To think about smacking DD

[PinkSchmoo]

DD is 2.4. I hurt my foot today (pretty sure I have a broken toe) and it's bloody aching. DH came home tonight, said hello to her and was then talking to me. He asked about my foot, DD started trying to kick it. I told her not to, explained it was sore, lifted my foot to show it to her. She then lifted her foot to try to kick it again.

She is playing me up a lot at the mo. DS is 11weeks and I know she is finding it hard and I am making allowances. We are also potty training. She does understand what being hurt is and that she was going to hurt me. Aibu for thinking about smacking her if she does it again. I have never smacked her before and don't aim to start a bun fight. Genuine question. If not please wwyd in this scenario?

You are either brave or mad to try and potty train with an 11 week old baby in the house. That's a lot of new stuff for her to be taking on board - I'd leave the potty training for a while to be honest?

Your daughter is the same age as mine (i'm pregnant with no 2 its not out yet) and I've decided to leave potty training as I'm not up to it at the moment. I'd be tempted to leave it in your case too if its just another stress factor - and concentrate on building good relationship with her, and trying to reduce stress for you. It could well be that she's strugglign with the new situation and being only 2 has no way to show her frustration yet other than physically.

BSL for naughty= you smack the back of one hand (yours not child's) with the other and point (to DC). My dds know that they have been naughty when i do this.

put her in her room. time out is far more effective. do it calmly and with minimal attention. what does hitting her teach her? only that hurting people is the answer to disagreements. throwing your weight around means you get your own way.

*probably more of a tap than a smack.

Maybe you could take some time out when dd is pushing you, make sure dd is safe and go make yourself a cuppa, just taking yourself away from the situation for a minute can allow you to calm down put events into perspective.

If you are thinking about it, it is wrong - smacking should never be premeditated - if done at all - but more excusable if you haven't thought about it first - but not right either way.

You are tired - you have a new baby - you have a broken toe - she is pressing your buttons. Give yourself a break - drop the potty training for a start - she's not even two and a half yet. Slap on a nap tomorrow and take her to soft play or do something nice that isn't interrupted by wet pants or sitting on a pot waiting. You and she both have too much change going on to deal with this now. Wait a few months until you are both less stressed and she can't remember the time before the wee one - no pun intended.

Do not agree with smacking will not help the situation.

Firm voice and taking her favorite toy away will work fine. No violence needed!

Never hit child. It will stay with them and you and as for the poster who said it teaches them you are to be obeyed i despair.

My daughter must have been about 11 weeks old when my son potty trained, sometimes these things just happen, it was sort of his own accord, he just decided he didn't want nappies, he was completely dry within a few days so it can be done, bit stressful but best to get them past the "potty" stage before you have a crawling baby! If its her doing and its going well you could stick with it.

Smacking has been highly effective for me. I have only smacked my 2.1 year old about 4 times, either for biting me or hurting his little brother. He knows how naughty it is and now, when he starts clamping his teeth down, I look him in the eyes, tell him in a low and serious voice that, if he bites, he knows he will get a smack and that it will hurt, and he then releases and laughs as if it had just been his little joke. However, I do think it should only be used very selectively for a few serious transgressions.

And, frankly, I am not a Christian. I do not see anything wrong with the message that if someone hurts you, you have every right to hurt them back. Children are bright enough to know this is an anti and not a pro violence message, in the sense that they NEVER get a smack unless they have hurt someone first.

Finally, all these other punishments (such as naughty step) do work eventually, if you apply them consistently. But, you ultimately have to enforce them, and that will involve something physical. I have seen some very painful looking restraints used on older children in programmes like Super Nanny.

If it worked you would have done it once and even that would have been wrong.

Noddy,

Children don't learn that way. They learn by repetition. And 4 smacks versus one hundred time outs (which he puts himself in anyway, as a joke) is no contest.

I am always complemented on having delightfully behaved happy children, the older one of whom is now sitting on my knee as I type. Your opinion of "wrong" and mine differ. End of.

End of. You sound really open to being wrong! You hit a child we definitely do differ! They do not learn by repetition they learn by explanation encouragement and love. End of

larrygrylls hard to see what not being a Christian has to do with your methods. Bizarre analogy.

Love the way smacking has been effective for you, though.

What about your children eh? When they punch out your headlights in their teens that'll be all right, because that's what you've taught them. They will use it "selectively" and "for serious transgressions". You, know, the ones you decided in their youth and the ones they'll mete out later.

Echt,

I hope that if a bully punches my teenage child, he will punch him back. I will teach him to NEVER start a fight but always to defend himself.

I was smacked (not beaten) as a child. I haven't been in a fight or hit anyone in anger since I was 12, and that was with my brother. I don't understand why people confuse smacking with beating. And a punishment consistently and rarely applied with some form of random violence.

