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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate my husband

42 replies

electa · 23/07/2011 10:57

We are having some building work on the house and so me DH and DS are staying at my brothers flat. 'D'H went out last night with some of his work colleagues and came home very drunk. He then decided that we would urinate on the floor by the bed before he went to sleep. I was half a sleep and didn't really notice what he was doing and only realised this morning. I've cleaned it up but I can't believe that he's done this. My brother fortunately is unaware but still he's letting us stay for free and this what he does.

OP posts:
likale · 23/07/2011 11:07

YANBU I would be questioning the future of the relationship if I were you. To do that to someone elses house is unforgivable IMO.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 23/07/2011 11:11

YANBU. But I wouldn't have cleaned it up, I'd have got the dirty bastard out of bed to do it himself. Vile.

worraliberty · 23/07/2011 11:15

I don't imagine he 'decided' to do it. Was he so drunk he didn't know what he was doing?

Why on earth did you clean it up for him? Confused

Original poster
electa · 23/07/2011 11:16

I cleaned it up because its my brothers house and so I thought it best to clean it up as soon as possible, had it been our house then there is no way I'd have cleaned it up.

OP posts:
MumblingRagDoll · 23/07/2011 11:17

It's not unheard of for men to do this when drunk It's not nice but I don''t think it's deliberate. Some men get onfused as to where they are....my own DH has never done it but he did climb in through our bedroom window once....drunk...I was fast asleep and he had key but had covinced hself the door was locked! I had a shock.

DogsBestFriend · 23/07/2011 11:17

I beg your... YOU cleaned it up for the dirty bugger? WHY? Why the fuck are YOU getting on your hands and knees to clean up after a fully functioning, disrespectful, dirty adult? What are you, his servant?

Have a look on here for threads where women are complaining of their DHs owning dogs the wives don't want... these women wouldn't clear up after a defenceless animal and yet you're cleaning up piss left by a drunk man. Something's very wrong here!

This is going to sound harsh but I don't man to cause you hurt, I'm fuming for you (and "D" H would be sleeping elsewhere if he were mine, I would never put up with this behaviour). Is he behaving with this level of disrespect because he's being allowed to? As far as I see it, the woman who cleans up his piss instead of wiping his face/favourite and most expensive possession in it is making herself a doormat and leaving herself vulnerable to being treated as if she doesn't matter.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 23/07/2011 11:19

Being pissed is not an excuse. Perhaps he shouldn't get so drunk that he mistakes the middle of the room for the loo.

sleepindogz · 23/07/2011 11:24

lol at giving up at a marriage and breaking up a family over a drunken pee

blimey some people would give up at the drop of a hat

did he mean to do it NO
did he realise what he was doing NO
did he do it to be maiicious NO
was it an error of judgement caused by too much alcohol YES

has he done it before WE DONT KNOW
will he do it again WE DONT KNOW
it he a bastard usually WE DONT KNOW

LOL

piloi · 23/07/2011 11:24

YANBU its disgusting. I do think some poster are being a bit harsh on the OP, if my DH made a mess in someone elses house then I would feel obliged to clean it up as I would feel partly responsible.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 23/07/2011 11:26

I don't feel responsible for my DH's actions. My children's maybe, but not my DH's.

bned · 23/07/2011 11:29

YANBU but I agree with piloi. If someone particulary a family member had let us stay in their house temporarily and my husband did something like this I don't think I would sit there and say his problem, his mess and just leave it.

DogsBestFriend · 23/07/2011 11:33

I'm not responsible for anyone's actions bar my own and those of my dogs. Not even my children, who are teenagers - if they behaved disrespectfully and disgustingly like that (though god help them!) I'd hold them wholly responsible.

For me, being drunk in my house is a deal-breaker. It will only ever happen once and then the person concerned will be finding somewhere else to live, I neither like nor trust drunks, so I appreciate that this colours my view.

However even taking this into account I still feel that you are being disrespected, electa, and that you cleaned up after the dirty bugger, regardless of where you where, says something worrying about the relationship.

thisfantasticvoyage · 23/07/2011 11:34

If he was pissed and he didnt know what he was doing, well that's just one of those things. The OP was right to clean it up. It was her brother's pad.

DogsBestFriend · 23/07/2011 11:34

Actually... correction... the drunk would have to find somewhere to stay that night because he/she wouldn't be coming into my house.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 23/07/2011 11:39

But it wasn't her piss.

Do women routinely piss all over the place when drunk? Or is it a male phenomenon?

NearlyHeadlessnickelbabe · 23/07/2011 11:39

it is digusting, and I don't blame you for hating him right now, but you really shoulnd't have cleaned it up for him.

what you should have done as soon as you found it was forced his face into it and told him to clean it up.
oh, and I would have told Brother too. straight away.

moikla · 23/07/2011 11:40

YANBU that is shocking but I think I would also have cleaned it up rather than leave my husbands piss on the floor of my brothers house. I would worry about a man who gets himself so drunk he eithers wets himself or simply pisses on the floor.

moikla · 23/07/2011 11:41

I also wouldn't keep it a secret from your brother, your husband has disrespected his house and he should be told in my opinion, to not do would be deceitful.

leares · 23/07/2011 11:48

You cleaned it up Shock. What are you his slave, he pisses on the floor and you then wipe it up, that does not sound like a healthy relationship. I'm also amazed that it appears you are not going to tell your brother that someone has pissed on his floor which is also very wrong.

thisfantasticvoyage · 23/07/2011 11:50

Who gains by telling the brother leares? Seriously.

GiddyPickle · 23/07/2011 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCrackFox · 23/07/2011 11:52

As someone who worked in hotels for years I can confirm that pissing all over the place (when drunk) is purely a make phenomenon.

It would be a cold day in hell before I cleaned up DH's piss.

leares · 23/07/2011 11:56

thisfantasticvoyage- The brother gains he has a right to know what is going in his own home.

lostinindia · 23/07/2011 11:58

I remember my DH doing this years ago and feeling really repulsed. But I think YABU. He was pissed and disorientated. It's not like he did it on purpose. I wouldn't have cleaned it up tho.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 23/07/2011 12:00

Was it a carpet OP? Because of it was I really think you should tell your brother. Unless you got out the disinfectant etc in the middle of the night. And even then there might be a piss stain .