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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think about smacking DD

53 replies

PinkSchmoo · 21/07/2011 21:32

DD is 2.4. I hurt my foot today (pretty sure I have a broken toe) and it's bloody aching. DH came home tonight, said hello to her and was then talking to me. He asked about my foot, DD started trying to kick it. I told her not to, explained it was sore, lifted my foot to show it to her. She then lifted her foot to try to kick it again.

She is playing me up a lot at the mo. DS is 11weeks and I know she is finding it hard and I am making allowances. We are also potty training. She does understand what being hurt is and that she was going to hurt me. Aibu for thinking about smacking her if she does it again. I have never smacked her before and don't aim to start a bun fight. Genuine question. If not please wwyd in this scenario?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 21/07/2011 21:34

If she understands what being hurt is, what is the point of smacking? You're just teaching her it's okay to hurt someone if they have hurt you first.

Put her in her room or remove a toy or something instead.

LynetteScavo · 21/07/2011 21:35

YABU.

You want to teach her not to hurt people, so you are thinking about hurting her? Seriously? Hmm

You are tired, have a lot on your plate, and have a painful injury. Go easy on all of you.

cunexttuesonline · 21/07/2011 21:35

Smacking is not the answer, it is teaching her a strange message - she is being punished for hurting you, by being hurt by you. She needs to learn that hitting/kicking/hurting people is not on, full stop. that includes you to her IMO. I have a DS who is 2.5 so basically same age and on the few occassions that he has hit me, he goes straight into time out. And then he must apologise after.

Iwantscallops · 21/07/2011 21:36

You want to hurt her but not for her to hurt you? I think that would be going about it the wrong way. Children learn by example.

Put her on the naughty step. Explain why she is there and repeat however many times you need to.

cunexttuesonline · 21/07/2011 21:36

woops x posted.

TattyDevine · 21/07/2011 21:36

I don't think smacking her in the scenario you describe will work.

Actually, not a lot "works" as such in that this might be a bit of a phase (what with new baby etc) that she has to pass through.

I would suggest a "time out" ish style approach, not necessarily her having time out, but you disengaging and removing yourself from the situation when she is like this. "I'm going upstairs, I don't want to play with you when you are not being nice" etc etc.

I'd be trying to work on your relationship with her as much as possible as with a new baby in the house that is what she is the most worried about no doubt.

Hard with 2 at first, don't worry, it will get better.

LeoTheLateBloomer · 21/07/2011 21:36

I agree with Bertie. You don't want her to hurt you so you're thinking of hurting her instead Confused

Ignore her or send her to another room if she does hurt you.

GwendolenHarleth · 21/07/2011 21:36

I suppose if you are trying to teach her that it is wrong to hurt someone, then hurting her isn't a good way to teach this. Can understand why you were cross though. We put my dd in a travel cot (in the same room) for one minute when she kept smacking us and it did work.

AuntiePickleBottom · 21/07/2011 21:37

the age of 2 is such a trying age....they don't call it the terrible 2's for nothing lol.

the next time she goes to hurt you, get her hand and gently stroke you bad foot and say aaawwwww thats nice.

squeakytoy · 21/07/2011 21:37

Personally yes, I would smack her on the bottom or on her legs if she knows she isnt meant to do it and is persisting.

I dont hold with the "you are teaching her to treat violence with violence", you are teaching her that you are the parent, the adult, and you have to be obeyed. One smack should be enough for her to think twice before doing it again, and there will be no need for a second smack.

It worked for my mother. I got smacked, less than a handful of times in my life.. but the warning of "do that again and you will have a slapped backside" was enough to stop me in my tracks.

Original poster
PinkSchmoo · 21/07/2011 21:39

Thank you for quick responses. Just at end of tether this week. You are right. It was an impulse which I will not follow through with.

OP posts:
cottonreels · 21/07/2011 21:39

There will be a bunfight...
Im sure you know your dd wants attention. She knows she'll get it by trying to hurt you. She's still young and working things out. Be consistent. Tell her that hurting mummy makes mummy sad and walk away or turn your back on her for a couple of minutes. On the flip side, go completly over the top with positive attention when she's doing something well. Watch her carefully if you think she's playing up all the time. I guarantee within 10 mins you will see her sitting nicely, eating nicely, passing you something you asked for or being gentle with baby etc etc. Then go for it "oh look at dd, what a clever girl, look how she's sitting/eating" big smiles, kisses etc

Original poster
PinkSchmoo · 21/07/2011 21:41

Really like playpen idea. Might get it out of roofspace. If I can get up the bloody ladder.

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 21/07/2011 21:51

I couldn't get through the fucking loft hatch space when I had an 11 week old Grin

Original poster
PinkSchmoo · 21/07/2011 21:52

She does get lots of praise for good behaviour and as we are potty training I am letting most things slide for a few weeks and follow a single issue parenting approach. Exception is hurting DS. I give her as much one on one as I can.

Think I am going to ask for thread to be deleted as, whilst I'm very grateful for the honest answers I've got I am not capable of dealing with a bun fight.

Thanks again

OP posts:
worraliberty · 21/07/2011 21:59

I'm pro smacking for the record but I don't think it would work in this case...if you've never smacked her before.

Sometimes kids react oddly to things they don't like.

She doesn't like the fact your foot hurts and is causing you pain, so she tries to kick it to show her dislike maybe?

I know when on of my sons was a similar age, he slapped my head hard after I told him I had a headache.

He told me it was to 'slap away the naughty pain' Hmm Grin

smartyparts · 21/07/2011 22:01

I'm glad you saw sense OP, hitting your child is never the answer Sad

SkelleyBones · 21/07/2011 22:02

We all think about doing it but don't you'll feel like shit and she'll be confused.

Original poster
PinkSchmoo · 21/07/2011 22:08

I know I'd feel like shit. I'm just feeling so tired and overwhelmed, add in pain and I've basically no idea what to do. Can't actually work out how to delete a bloody thread or ask MN to. Be grateful if someone could tell me.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 21/07/2011 22:10

Report your post at the top.

Or you could just hide it - asking for it to be deleted will take a while, especially as it's after office hours now.

TattyDevine · 21/07/2011 22:19

Yeah just hide it

You might get slaughtered but hell knows you are not the first parent to either consider or actually smack a child. NEWSFLASH! Grin

Chill, don't worry, you are doing the best you can, go have a wee snooze or some choccie

valiumredhead · 21/07/2011 22:29

YOU very sternly and sharply say NO and move her away/ room/step etc. The key is the tone of your voice.

valiumredhead · 21/07/2011 22:30

Sorry caps lock on the word you !

lovesicecream · 21/07/2011 22:34

This reminded me of when my ds was the same age and at nursery, he came back saying donkeys kick, children don't kick, apparently alot of them were going through a kicking phase, it worked with them and he still says it now

valiumredhead · 21/07/2011 22:35

I used to say that to my ds love Grin