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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Second hand clothes

57 replies

elisadoeslittle · 20/07/2011 16:41

I am 'friends' with another mums website on Facebook. Ive never actually posted on that website as I actually prefer you 'orrible lot.

Anyway, one of their burning questions was : Its estimated to cost £9k to raise a child in its first year of life. How much have you spent?

Que lots of women making their/there and they're mistakes describing how their child had only 'the best' and they spent that much easily and everything was brand new. The first few comments, I laughed. By comment 82 I was thinking, hang on, am I the only woman in the world who has only bought second hand clothes (vests are new or gifts) second hand toys and gets the majority of stuff off ebay?

By the end I started to feel a bit like Im in the poor house! (We arent poor, I just see no reason to spend shed loads of money on stuff that will be sicked or poo-ed on)

AIBU to not consider brand new to always be 'the best'?

OP posts:

Tchootnika · 20/07/2011 16:46

YANBU at all - and FWIW, if you're income is limited as are most people's, you can actually find some much better quality clothing second hand. (Not to mention environmental benefits, etc.)
Ridiculous to imagine that 'new' clothing is always or inherently better.
And there are much better things we can do with money saved when saving on clothes.

LaWeasel · 20/07/2011 16:47

Of course you're not the only one.

A lot of that will be, for eg, disposable nappies and formula if you ff. So anyone who did neither of those will have saved loads.

Anyone who has older children, or friends wanting to pass on their old unwanted baby things will save you a fortune as well - and if your friends were very PFB and bought all expensive stuff then you will have extremely nice posh barely used things!

I would be surprised if we spent more than £1-1.5k on absolutely everything required.

If we'd had more money I would probably have spent more, but nothing was missing.

StrandedBear · 20/07/2011 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineRunner · 20/07/2011 16:48

I was always pleased to find nice 2nd hand clothes for sale and was given a lot too. I bought some new myself, and these little things are the ones I've kept in a box as baby 'keepsakes'.

The plant is groaning enough as it is with the weight of consumer expectations!

Sirzy · 20/07/2011 16:51

Most i

Sirzy · 20/07/2011 16:51

Oops posted way to soon!

Most of Ds clothes were second hand from my nephew - saved me a small fortune!

LaWeasel · 20/07/2011 16:53

I had a friend with a DS a year older than my baby. Almost everything she had was his first.

She wore blue for months and I had to keep explaining she wasn't a boy!

TheBigJessie · 20/07/2011 16:53

Some people have internalised the "thou must buy, buy! Buy!" commandment, haven't they?

That said, if one has money, one tends to spend it, I think. Expenses expand to meet the amount of disposable income available.

tiredgranny · 20/07/2011 16:54

sign of the times the amount of use u get is criminal when i had mine we all borrowed from each other only brought clothes new
but my kids do have hand me downs for their kids except vests

but some of the crap they brought was not needed they all brought baby baths but ended up washing babies in sink

we had 3 double pushchairs (not cheap)

they all go boot fairs now for toys etc

Loonytoonie · 20/07/2011 16:55

YANBU.
What's wrong with being thrifty?

I hate all that marketing that convinces parents that they simply must have this £80 changing bag (My rucksack did the best job) or the £600 pram system that's currently top of the range (my Ebay Phil and Ted for £75). And as for sneering at second hand clothes, I buy my children some amazing and beautiful items second hand.

hildathebuilder · 20/07/2011 16:56

I have hardly bought anything new. bits and pieces and some of the bigger stuff like a pram, but I really didn't see the point given the fact so much second stuff is good quality. I did it becuase I am naturally thrifty, not because I cannot afford new. I can afford new I just don't want to. And although I do have money I don't tend to spend it (and in fact have spent less since DS was born as I go out less)

BertieBasset · 20/07/2011 16:57

Nope I had lots of second hand things, and still do. I use ebay for all our garden toys pretty much, and have clothes handed down from relatives for dd1, which i am now using for dd2.

I also hand on anything I don't need, and have lent things to friends.

