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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

think that the eleven plus forum is one of the scariest places on the web

40 replies

reallytired · 15/07/2011 23:11

smug mum alert

My son has done well in his year 4 SATs and averaging 4B in most subjects. I was thinking of letting him try for the grammar school in year 6, but I can't afford tutoring. I decided to have a look on the web.

This site is scary. www.elevenplusexams.co.uk/

It appears I have left it too late to prepare my son. I don't think I want my son to work so hard. He likes his music.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 15/07/2011 23:17

what is 11plus?alpha mums and tutors yes thats scary
pushy folk talk of such things - i ignore

GreenEyesandHam · 15/07/2011 23:18

There's an 11 plus forum?

scottishmummy · 15/07/2011 23:19

what is it?private school exam?

Original poster
reallytired · 15/07/2011 23:22

Its a state grammar, Parmitars School. I don't think ds chances are particularly high as most the places go to siblings or children who live near by.

OP posts:
bubblesincoffee · 15/07/2011 23:24

YANBU to think that website is scary, most parts of it are like a freakshow! It was the whole thing about 'targeting' a certain school that got me!

I looked on there when I was putting ds through 11+ last year, and that was about 3 months before the test. We did a couple of practice papers for each subject, and my ds ended up missing the pass mark by 5 marks, and we got him in on appeal because of huge mitigating circumstances. I'm not reccommeding you try that route, but at the same time, over tutoring is not a good thing.

YABU to think that you have left it too late to do any tutoring though, you have loads of time, definately more than you need. When you look at the 11+forum, you have to take from it the bits that are useful, and ignore the rest. It can be useful for information about the format of the test in the individual school you are applying for, but you definately have to keep your sensible head on when reading some of the posts.

bubblesincoffee · 15/07/2011 23:26

How come they allocate places to siblings? Do they not just do it on results like most selective schools?

scottishmummy · 15/07/2011 23:26

yes internet sites can be alarmist rubbish.medical ones are dire.if you dont think youre ill before you go on by time you browse you'll be spluttering last breath

Original poster
reallytired · 15/07/2011 23:27

I feel for these poor children if they fail the 11 plus after all that preparation. Going to a comprehensive /secondary modern is not a death sentence.

The idea of starting in year 3 is bonkers.

OP posts:
kayah · 15/07/2011 23:29

that forum had nuggetts of knowledge
as a whole it has it's place for when you have very specific question to ask

where we are grammar schools have different requirements and they don't give much away in details what they expect of the kids

it would have been very difficult for my kids to get their places had I not done extra digging and asking questions there

stardustn · 16/07/2011 16:24

Please please don't let it put you off- I went to a state grammar school after passing my 11+ and didn't have any tutoring for the exam, and neither did quite a few other people. I'd get your DS a few of the practice papers from WH Smith and let him have a look and go through them with him, much cheaper and IMO just as beneficial. You definitely haven't left it too late :)

Good luck :)

vegetariandumpling · 16/07/2011 16:35

I don't think I want my son to work so hard.
I don't think ds chances are particularly high as most the places go to siblings or children who live near by.

Sorry, but I don't think that's an attitude you want to be passing on to your DS. What's wrong with just giving it a try and see what happens? If you go in with a defeatest attitude then what can you expect?

If you can, get some kind of preparation material (they used to have books and practice papers on sale when I did it) then spend some time going through the different types of questions with him yourself everyday. Even if he doesn't pass, the preparation and the actual experience of taking the test will benefit him later.

Original poster
reallytired · 16/07/2011 19:45

"Even if he doesn't pass, the preparation and the actual experience of taking the test will benefit him later."

How? Surely he was just be disappointed and his confidence might be hit. Failing the 11 plus was bad for my confidence as my parents had invested so much effort in preparation and they were clearly devestated. Disappointing my parents was the worst thing about failing the eleven plus. It made me feel a failure on so many levels. I don't want my son to feel like I did at ten years old.

I think its pointless tutoring a child for a grammar school exam for years. Either they are eleven plus material or they are not. I can't helping thinking that practicing music is more benefical to my son than practicing verbal or numerical reasoning. At least he would gain a skill that would give him pleasure as an adult.

The only reason I am looking at website is that HE wants to do the eleven plus.