And another nice friend who has always used smacks as a punishment for her three boys, one is going to Westminster school, the other two doing very well at their prep school. Zero prediliction for violence, just nice, well socialised kids.

There is a degree of hysteria about this subject that I fail to understand. I think some people who really were beaten are justifiably emotively anti any physical punishment (although the naughty step and time out is also ultimately a physical punishment).

What is the link between smacking and private school? You are damaging a part of your child every time you hit them you are showing no respect for them and are crossing a line in terms of boundaries just because you are a parentIf it is harmless and works then I am assuming you would be ok with others hitting your child or do you just 'tap' them the word commonly used to take the edge off what is in fact a loss of control.Hiding thread now as this always ends one way and people who smack will spend forever coming up with daft fingers in sockets stories to try and ease their conscience Have a nice day x

Larrygrylls: I am undecided as to how I feel about smacking (although don't choose to do it personally). But I must say the whole "if someone hurts you you have every right to hurt them back" does not sit well with me. On a larger scale it sounds a bit like vigilante justice to me! As a primary teacher I sometimes have problems with children who say "but my dad said if they do x to me I should just do x back to them". It is very hard to explain that actually they should tell a responsible adult who can sort it out properly. The children who can calmly walk away instead of reacting like with like rarely have problems with confrontation and are rarely targetted in my experience. However, this is a digression and not to do with smacking as a discipline tool, just my reaction to your statement.

I had a few smacks as a child , it Didn't damage me and I never hit anyone as a teenager, my grandad remembers getting the ruler at school and he's never hit anyone either

smacking is history in this country But there is a lady who often comes on the radio in favour

Hmmm---confusing smacking with beating.

So, Larrygrylls you prefer thought-out, weighed-up and considered hitting of a person who is smaller than you than random violence? Oh, this is alright, I've thought hard before I hit you.

Going to a public school is proof of its innocuous nature? And just how is hitting a child a link to this?

Washngo,

Thanks for the reply.

I have known a few people who were bullied and there are countless threads here where it has been shown how hard it is to address through "the proper channels". Maybe it works better at primary school than secondary.

I suffered a year of very minor bullying at school where a big kid used to tread on my shins walking home from school, for about 1/2 a mile and every single day. I ended up with constantly bruised shins but it was the feeling of humiliation in not confronting him (even though he was twice my size) or having any other way to deal with it which has stayed with me. And what would reporting it have done? It was outside school property, completely unprovable and unstoppable. I will definitely send my own children to a responsible martial arts class where they would benefit in fitness, confidence and, if push came to shove,they would at least be able to defend themselves a little bit. (And, for those that don't know, one of the first precepts of any martial art is never to start fights).

I do think that 9/11 taught all of us a salutary lesson about taking physical responsibilty for ourselves and not just relying on others.

But, again, that is a digression.

YANBU to think about smacking her. I think about selling mine to gypsies really quite often.

Just don't do it. That would BVU. And illegal if you're in Scotland.

Echt,

I am tired of this oversimplified "smacking bad, time out or naughty step good" cod philosophy. Whatever discipline you use you are applying force to a small child. Whether a smack or forcibly removing someone from a room or forcibly placing them on a step. And, if they refuse to stay on the step, what then? You force them back on to it. There was a thread on here a couple of days ago about a mother whose child spent 3 hours on a naughty step for refusing to apologise. Better than a quick smack followed by a cuddle and a discussion? Not for me.

And the "violence begets violence" argument is never seen by the anti-smacking brigade as entirely analagous "forcible ostracism begets forcible ostracism". Do you expect your teenage child to pick you up and forcibly remove you from a room if you have annoyed him/her because you did that to them as a toddler?

And the alternative of using no force, you allow yourself to be dictated to by your children.....very unhealthy indeed.

You can only judge people's parenting skills in the round. It is not just how they discipline but how they play with their children, read to them ,comfort them when they are sick or scared etc etc. There are some marvelous parents who use smacking as discipline and some terrible parents who use the naughty step and never read their children a bed time story. And, I will be the first to admit, vice versa. A good parent knows their own child and what works best for them. So I refuse to apologise for my parenting choices and nor would I criticise another parent for making different ones.

Thanks larrygrylls I can actually see where you are coming from, the situation you described sounds extremely unpleasant. I think I would feel more comfortable with describing retaliating in that sort of situation as self defence. Self presevation and being able to physically protect yourself has it's place too, and circumstances need to be taken into account. Nothing is ever black and white. So what I'm trying to say is I think I sort of agree with you, I'm just going to phrase it differently!

noddy my "tap" was referring to the use of the BSL sign, in an earlier post which I made, not to actually smacking or tapping or beating a child. I wasn't trying to dampen down the action of hitting a child, was trying to explain the action of the sign. Sorry for any confusion.