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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be p*ssed off with my sister?

32 replies

MEBMotherof3 · 29/07/2011 20:21

My sister is getting married next summer and has asked me to be her bridesmaid and my two boys to be her page boys- great! But then she 'suggested' that I would want to lose weight before the wedding ("everyone loses weight for a wedding") and today announced that she'd be looking for a contribution towards the cost of my dress and the two children's suit hire. I'm a size 12 and have been for the last 5 years despite having 3 children in this time and tbh with 3 children under five and PND a) my life is stressful enough without thinking about dieting! and b) money is tight!

AIBU? I don't want to upset my sister but really don't know what to say to her!

OP posts:
IRCL · 29/07/2011 20:23

YANBU.

I am quite shocked! Shock

What an incredibly harsh insensitive thing to say? Your only a size 12!

IRCL · 29/07/2011 20:24

Just to add to my last post it wouldn?t be acceptable to tell anyone what she told you, no matter what their size.

mummyosaurus · 29/07/2011 20:26

She is being VVU by telling you to lose weight. How rude. I think I'd tell her to stuff it.

On the dress and suit hire, I think it's pretty usual for the bridemaids to buy their own. I did pay for my wedding party's suit hire and dresses, every time we have been in a wedding party I have paid for my own.

Can you afford to pay towards the dress / suit hire?

thefirstmrsrochester · 29/07/2011 20:26

your sister is very rude.
as money is tight, tell her you cant afford the contribution - if she is desperate for your ds to be pageboys then she should foot the bill.
and there is absolutely nothing wrong with your weight - bit of a bridezilla is she?

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor · 29/07/2011 20:27

YANBU Telling you to lose weight is rude, even more so when you're only a size 12. If she wants your DS's to be pageboys/you to be bridesmaid then she should pay for the outfits herself. The only possible exception to this is if you get to choose the outfits.

thefirstmrsrochester · 29/07/2011 20:28

'everyone loses weight for a wedding' - absolute crock.
if she cant take you the (very reasonable) way you are, then tell her to get lost.

summerfruitsalad · 29/07/2011 20:29

Dear god, you have a Bridezilla on your hands, what a madam!

Size 12 is a nice size to be. Tell her you are not planning on dieting to fit into a dress and would rather buy a dress that fits you now and will almost certainly fit you come the wedding day, that way she won't need to worry about you. If you swing it round to thinking about her not worrying then you may appease her a bit.

If money is tight, do your boys have some smart outfits they can wear to save hiring them out? I think some places charge a fortune for kids to wear outfits they will most likely hate anyway!

Just out of interest, what size is your sister? Is she projecting on to you?

alowVera · 29/07/2011 20:30

If I was a size 12 I wouldn't consider dieting. I'd love to be a size 12 after 3 children. I think your sister is rude and is being unreasonable.

MadamDeathstare · 29/07/2011 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

audreyroberts · 29/07/2011 20:30

It is all unreasonable - I would offer to buy the shoes and underwear for yourself and boys - but everything else is up to her. The dieting is just silly - just ignore it - maybe she is just stressed and not thinking.

nolembit · 29/07/2011 20:45

Tell her that you have seen a nice lacy, meringue number in turquoise (or whatever her least favourite colour is)at the local charity shop. It is a bit dated but it's within budget.

YANBU

TidyDancer · 29/07/2011 20:47

Your sister is being a tit. Don't lose weight, a size 12 is lovely. :)

peeriebear · 29/07/2011 20:49

I really don't understand why bridesmaids would have to pay for their dresses, I'd never ask somebody to be a bridesmaid then say "Oh by the way, you have to foot the bill for the honour". And losing weight too? Tell her ever so politely to jog on!

budgieshell · 29/07/2011 20:51

Nasty! Only family would talk to you like that. Tell her she can buy the boys outfits and you will buy your own and you can then choose what size it is.

GertieWooster · 29/07/2011 20:54

If this is what she's like with a year to go, just imagine the updates from the op we can enjoy what she'll be like when the stress is really piling up.

TidyDancer · 29/07/2011 20:56

Yes, OP. It is now a legal requirement that you are to come back and tell other tales of Bridezilla. Mumsnet needs you!

catpark · 29/07/2011 21:03

This happened to a friend of mine. She was asked to be bridesmaid for her friend. At the time of asking she was pregnant but the bride went ahead and bought a dress that didn't fit her and told her it would be fine as the wedding was 11mths after my friend was due to give birth and she had plenty of time to lose the weight !

After she had the baby she couldn't fit in the dress (It was from a shop that the sizing always comes up smaller which the bride knew as her other bridesmaid was a size 6 and was disgusted that she had to take a size 8 instead !) ) She was told by the bride and the mother that she had until a certain date to fit in the dress. If she didn't then she would still be allowed to come to the wedding but not as a bridesmaid !

They wouldn't allow her to take the dress home and they made her go round every few weeks to try the dress on in front of them. She did eventually lose enough weight to fit in the dress so she was allowed to be the bridesmaid.
I did tell her that she should tell this 'friend ' were to go especially having to humiliate herself in front of people when trying the dress on. But she felt she couldn't as this 'friend ' was her childs godmother.

redexpat · 29/07/2011 23:10

I didn't lose weight for my wedding, or the wedding when I was bridesmaid, so she's talking bollocks. It's really not on to ask someone to be involved without mentioning associated costs from the word go. But got no idea how you should tell her.

LineRunner · 29/07/2011 23:21

Wedding's have just become bloody mental.

People want all the crappy fucking frills? Let them pay for it.

People want certain body sizes? Tell them to stick their diet advice up their arse.

And what budgieshell says.

thefirstmrsrochester · 29/07/2011 23:26

one of my bridesmaids confessed to my sis a week before my wedding that the made to measure frock (paid for my me) didnt fit. we just got the dress let out at the seams - twas fine .
She always was a big girl and I would never have dreamed of asking her to lose weight for the 'wedding'.
V mean spirited I think.

DontAskMeSums · 29/07/2011 23:30

YANBU about the weight. Tell her straight that you're happy with the size you are and if she wants a smaller clothes horse, she'll have to pick someone else.
Re buying the clothes - ask her if she would prefer you to EITHER contribute to the outfits OR to buy her a wedding present as funds won't stretch to both.

AgentZigzag · 29/07/2011 23:31

Whatever weight you are, your sister's a cheeky fucking mare to be sure!

How did you react?

Thinking she'e entitled to spend your money without even asking you about it is about the same.

Sounds like she might need upsetting to bring her down to earth.

BeerTricksPotter · 29/07/2011 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TIDDLYMUM · 29/07/2011 23:46

Tell her to stick it up her a*. I would love to be a size 12 ( 14 and trying, well not really). I have two sisters, neither of which would expect this in a million years x

TIDDLYMUM · 29/07/2011 23:48

The whole wedding thing to me have got out of control. In recent years I have heard of colleagues going 20/30k into debt for weddings when they don't even own their own homes yet. Madness, whats wrong with a bash in a church hall or social club??