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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to hate my husband

42 replies

electa · 23/07/2011 10:57

We are having some building work on the house and so me DH and DS are staying at my brothers flat. 'D'H went out last night with some of his work colleagues and came home very drunk. He then decided that we would urinate on the floor by the bed before he went to sleep. I was half a sleep and didn't really notice what he was doing and only realised this morning. I've cleaned it up but I can't believe that he's done this. My brother fortunately is unaware but still he's letting us stay for free and this what he does.

OP posts:
TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 23/07/2011 12:07

Yes, it's bloody disgusting. But to hate him for it suggests that there is more to this than being a drunken dirty bugger. He pisses on a floor and you hate him? Hate? Sure, hate what he's done, be totally fecked off about it, but hate him?

I don't know what it is about some men that means that they piss all over the place when drunk. Perhaps it is just an extension of their normal habits? How many men piss in places other than the loo when sober? It's easy for them. Up against a wall, in a bush... They - many not all - don't have the same level of peeing inhibition that women do, I think. Perhaps that's the reason they do it, whereas a woman really wouldn't? Same way inhibitions are lowered when drunk so we may say or do things we wouldn't when sober, but nothing that it is not within us to do, because alcohol just lowers inhibitions, it doesn't change who we are. iyswim. So if you nip behind a bush, or pee up against a wall, or relieve yourself in a handy location normally, you don't have a total mental block to peeing somewhere other than the loo. You introduce a large amount of alcohol to that and bob's your uncle.

That may very well all be a big loads of bollocks, I don't know Grin I'm just struggling to find a reason why someone does something so bloody dirty.

unomania · 23/07/2011 12:30

YABU what he did was terrible no doubt but to hate him over one incident does seem very extreme to me.

valiumredhead · 23/07/2011 12:37

It IS disgusting but why on earth be a martyr and clean it up for him? Confused

lovesicecream · 23/07/2011 12:48

My ex used to do this, did it up one of my mums bedroom Walls once, did it in the bed, on my lap top, on a mate who was staying in the spare room, on the mat by the door, see how he is an ex! Why men feel the need to get so rat arsed they can't even control their bodily functions I don't know!

lovesicecream · 23/07/2011 12:50

Oh and after we split up he did it on one of my friends sofas completely ruining it!

CurrySpice · 23/07/2011 12:50

There seems to be a rash of this about at ht emoment Shock

It's disgusting op and YANBU :(

TattyDevine · 23/07/2011 12:56

If my husband did that, and I can't imagine at this stage of his life (hurtling towards his 40's) with 2 kids he now would, though he may well have in the past? - in someone else's house - I would have cleaned it up if he wasn't in a state to do so.

If I'd done the same - which I wouldn't, I think its because men wee standing up that they get confused in this manner - particularly in a strange house - not an excuse as such, just understanding the difference - but say I vomited with drunkness in his sisters house, for instance, he would clean that up for me. It is an act of begrudging kindness on behalf of the less drunken party not so much for the benefit of the drunkard but that of the person who owns the house/carpet etc and for you, the person who does actually have to sleep in that room with the smell of the urine/vomit/whatever the person has done.

It doesn't so much say anything about your relationship but what kind of person you are.

And the drunken person can make that up to you, starting with profuse apologies, a vow to monitor his drinking in future, a bunch of flowers, a gift, a card, a poem, whatever it is that suits them and your relationship that is affordable but "big" enough to convey genuine apology and acknowledge how important that this doesn't happen again.

OP, YANBU that your DH is majorly in the doghouse!

TattyDevine · 23/07/2011 13:01

Just to add, I know a lovely couple who we are very good friends with. There was a New Year's eve dinner party last year which we didn't make it to but would have if we weren't doing something else. It was held in our mutual friend's house who had just had a new extension put on her house at great expense complete with new carpet etc.

The female of this lovely couple, a wonderful person, who is MD of a very succesful marketing company, articulate, well educated and kind, got very drunk. In fact, everyone was really drunk, they cracked open various lovely bottles of Cognac etc after the meal and everyone drank too much.

This friend however sometime in the middle of the night once they'd gone upstairs to bed, vomited down the side of the bed on the (brand new) wall and new carpet.

Her husband then did the "right thing" as he was compus mentus (she wasn't, she had passed out again!) and got as much vomit up as possible and wiped the wall before it ruined the paint (which it did anyway on new plasterboard, they had to touch up, no big deal) and yes, he was bloody pissed off with her in a way but also he realised that these things sort of just happen sometimes.

She was full of remorse, they tried to pay some money to the couple with the extension, they wouldn't accept, and since then she has been that fair bit more careful with her drinking. She's not usually a drunk - it was a combination of circumstances and drinks she wouldn't normally drink etc - she lacked sensibility that night, but she's usually a perfectly good upstanding member of society.

latitude · 23/07/2011 13:18

YANBU that is absolutely repulsive, you are staying at your brothers house for free and that is how he behaves.

Emzar · 23/07/2011 13:43

I had a partner who used to do this occasionally. Once in a wardrobe and once in my suitcase. It only ever happened when we were away from home - combination of being drunk and not knowing the room I think.

After the initial "ewwww!" I used to think it was hilarious, and told the story many times to people, much to his embarrassment. He didn't mean to, and never remembered doing it in the morning. It was almost like sleep-walking. He did that too - he once got out of bed naked and went into our host's bedroom and stood there switching the light on and off, refusing to leave. Bless.

He was always sorry and apologised profusely. That's the important thing.

skybluepearl · 23/07/2011 13:48

don't care that it's your brothers house - DH should have cleaned it up.

DoMeDon · 23/07/2011 14:22

YABU. He was drunk and got disorientated. He should apologise and show remorse. You should let it go (unless there are bigger issues which there may well be, as you HATE him over a mistake!)

FWIW I would have cleaned it up to for the same reasons Tatty gave.

Melly20MummyToPoppy · 23/07/2011 14:35

The midwife who delivered my baby was telling us that her XH went out to wet their babys head the same day they brought her home. When he came back he was so out of it he very nearly pissed on his 2 day old daughter! The midwife only just managed to stop him. Brings a whole new meaning to wetting the babys head.

DoMeDon · 23/07/2011 14:40

I am more tolerant than the average bear but i'd have had a shit fit about that melly

ikoto · 23/07/2011 15:50

YANBU that is truly vile but I think you're a mug to clean it up.

tokle · 23/07/2011 21:32

YANBU that is gross and so disrespectful to you and your brother.

nolidio · 23/07/2011 23:36

Why did you clean it up? I'd be seriously questioning my relationship if this is how he behaves when staying in a family members house.

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