To want to punch my 'D'P

[Scheherezadea]

Am 29 weeks pg, first time pregnanc, so yes, I know I ABU. However he has invited his best friend to MY labour(!!!) and after I told him I wasn't comfortable with it, and would like some time alone after the birth to rest & bond with baby, he said (patronisingly, with a stupid smirk on his face) that surely I could have half an hour to rest.

Half an hour - before he gets about 20 people in to the hospital! What an absolute twat. I might tell him HE'S uninvited.

[hellitops]

I had DP and my mum with me because it was our pfb, next time it will just be DP and me. My DP was great with me during my labour (31 hours). I did not want anyone around during the contractions while still at home as I really struggled with them, once I got to hospital and got pethidine and gas and air I dozed in and out and anyone could have come in the room and I wouldn't have cared. I'd have been screaming at them to get out during the delivery though lol, almost didn't want the mw's there but obviously needed them.

My mum had ds while dp held my hand as they stitched me up and did the after care (he jokes that took longer than the pushing) and then we had our time staring at him. Dp held ds while I showered and then a friend who works in the hospital nipped over for 10mins but only because I agreed. I had a few visitors on the ward some hours later, which was nice as I was ready to show him off for a little and share the wonder.

I would recommend that it is just the three of you at home for the first few days. My mum stayed with us for two days and I was ready to climb up the walls.

[babybythesea]

Info on what happens? Don't ask me, I was away with the fairies for most of it. Gas and air is wonderful!!!
I was induced, and I started with cramps, like a severe period pain. They just got progressively worse and worse - at one stage I vomited. Then I got given gas and air and basically refused to let it go so spent most of the labour (about 12 hours - very fast for a first labour) lying curled up on a bed, sucking on the gas and air when I had a contraction and sleeping in between them. My DH watched a James Bond movie! I had wanted to move around and have a water birth. Once it started, I didn't want to move even a toenail (which is pretty normal when I am in any kind of pain - I prefer to retreat inside my head somewhere and don't like disturbance from outside). The last two hours went a bit pear shaped as dd got stuck - cord wrapped round her neck and arm over her head - so it wasn't pretty and I really would not have wanted an audience.

[Scheherezadea]

It's fine, I've made it quite clear I want noone else in the hospital, and he's going to have to tell his family and friend NO, which he's agreed to.

Trouble is it's our first, so both of us are a bit clueless how labour works - have watched OBE
but they only show the actual deed, no info as to what happens before they're pushing, or once the baby is out!

[Tortu]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Has he been to any antenatal classes? Bless him.

My hospital (a dedicated maternity hospital) didn't even have a waiting room. No visitors, other than the birthing partner, were allowed in at all. Both sets of grandparents came anyway and my husband had to show them the baby through the door.

[ChaoticAngelofGryffindor]

Tell the immature idiot that if he doesn't drop the attitude he'll be lucky to be allowed in.

[TidyDancer]

I don't think this friend has boundary issues, I think she's probably just excited about her best friend having a baby! It's lovely. She's not in the wrong here, it's your way over excited DP! :)

I had DP and BIL with me. But then BIL is my best friend and he doesn't panic. DP does. There was no way I was giving birth without some sanity in the room.

[AuntiePickleBottom]

yanbu, my DH wanted his mum in the labour room......like that was going to happen lol.

[sungirltan]

sounds like your dp's friend is either a bit naive about labour and birth OR they have boundary issues. also sounds like your dp might have been put on the spot a bit too.

if it was me i'd ask her out for a coffee alone and just tell her nicely that you need that part to be a couple only thing but that once you are home with the baby you wont leave her out etc etc (unless you want to)

[PamBeesly]

Why would the friend want to be there too... weird. Now since she is also your friend, tell her woman to woman thats he will be most welcome to visit the baby as soon as you feel up to it. This is not your 'D' P's friends get together this is your labour, you're in control, he can sulk all he wants, he is very immature I think

[Sassybeast]

Point him in the direction of this thread......
'D'P - you are an idiot to even assume this was a possibility. One more step out of line and we'll have her convinced to ban 'YOU' from the delivery suite/hospital/10 mile vicinity

[Scheherezadea]

Thanks everyone - you make me feel a lot better! His best friend is a girl, and is also my friend, but his 'oldest' friend. She asked him! last night on the phone she said she wanted to be there for the birth, and he said of course, and that she could come to the hospital!

But I had a strop at him, and told him I only wanted me and him in the hospital, and maybe even for a few days after at home, no visitors, just time to rest and bond. He says 'fine' huffily, but conceeded it is all up to me and is MY decision. Am also going to write a quick note and slot it in my maternity notes for when I write up my birth plan.

[Thumbwitch]

Is he taking the piss or what? Or has he just watched Knocked Up and thinks it's normal for extraneous male buddies to just drop in when the head is crowning?

Either way, it won't happen. The MWs will not allow it.

If your DP is serious then he has got some real problems that need to be addressed fairly soon - this is not the sort of episode in his life that needs his bezzie mates there cheering him on, it's a bonding experience for the two of you with the child you have created together. Unless his best mate was there for the conception, no way should he be anywhere near the place for the birth.

[discobeaver]

I thought the same as jeckadeck, that you'd have to be off your rocker to want to watch someone else's labour.
And then I remembered that I watched almost two whole episodes of "One Born Every Minute"

[MamaLazarou]

Surely he is joking?

[jeckadeck]

I'd put money on the best friend not lasting more than five minutes in the delivery room if he even gets that far. Can't imagine what sort of freak would want to witness someone else's labour... You could try putting it in your birth plan that you don't want anyone other than the father in there but in my experience they don't bother reading the bloody things. If your DP and his mate still don't get the hint though just tell all the doctors and midwives on no account should they let him in.

[Ambergambler]

Just put in the birth plan that you do not wish to accept any visitors without your explicit consent.
You could even write a (mock) birth plan to show him. Warn him that if he gets any more stupid ideas that he won't be there either.

[TheMagnificentBathykolpian]

Are you saying that he wants his best friend in the room that you will be giving birth in? Watching the baby come out?

Or that he wants his best friend to be waiting at the hospital while you are having the baby?

If you are saying that he wants him in the room, watching you give birth, then he's nuts and you're nuts to not tell him to fuck right off.

If you are saying that he wants his best friend hanging around at the hospital along with his entire family, to be assembled in the waiting room or hospital cafe when he comes out and announces the birth...

Then he's probably been watching too many TV shows! and you need to tell him that you don't want that. And you should tell him that you will inform the midwife that you do not, under any circumstances, want people to come and see you right after the birth. That way, they will not be allowed in, even if they are waiting.

[blackeyedsusan]

it sounds like he is applying for the position of ex p. he is seriously deluded.

[spookshowangel]

have to say at my maternity unit my mum came up while i was in labour they came in and asked me if i wanted to see her, i have had friends come in and see the baby right after birth and could have more than one birthing partner if i wanted, key word being if i wanted. i also went up and visited a friend right after she had had hers in then delivery suite. so i dont think it is the case that family and friends are not allowed providing thats what the mum wants.

[ledkr]

i agree best mate prob not allowed in its your birth partner and then own children,everyone else has to wait for visiting. Get your mw to tell him.
Having said that firts baby or not he is showing a blatent disregard for your feelings, a trait he needs to lose post haste if he is going to co parent with you.

[babybythesea]

Even if everything goes swimmingly well and you pop the baby out without breaking into even the teeniest of sweats, that time is yours to share with your new arrival. Don't let anyone take it away from you.

We spent a good two hours just staring in wonder at our brand new baby. They did an initial (quite perfunctory) clean up and then left us to it. It was only after that that they came back to take me for a bath and a change so anyone seeing me immediately after would have seen pretty much all the bloody aftermath (if they'd arrived within the first 20 mimutes they would ahve been able to observe the stiching process - nice!). And I would have resented anyone stealing those first couple of hours away from me. I didn't have a baby to provide entertainment for everyone else and while it's lovely if people want to see her and be involved with her, those first few minutes of holding the tiniest and most perfect baby you've ever seen and saying to yourself 'Oh my God, this baby really is mine, and finally here, and I really am a Mummy' are for you and your partner alone.

[tiredemma]

How old is he??

[Bathsheba]

There isn't a maternity unit in the land that would let that happen.

If you are really concerned that these people will come, then speak to your midwife at your next appointment and she will put it in your notes. The hospital midwives certainly would have no intention of letting anything like this happen, and they can be very very firm.

[learningtofly]

I would graciously accept his wishes ............. on the condition that when he has the snip you and your friends and family will be present to watch. Fairs fair and all that ;)

[DesperatelySeekingSedatives]

Has anyone told him it's not like the movies or Friends? There isn't a waiting room for visitors to wait in (not usually anyway), no visitors are allowed on the delivery suite at all due to security issues as well as infections and the limited visiting times are there for a reason- so patients can rest. Also I've never known anyone to look like Rachel from Friends when they give birth or straight after (I've put more effort into having my nails done than Rachel did in "labour"), nor does anyone usually give birth naturally to triplets.

Also, why would your partner's mate want to be there at all? Does this person have anything better to do?