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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should do this even though he's at work?

39 replies

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 14/07/2011 13:13

Our landlord is trying to get some work done on our flat; we've agreed to check some things with neighbours about how their flats have been updated (ours is the last to be renovated in the building), and we've agreed to get in touch with the builder who wants to come look round.

I've been away most of last week, so couldn't go and ask neighbours things - DH didn't do it. The landlady rang yesterday to give us the builder's number and of course I had to say we'd not managed yet to talk to our neighbours, which I felt bad about as we'd said we were happy to do this. I don't go out to work, as I'm a student. DH works. When he got home I asked him to ring the builder and suggested we both go to talk to neighbours as they weren't in during the day. DH hasn't done it. I'm going away next week for most of the week; I won't be in to let the builder in so I think he needs to organize a time when he can let the guy in. He's done nothing.

It's not a big deal but I'm fed up with feeling I get lumbered with this stuff because I'm usually home during the day. He seems to think since I have two trips close together, he can just wait until I get back, and then I will do it. What do you think, am I beign precious?

OP posts:
Original poster
LRDTheFeministNutcase · 14/07/2011 13:14

NB: yes, this is most certainly one of those 'omg, don't you have anything more to worry about' ones. I know.

OP posts:
SomethingProfound · 14/07/2011 14:34

Tell him to pull his finger out!

NewbeeMummy · 14/07/2011 15:08

just so I can make a decent call on this, when you say you're going away, do you mean on holiday?

MrSpoc · 14/07/2011 15:11

Op he is working while your at home on your arse. Why cant you do it?

redexpat · 14/07/2011 15:34

Don't think you're being precious. It's def annoying. Perhaps DH just doesn't realise the time constraints? Also just because you are home during the day does not mean that you have time to deal with these things - your occupation is studying, which means that from 9-5 you should be studying.

I also get lumbered because I am usually home in the day. My DH has now been trained to say that his wife is home in the morning so I can still get out if I need to.

Original poster
LRDTheFeministNutcase · 14/07/2011 15:52

Sorry for the pause - I lost this wit TIO not working!

newbee - no, sorry, should ave said, but it's not holiday, it's studying.

mrspoc - erm, because I won't be there? So if I call the builder, I'll have to guess a time DH will be free, won't I? It'd be better if DH does it as e will actually be there!

(As to 'sat on my arse' - erm, I may be at home but I work longer hours than DH, and he knows that, thanks!)

OP posts:
spookshowangel · 14/07/2011 15:57

mr spoc dont be a fuck.

InTheNightKitchen · 14/07/2011 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrSpoc · 14/07/2011 16:08

You never said that. You just sound lazy. Nothing fuck about it. (Not sure how you can work longer hours than your husband when he is working and your not).

WhoAteMySnickers · 14/07/2011 16:09

YABU. Why will you have to guess a time?

Either phone your DH at work and ask him what time is best for you to organise for the builder to come over, or just book a time with the builder for when you are away next week and tell your DH he needs to make arrangements to be there. You are at home so of course it's easier for you to sort little things like this out.

If I were your LL I'd start to wonder whether I should bother paying out for a renovation as I'd think you seem quite happy with the flat as it is.

Original poster
LRDTheFeministNutcase · 14/07/2011 16:10

Eh? Never said what?

Read my OP: I said the problem is I have just been away all week and I will be away next week, it's right there. What are you not understanding?

I also told you already I'm studying. I bring in more money from my grant than DH gets and I work longer hours than he does. I think you're trying to see something that's not there!

OP posts:
TimeWasting · 14/07/2011 16:11

If you're at home to organise something, then it's fair and easier if you do it.
If you're not, or it needs doing when you're both in, as in this instance then he needs to pull his finger out.

What type of studying are you doing OP?

Original poster
LRDTheFeministNutcase · 14/07/2011 16:12

who - it's the LL who wants the renovation done, yes. We're happy as it is, but it's nice they're doing it.

I just feel that DH might as well do it since he'll get the time right - he can't just plan an hour off work if I pick a time, his work isn't like that. You may be right I should just get him to tell me when his free slots would be, try to work things out with the builder and get to some kind of an agreement - just think it'd be simpler if he did it.

OP posts:
Original poster
LRDTheFeministNutcase · 14/07/2011 16:13

time - that makes sense. And English lit - medieval. Smile

OP posts:
Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit · 14/07/2011 16:14

In MrSpoc's defence, he doesn't come across like a person who's spent much time at university, so perhaps the concept of study being hard work is beyond him.

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor · 14/07/2011 16:18

MrSpoc seems to think that only those who get paid work Hmm

OP in this case YANBU If your DH is the one who will be there when the builder comes round then it's only common sense for him to make the appointment.

MrSpoc · 14/07/2011 16:19

LRD your title says To think DH should do this even though he's at work which is wrong in his self. He's working and that is what he should do.

Yes you said you were away last week but LL just called and you would prefer to call husband and tell him to call builders????? If your time was so much more important studying then why waste the call to husband and just ring the builder?

Not rocket science. You still sound lazy and now sound like you dont even value your husband?s career/work cause your studying English.

TimeWasting · 14/07/2011 16:19

Cool, is it phd?

MrSpoc · 14/07/2011 16:20

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit - your right but now I earn over 10k a month. why waste my time doing a degree i wont use???? Madness

TheAtomicBroomstick · 14/07/2011 16:22

MrSpoc = What the fuck are you talking about? Did you read the OP? Being a student can mean longer hours than working. It is possible. Combine studying and assignments to lectures and it's a lot of time. And she's not there.

Her DH needed to speak to a nieghbour and make one phone call. It's not unreasonable. He is being lazy. And he's not the only DH who does this. My BIL used to work 9-3, but earned more than my Sis who worked 9-5, and he still expected her to do all the cleaning. That's just bone idle laziness.

I have to be honest, even I can sometimes be guilty of leaving DP to do things because she is a SAHM. And I can tell you I'd get it in the neck for this.

Tell him to get off his arse.

Original poster
LRDTheFeministNutcase · 14/07/2011 16:23

spoc, what do you mean 'waste' the call? Do you not understand that I don't have control over my DH's work schedule and cannot set up a time for him to meet the builder without ringing him and the builder at least once each? Whereas DH could just ring the builder and use one phonecall. Simple, surely?

I need my degree to get the job I want - it's not a waste of time.

time - yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
LRDTheFeministNutcase · 14/07/2011 16:25

Thanks atomic - I didn't expect this to get Spoc-style replies, just thought it was something where I might be being pushy to DH but wasn't sure. I'm sure he's not being deliberately lazy, to be fair - he's just not done it this time.

OP posts:
TimeWasting · 14/07/2011 16:26

Phd is a job, esp if you're getting a grant. It's a job studying. Some folk don't understand that though, clearly.

Expecting you to ring your husband and then ring the builder on his behalf to organise something that will ultimately be between them is craziness.

Original poster
LRDTheFeministNutcase · 14/07/2011 16:28

time - yeah, I think so ... I just suspect it'll take more than two phonecalls of to-and-fro to find a good time.

DH should be home in an hour or so and I'll remind him he needs to do this as I'm not going to.

OP posts:
WhoAteMySnickers · 14/07/2011 16:30

LRD - I get that you're pissed off with your DH. I think YABU, others disagree.

Yes, it's simple enough for your DH to ring the builder himself, but it is also true that in the time you've posted and replied on this thread you could have made those phonecalls and have the appointment set up.

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