 6 who has something wrong with his blood and cannot fight off ilnesses in the same way most of us can. He lives a normal life most of the time, although he gets very tired, but a common illness for most of us results in hospital admission for him. Or my friends husband who is diabetic and seems to suffer more and take longer to recover from minor ailments.

Why should people who have to live with these types of conditions every day of their lives have to stay inside indefinately because a few selfish people decide that they can't possibly miss two days wages, or because they decide that it's more important for them to take time off when they are completely heathy but they just want to be there for family and can't wait a few hours?

AgentZigzag · 04/08/2011 11:20

Selfish? To miss two days wages?

I'm not sure what health and safety lalaland you're living in, but here in reality most people don't have a choice to throw away two days wages or lose their job bubbles.

bubblesincoffee · 04/08/2011 11:25

But it's ok to force that onto others because you don't want to keep your d&v inside for a couple of days? Hmm

I think mum being diagnosed with cancer and sister being sectioned after attempting suicide AGAIN are understandable reasons to have taken time off.

Of course they are valid reasons.

But so is d&v.

One reason affects you and your family, and the other reason could well affect someone else and their family.

But you have a choice. Someone who is forced to work, or share a toilet with someone with d&v, when they don't even know it's around does not have a choice.

If you could only take time off work for either your family reasons or for illness because your boss is an unsympatheic twat, then it is selfish of you to put your needs above anyone elses.

Mrsxstitch · 04/08/2011 11:27

Some companies are very unsympathetic though. When my dad died I had a 5 days off and returned the day after the funeral. In my contract I was allowed 3 days for bereavement leave and 1 week of I was responsible for the arrangements. As I am an only child my line manager put it through as extended bereavement leave. His manager took disciplinary action against me as 'he was not close enough a relative' I apparently should have had 2hr off from a/l to go to funeral and come straight back.

Having said that you should go home OP, you are putting your colleagues at risk. At my current job we can actually be disciplined for coming in with D&V as it breaks infection control rules.

squeakytoy · 04/08/2011 11:29

OP is already massively behind with her rent, so wouldnt have thought she could afford to take any time off work...

bubblesincoffee · 04/08/2011 11:43

I have sympathy with that squeaky, I really do, but what if to other people in her workplace also have money problems?

What about those who aren't well off and can't afford time off work, but end up having to take a week or more off, double what a heathy person with d&v would need, because they have weaker immune systems?

Why is it ok to be able to afford time off because you have to go and help your family, but not ok to be able to afford time off because you have a contagious illness?

Both things are equally as important. It is wrong to decide that one reason is more valid than the other for taking time off.

Original poster
farnywarny · 04/08/2011 11:46

Well, they all know I am ill. No one has mentioned me going home. So I guess none of them are bothered if they catch it or not anyway!

OP posts: