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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Second hand clothes

57 replies

elisadoeslittle · 20/07/2011 16:41

I am 'friends' with another mums website on Facebook. Ive never actually posted on that website as I actually prefer you 'orrible lot.

Anyway, one of their burning questions was : Its estimated to cost £9k to raise a child in its first year of life. How much have you spent?

Que lots of women making their/there and they're mistakes describing how their child had only 'the best' and they spent that much easily and everything was brand new. The first few comments, I laughed. By comment 82 I was thinking, hang on, am I the only woman in the world who has only bought second hand clothes (vests are new or gifts) second hand toys and gets the majority of stuff off ebay?

By the end I started to feel a bit like Im in the poor house! (We arent poor, I just see no reason to spend shed loads of money on stuff that will be sicked or poo-ed on)

AIBU to not consider brand new to always be 'the best'?

OP posts:
Sarsaparilllla · 20/07/2011 17:10

I don't have kids yet but when I do I've already been offered stuff from my friends who already have kids! I'd gladly take hand-me-downs, children grow so quick I'd rather use my money for other things

revolutionscoop · 20/07/2011 17:10

YANBU! I've only bought a handful of clothes for dd1 (now four) since she was born. Virtually all her things are hand-me-downs from friends, including alot of quite retro stuff like smocked Laura Ashley frocks from the late 80's and French pinafores etc. I get so many people commenting on how beautifully she's dressed, or asking where I bought her clothes... Presumably because her things look unique. And my friends love to see another little girl wearing the clothes they remember on their own dc. Second hand is fab.

pubquizhurtmybrain · 20/07/2011 17:19

I was so PFB with DD1 (3.9) I refused point blank to have anything second hand, and turned down all sort of offers from family and friends of clothes, prams, cots etc. My baby would have the best!...
Now I have got from up my own arse and DD2 is 6mo I have bought hardly anything new for her she has all her sisters cast offs, as well as anything being offered by family, friends, other mums at playgroup. She looks as gorgeous and happy as DD1 did and I can't believe how much money I wasted and how precious I must have seemed Blush

33goingon64 · 20/07/2011 17:58

DS's clothes have almost all gone through three nephews and some were even second hand before they got to my nephews. They are almost all like new. His only actual new clothes are bought for him by DH's Mum who will not be told that he has a chest of drawers bursting with stuff right up to 1year and we really don't need more stuff. But she insists and as DS is her only Grandchild I have been told be DH to let her get on with it. But it pains me to see her spend her money on stuff we don't need.

However most of his toys are new as friends have bought them and I am guessing a lot of soft toys in particular are not great after a baby has loved/chewed them to death.

Seems that a lot of people are stupid and think that spending money will make them/their dc happier. Which of course it won't.

Serves you right for going to another group, OP!

foreverondiet · 20/07/2011 18:23

We have enough money, but the main cost of DS2's first year was my time off work for 6 months - which was in excess of £9k even with maternity pay.

He is using 2nd (actually 3rd hand after DD and DS1) hand buggy, cot (even mattress), car seat etc, and 2nd hand clothes from DS1 (and also 4 different DNs). But yes I did buy cot, pram etc for DD but she did get 2nd hand clothes from DN. My sister's DS is 9 and she loves it when she sees DS2 wearing her DS's baby hand-me downs!

I rarely buy baby food (ie cook from scratch) but disposable nappies cost and I did 6 months of formula after I went back to work.

EauRouge · 20/07/2011 18:28

YANBU, almost all our DDs' things are second hand. It's better for your wallet and better for the environment. I think people who buy everything brand new because they think it's "the best" are a bit bonkers.

SpecialFriedRice · 20/07/2011 18:29

YANBU!

My DD had a new cot and buggy etc.

When it came to clothes she had a mixture of new and second hand. Buying new all I could afford was Tesco, Asda, Matalan, Ethel Austin etc.

Buying second hand from ebay she got some lovely GAP, Next, Mini Boden etc that was in great condition (obviously because babies under a year grow so quick stuff doesn't have time to get crapped up!).

Ebay was also fab for getting lovely hand knitted cardies and booties, although they were new. But great if you don't have any knitters in the family.

Awomancalledhorse · 20/07/2011 18:31

YANBU!
I will keep track on everything I spend in LO's first year (it's due in Dec).
So far; £6 on 30 bits of clothes from eBay & £6 on a 6 pack of baby gros from Tesco.
We could 'afford' to buy everything new, but I can't see the point (I buy most of my clothes 2nd hand anyhoo).

The only parents I know who have bought their kids everything from new, including my brother, have been the sort who like to express their 'wealth' through Addidas tracksuits & Timberland boots.

Snuppeline · 20/07/2011 18:41

I love a thrifty bargain and browse charity shops as well as NCT sales. I've also borrowed from colleagues/friends and have lent my things to others. My dd's push chair is a stained boy'ish Maclaren which a relative got me. Saved me £120! Nursery furniture was bought second hand by a wealthy family, all Mamas and Papas, bought 6 pieces of furniture for £300 where the price for one item starts at £800... that's my best bargain yet Grin

I found particularly in the baby stage that 'new' toys were desirable when my dd developed but I bought most toys from charity shops and just made sure I got some keepsake toys for her birthday.

YANBU Smile

Snuppeline · 20/07/2011 18:42

I'd like to add its not just saving money which drives my thrift but also the environmental benefit and the fact that my house is small so space is a premium!

Cersei · 20/07/2011 18:43

YANBU!
Most of mine and DS's clothes are 2nd hand, I love looking for bargains in the charity shops and nearly new sales, it's where I get all my best stuff! Don't see the point of spending a fortune on clothes for children when they are grown out of so quickly or get stained easily. If they haven't cost me much it doesn't matter. By buying 2nd hand I can have more new (to me anyway) clothes than I would if I bought brand new stuff.
Most of DS's toys and books that we've bought him are 2nd hand too from the NCT sales or charity shops.

whackamole · 20/07/2011 18:45

I bought about 3 outfits per child for my twins (they were my first) but got a lot of new things as gifts.

I also got about a half ton of second hand stuff from Freecycle, clothes, swing chair, cot etc. In fact, I actually can't remember buying anything new for them!

Oh wait. I can. 2 change mats and a top n tail bowl from Mamas and Papas. Total waste of money, but that's for another thread!

trixymalixy · 20/07/2011 18:48

I buy almost all the DCs clothes from eBay at the moment, and some for me too although that's a bit more hit and miss tbh.

I also get hand me downs from various friends.

I don't see the point in buying new when you can get really good condition stuff really cheaply second hand.

forehead · 20/07/2011 19:14

yadnbu, my dsis bought a pram costing £700 for her pfb, despite the fact that i advised her not to do so.
She used this pram ONCE, and ended up using my £80 buggy from mothercare

Nagini · 20/07/2011 19:32

Yanbu. I spent on a cotbed and sheets etc, the travelsystem was new but inexpensive and even vests and stuff I got given as my friend who had a baby at the same time had a gargantuan baby that couldn't fit in any of it :)

I love ebay for baby clothes.

Original poster
elisadoeslittle · 20/07/2011 19:39

I just fail to see the notion that something is not 'the best' because someone else has used it. I mean, if something is the best in its field it remains so until another 'best' has come out.

I found the whole thread quite shallow and Im sorry I ever left you Mumsnet!

OP posts:
clippityclop · 20/07/2011 19:48

We're not poor but I love playing tbe 'opportunity cost' game of new stuff against picking things up for next to nothing. Recently made a list of gear to kit DDs out for our holiday from the Next directory and then shopped for the equivalent on Ebay/charity shop. Kids are made up and they undertand we've saved about £200 which will pay for a special day out during our trip.

pubquizhurtmybrain · 20/07/2011 19:51

I totally agree EauRouge and elisa regarding new things being "the best". That was just the pfb state of mind I was in at the time, and like I said, on reflection I have realised it was a ridiculous way to think, and am actually qiute embarrassed by it. Snuppeline, that's a really good ponit you make about the environmental benefit as well.

Giggle78 · 20/07/2011 19:54

YANBU

Why on earth would you spend a lot of money on stuff? Almost everything was given to me. I was so happy and intend to hand the stuff on. Lots of the clothes were hardly worn.

Plus I am only getting my ds a book for his first birthday. Why would I spend loads of money? - he is lovely, I love him, but he doesn't care!!

People are basically insecure - thats where competitive mum syndrome stems from -a strange need to prove their love in way that is very visible.

seeker · 20/07/2011 19:55

The money side of it is important - but it's the environmental cost that the deal breaker for me. Big business has done a very good job of selling us the "Only the best is good enough for my child" line - with "the best" obviously being new.

Resist the pressure!

fedupofnamechanging · 20/07/2011 19:59

I was the first of my friends to have a baby, so I did buy everything new, but the cot, carrycot, and lots of clothes got re used when I had more babies. Had 3 boys, so the clothes have definitely been well used.

I did buy a lot new for my DD though. Wish I'd thought to look on the internet for clothes for her.

The one thing I regret buying was a very expensive highchair, that was a bloody nightmare to clean and I kept tripping over the legs, which stuck out at angles and took up far too much space. Wish I'd bought a cheapie from IKEA.

catsareevil · 20/07/2011 20:00

I dont think that second hand clothes are any less 'best' than brand new clothes. Given the price of second hand clothes compared to brand new clothes of the same brand, being willing to wear second hand lets me wear far better clothes than if I insisted on only wearing brand new clothes.

33goingon64 · 20/07/2011 20:22

Any tips on how to communicate this to well-meaning Grandparents who insist on buying an outfit every time we see them (every 6 weeks)? The last outfit didn't even fit as it was bought in Spain and Spanish babies must be about half the size of British babies! MIL even made the point that it had been expensive...

I don't want to hurt her feelings, as DS is their first, long-awaited grandchild and they see that DS is wearing clothes that have come from my nephews, it's understandable that they want to buy something nice for him. I would rather they saved their money or spent it on books for DS if they absolutely have to buy him something. But DH thinks I would upset them by saying so.

I mean, babies don't have a clue what they are wearing! Surely it's about the adult projecting their identity onto the baby!? Right?

aquashiv · 20/07/2011 20:27

I get an amazing sense of satistaction from a good deal r . When I have a to fork out lots of money I shake and feel conned.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 20/07/2011 20:28

My lot didnt have anything new.

So it was lovely to buy brand new stuff for DCs 4 & 5.

I didnt think it was vital but it felt nice.

There is a difference between being thrifty and being poor.

It was crap when DD and DS1 were little. Its all very well buying from jumble sales but its hard to get things like decent coats and pjs etc.

I love second hand and buy a lot but its not so much fun when you dont have a choice.