OP posts:
NotEnoughTime · 16/07/2011 20:41

I have been on that website a few times and have found a lot of very helpful people on there.

However I have also found a lot of fanatical, pushy and obsessed interested parents on there too.

bigscarymum · 16/07/2011 20:49

Funnily enough most people on that forum find mumsnet scary! Actually most people are just normal parents trying to give their kids the best start in life that they can. Of course there are some scary people, but you find them everywhere.

PS you won't get a sibling into a grammar school if they don't pass the 11plus.

bigscarymum · 16/07/2011 20:51

Oh, and actually the recommendation from there is to tutor your child from the January before the test at the earliest. Yes, people do start earlier, but people tutor from an early age even without the 11plus.

Gingefringe · 16/07/2011 20:57

My SIL is obsessed with getting her 'genius' son into a grammar school. Apparently he is already 2 years in front of the other pupils in his class and is bound to get in!!
I can imagine she would be one of the pushy scary parents on the website.
She's a boring bitch at the best of times

ShellingPeas · 16/07/2011 21:01

It can be helpful if you need advice for specific schools and areas. BUT there are some loons on there - my local area has one parent who is busy coaching his 8 year old to sit the test which doesn't happent until 2012. He has know exactly what everyone else is doing regarding preparation - IMO it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing, it's what suits your child.

Oh and never, ever, get imbroiled in an in county or out of county debate as the knives are drawn.

Sadly people on there don't seem to accept that grammar might not be the best option for all their DC and push on regardless. I have one at grammar and my younger child won't even sit 11+ as it's not the right environment.

ShellingPeas · 16/07/2011 21:02

embroiled even

Original poster
reallytired · 16/07/2011 21:14

ShellingPeas, you sound a very sensible parent.

I think its totally pointless to put a child into the eleven plus if they are not top table material. Even if a child is bright they may still be happier being a big fish in a small pond rather than a small fish in a big pond.

I have no intention of tutoring my son yet (!) I want to give him choices, but protect him from the experiences I had a child. I want my son to feel loved for who he is and know that I am there for him whether he goes to grammar school or (god forbid!) some awful accident/ illness happened and he ended up at special school. I want him to respect all people whatever their ablity.

OP posts:
lawnimp · 16/07/2011 21:15

you gotta be in it to win it

Ingles2 · 16/07/2011 21:29

there are some totally fab people on that site and some total loons as well... rather like here Grin
I had to appeal earlier this year on oversubscription for my eldest son... he'd passed the test well, but we lived just too far away... I had some really brilliant advice and we won our appeal.
I've tried talking to the same people about ds2, who I've decided not to enter for the 11+ at all. He'd probably pass it, with a lot of work on his maths, but the school doesn't really suit him. He's not conventionally academic.
You'd think I was suggesting sending him straight to the worst sink school for a life of hopeless crime...
just take what you need from the site and ignore the rest. Follow your own instincts about your dc, you will invariably be right.

Mumalsoasfriend · 19/06/2021 20:17

AgreeConfused

3ismylot · 20/06/2021 09:46

The forum is definitely an eye opener!
All 3 of ours took the 11 plus, none of them had any tutoring, they just saw the sample test paper in the info pack to know what to expect. 2 did extremely well and scored more than enough to pick from either a mixed or a single sex choice with the single sex having a higher entry score, they both chose the mixed and love it, the 3rd didn't score enough but was already happy with staying with their friends and is doing well.
On the forum people had paid thousands on tutoring only for the child to not score well and I felt sorry for the children after having all that pressure placed on them. Plus I am a strong believer that if they need the tutoring they will struggle once there if they do pass.
Our children had the choice all the way through to take the test, which school to apply for and whether or not to accept the place if successful and there was never any pressure or expectation.

kowari · 20/06/2021 09:49

Depends on the school and the child. DS had no tutoring, I bought him a practice test book a few months before the test that he worked through independently. Gloucestershire grammar.

newnortherner111 · 20/06/2021 10:35

Anyone who has had a successful business career who had failed the eleven plus will tell you, as a way of saying they overcame failure. Even when you forget pushy parents, helicopter parents or whatever you term them, the website does not surprise me.

I am all in favour of streaming, sets etc and opposed to mixed ability teaching at secondary level, but nothing will change my view that the 11 plus should end.