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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to punch my 'D'P

48 replies

Scheherezadea · 31/07/2011 00:57

Am 29 weeks pg, first time pregnanc, so yes, I know I ABU. However he has invited his best friend to MY labour(!!!) and after I told him I wasn't comfortable with it, and would like some time alone after the birth to rest & bond with baby, he said (patronisingly, with a stupid smirk on his face) that surely I could have half an hour to rest.

Half an hour - before he gets about 20 people in to the hospital! What an absolute twat. I might tell him HE'S uninvited.

OP posts:

Original poster

Scheherezadea · 31/07/2011 00:58

Oh - and the 'half hour' suggestion was after I told him I wasn't comfortable with having his entire family in the waiting room whilst I gave birth!

OP posts:

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 31/07/2011 01:05

oh bless him, he wants everyone there! It's his first too, isn't it.

Oh dear, no, you need to be firm. Show him some birth films on youtube. Has he been to antenatal classes? He's got great ideas hasn't he!

DogsBestFriend · 31/07/2011 01:08

He wants to WHAT?

He SERIOUSLY wants his best friend there whilst you are giving birth?

What's he on FGS?!

GypsyMoth · 31/07/2011 01:09

As you go into labour remind him you have been constipated and that the baby isn't the only thing likely to be making an appearance!!

( disclaimer.... Don't want to put you off, it doesn't ALWAYS happen!! Might be enough to get his mate out of the picture tho!!)

AgentZigzag · 31/07/2011 01:10

Could you have read it as a patronising smirk when he was really just messing and trying to wind you up?

(Apart from the stress he's causing you saying what you've just posted) is he the type of person to put you under further enormous stress by inviting all and sundry to the hospital at such an important time for you both?

I would say telling everyone will be the last thing on his mind if you went into labour.

Tell him to stop pissing about.

somedayillbesaturdaynite · 31/07/2011 01:12

have you checked your maternity dept's visiting policy? most will only allow a couple of visitors per patient and have specified times too

SheCutOffTheirTails · 31/07/2011 01:24

You can tell him he's uninvited.

It's up to you who's there. He has no right to be unless you want him.

Muckyhighchair · 31/07/2011 01:36

I'd be hiding his phone as soon as I went into labour, try calling he's mates then!

LackaDAISYcal · 31/07/2011 01:51

I think he's been watching too many American Sitcoms, bless him
Aside from the fact that most hospitals have a policy of only 1 birth partner, they don't generally have a huge waiting room in the delivery suite. Also, most first labours are quite lengthy affairs, so I doubt his family & friends will relish hanging around for 12+ hours. And given that the majority of women go into labour or give birth overnight, I doubt they'd be interested in being dragged from their warm beds or that the hospital would let anyone in at that time.
I gave birth to my DS at lunchtime and got to the ward after visiting hours and had to beg them to let my mum in to see me. they let her in for 10 mins!

He'll get over himself soon I'm sure!

howabout · 31/07/2011 01:54

YANBU. If my DH were thinking along these lines I would be considering inviting all my friends round to witness his post birth vasectomy!!

Lazydaisy55 · 31/07/2011 02:08

What an idiot!!!!!!!!

TheFrogs · 31/07/2011 02:21

YABU.

Get two house bricks and do the job properly. [sweet smile]

piprabbit · 31/07/2011 02:25

Put it in your birth plan - Do NOT allow anybody except xxxxx near me during labour or immediately after birth.

ZonkedOut · 31/07/2011 02:42

YANBU. Your labour, you choose who you want there. Including immediately afterwards.

Make sure he agrees to not invite anyone until you agree afterwards. Beforehand, you just don't know how it will go. Friends and family can wait a bit, I'm sure they'll understand (especially if they have children of their own).

catgirl1976 · 31/07/2011 05:19

What a prize pillock. YANBU. Put your foot down on his head hard

StealthPolarBear · 31/07/2011 07:07

Invite all his friends and family to the hospital waiting room as soon as you have the first twinge. In fact send them a map and instructions in advance- tell them to get straight there and wait in the waiting room where your DP will be updating them,and make sure they pay for at least 24h of parking (first baby etc).
Make sure the instructions are to a hospital at least 50miles in the wrong direction

StealthPolarBear · 31/07/2011 07:08

I cannot imagine anyone wanting to do this - if I got invited to the hospital because a friend was having a baby (unless she actually wanted my support during the birth) I'd say no thanks but give me a call when you'e had him/her and I'll jump straight in the car, if that's what you want.

FlyMeToTheMooncup · 31/07/2011 07:10

He is clearly having some type of flashback to the fifties. I expect he'll be handing out cigars!

bonkers20 · 31/07/2011 07:20

I really doubt your DPs best friend would want to come....would he? If so, then they are both slightly strange!

As someone else said, put it in your birthing notes and make sure your carers read it and confirm with you.

Does he struggle with his masculinity and need to prove that he's able to make a child or something?!

Marshmallowflump · 31/07/2011 07:40

Feel for you what an idiotic suggestion, put your foot feet down, as in no-way!
Good luck when your time comes by the way.

tawrag · 31/07/2011 07:50

Say no and tell everybody, including his relations and pals, what an idiot he's being and that you're the one who decides. Be strong and good luck.

Blatherskite · 31/07/2011 07:59

When I had DD (in the middle of the Swine Flu panic) I wasn't allowed anyone on the ward at any time except my birthing partner. All friends and family had to wait until I'd been discharged and come home 48 hours later - it was bliss.

Even with DS, There were no visitors allowed on the Labour ward and I think the maximum amount of visitors allowed on the maternity ward was 3 at a time - and there was no waiting room so everyone would have ended up stood around in a corridor. The labour ward had a tiny waiting room with about 5 chairs but I was in labour for 36 hours and in recovery (after the c-section) for another 2 before I even got to the Maternity ward to be visited - and by then it was after visiting hours so anyone waiting for me would have been sorely disappointed.

He's living in a dream world. Maybe get your Midwife to have a word with him if he's not listening to you?

Whatmeworry · 31/07/2011 08:24

Its just taking NCT to its logical conclusion - in the olde rustic days the whole extend family and their goats and chickens would crowd into the peasant hut and drink illicit liquor and gossip etc. Bless :o

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 31/07/2011 08:35

Has anyone told him it's not like the movies or Friends? There isn't a waiting room for visitors to wait in (not usually anyway), no visitors are allowed on the delivery suite at all due to security issues as well as infections and the limited visiting times are there for a reason- so patients can rest. Also I've never known anyone to look like Rachel from Friends when they give birth or straight after (I've put more effort into having my nails done than Rachel did in "labour"), nor does anyone usually give birth naturally to triplets.

Also, why would your partner's mate want to be there at all? Does this person have anything better to do?

learningtofly · 31/07/2011 08:53

I would graciously accept his wishes ............. on the condition that when he has the snip you and your friends and family will be present to watch. Fairs fair and all that ;)

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