We have a comfortable income but I don't see the point in spending money for the sake of it. For example, my friend has just spent £600 on a cot DD2 is the second occupant of my £67 cot from IKEA! Just depends on what you want/can afford to spend your money on I guess.

I am tight thrifty

Original poster

elisadoeslittle · 20/07/2011 16:57

Ive got three pushchairs (travel systems too, complete with car seats!) all for nothing, from friends.

I just couldnt beleive these women were entertaining the idea that second hand stuff was somehow inferior. Clothes are clothes, DS doesnt know or care where I bought it from when hes dribbling milk all over it!

OP posts:

skybluepearl · 20/07/2011 17:00

we have done verything second hand - even our car seat was from a trusted friend

sunshineandbooks · 20/07/2011 17:00

YANBU. Apart from car seats and cot mattress, everything I bought was second-hand.

NotADudeExactly · 20/07/2011 17:02

DH and I are just starting to try for our first and one of the things that bother me are that I don't know many people with kids that I could 'inherit' cheap stuff from.

FWIW the first piece of clothing I even remember owning is a dress I got as a present when I was about nine. My mum was an avid recycler, I'm definitely not scarred for life. In fact my most prized wearable possession ever is second hand (okay, it is vintage Dior, I supposed that does make a difference).

AMumInScotland · 20/07/2011 17:02

YANBU - DS lived in second-hand stuff when he was a baby and toddler - they grow out of stuff so much faster then they can wear it out at that age! And everything that he didn't ruin got passed on to my sister and has gone through her two DC, and then on to her friends.

And it wasn't that we were terribly poor, it just seemed silly to buy new when we were given huge piles of previously-owned things in good condition.

Same with toys - we picked all sorts up from car boot sales - anything that could be washed!

I think there is a competitive feeling of "Oh of course my child must have the best of everything", and "the best" = "spending lots of money" - so it "proves" how special your children are, if you spend a fortune on them.

RumourOfAHurricane · 20/07/2011 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

skybluepearl · 20/07/2011 17:03

my NCT group mostly bought new but then realised how silly it was and now do second hand mostly. they are all very well off but at the end of the day it is more economic and environmental.

alowVera · 20/07/2011 17:04

I buy new and preloved. And DD1 gets preloved clothes from cousins, and we pass preloved clothes onto a friend with a younger child. When they are little, they grow out of things so quickly, and it would cost an absolute fortune, that we could not afford to buy new clothes every 3 months etc, IYKWIM. (I draw the line at underwear, (knickers& socks) they have to be new)
I buy them toys of eBay.
I don't see the problem, and DD1 loves getting bundles of things from Older cousins/friends.

skybluepearl · 20/07/2011 17:04

try the NCT for local NCT sales of toys, equipment and clothes. all you need to do is type your post code in and it with bring up locations and dates.

Riveninside · 20/07/2011 17:04

yanbu. more environmentally friendly to use second hand when they are in a garment for a matter of weeks only.

nocake · 20/07/2011 17:05

We have loads of second hand stuff. Most of DD's clothes are cast offs from her cousins. All of her furniture is second hand as are her buggies, playmat and half her toys. As long as stuff is in good condition it doesn't matter if it's new or used.

My latest aquisition is a fireguard that cost £2 from eBay.

Cedise · 20/07/2011 17:09

I bought everything new for my newborn, but I had just moved to another country and didn't know anyone to give me 'hand me downs'. Since DD was 3, nearly everything has been secondhand. New clothes tend to be for Christmas/birthday, or as a treat.

OTOH I did feel a bit bad when DD grew out of her favourite jeans and asked if she could have some more of the same ones, I asked where they were from and she gave me the look and said "the charity shop, mum." I checked and they are from New Look, when I said we would go and get some next week she was really excited. I feel awful that she is actually thrilled at getting something brand new.

alemci · 20/07/2011 17:09

YANBU nothing wrong with 2nd hand stuff. More money than sense seems to befall some people when they have babies. when I look back I think I too wasted money at times. e.g a baby sling that I used about twice as it gave me backache and it took so long to put baby in it.

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