To think DH should do this even though he's at work?

[LRDTheFeministNutcase]

Our landlord is trying to get some work done on our flat; we've agreed to check some things with neighbours about how their flats have been updated (ours is the last to be renovated in the building), and we've agreed to get in touch with the builder who wants to come look round.

I've been away most of last week, so couldn't go and ask neighbours things - DH didn't do it. The landlady rang yesterday to give us the builder's number and of course I had to say we'd not managed yet to talk to our neighbours, which I felt bad about as we'd said we were happy to do this. I don't go out to work, as I'm a student. DH works. When he got home I asked him to ring the builder and suggested we both go to talk to neighbours as they weren't in during the day. DH hasn't done it. I'm going away next week for most of the week; I won't be in to let the builder in so I think he needs to organize a time when he can let the guy in. He's done nothing.

It's not a big deal but I'm fed up with feeling I get lumbered with this stuff because I'm usually home during the day. He seems to think since I have two trips close together, he can just wait until I get back, and then I will do it. What do you think, am I beign precious?

Actually, I admit it, sometimes it is laziness. Sometimes I just can't be bothered. He probably can't. We can all be lazy sometimes.

Mr Spoc doesn't expect to do ever have do anything around the house by the sounds of it, just work because he's a man, so one could argue that he is lazy when he is in the house.

I mean I am expected to do half the cleaning on weekends even though I work all weak (which is OK), but Mr Spoc is implying that by saying that he your thread title is wrong you should not expect him to do anything because he works. That's how it comes across, anyway.

your right but now I earn over 10k a month. why waste my time doing a degree i wont use????

I agree there! two daughters; one on up to £30 ph, the other on £7. Guess who has the degree! As for me, I too have a good degree but can't find a job which will fit in with everything else. Madness.

However speaking frome experience, a degree is damned hard work and you shouldn't belittle it. If you haven't done one then you won't understand the stress involved and the work load.

OP if I were you I'd just ring the bloody builder and sort it out yourself! I know I've always had to in the end cos otherwise I'd be whistling at the wind which is a damn site more frustrating in the long run.
Good luck with your degree too. What year will you be in when you go back?

who, yes, I know. The reason I posted it is that it's one of those little things that happens from time to time, and after a few of them happen I start wondering if DH is being a little out of order or if I am. Make sense?

unpaid - thanks! I do often just do it myself ... just feeling maybe he could this time/maybe he ought to be doing a bit more. I'm not 'going back', though - I'm studying right now. I have to finish by September next year.

Good luck with it LRD. Is it a Masters then?
Think they end Sept don't they?

I just know that with my dearest, he just didn't seem to 'get it' that I'd be at uni all day, studying half the bloody night (many a time I sat under blankets with fingerless gloves on at 3am cos it was the only time I got any peace!) and he was main carer (so at home) for the boys, but I still had to teach him that this needs doing and that, this meeting needs attending and that form needs completing, this hosp appt, this cleaning etc etc...
For the 1st yr I did it myself mainly as well as all else but then I got narky heehee. He learned in the end but I was sooo stressed with it all.
Maybe if you get a break together at some point you could sit him down and explain how it needs to be from now on! Good luck.

TheAtomicBroomstick - how wrong are you. I do more than 50% around my house. i also do the night feeds.

What i wouldnt stand for is my wife calling me at work saying, please call X and sort it out, especially when im at work and she is at home. Yes she is also studying for her PGCE but she has more freedom then me.

Thanks unpaid, I think you're right, I need to sit down and explain things a bit more clearly to him.

It's a PhD, btw - you don't really work school terms for those as you do for undergrad, hence the comment.

spoc - I see what you're saying about your wife, but I think your andd her situation is different. I found my Undergrad/ Masters required less long hours than this - just my personal experience of course, but DH knows I am finding this harder work.

If your wife worked longer hours, maybe you would feel differently?

OP, I hear you - I end up doing just about all of the house related stuff - from managing bills to sorting out repairs, and anything in between. This was the case even when I was working full time just like him. (I'm now on ML.) His argument is that I'm better at it. And I am... but it doesn't mean I gate the burden sometimes & wish he'd step up for a bit, unasked.

However I do sometimes give him specific tasks to do when I just can't do it, or need help to resolve something - and he does get it done. So YANBU because you've asked him to do this because you're away a fair bit at the moment & he's been rubbish. It's the principle of it, right?

That rings very true here nomore - specific tasks, fine, he'll do them. But just doing something that needs doing without me saying is less likely.

It's just irritating that I thought while I was away last week he'd have asked the neighbours but he just 'forgot' and doesn't see why that annoys me - because by default it becomes my responsibility again.

Hmm, sounds like he's having trouble with this specific task though!

Maybe instead of nagging him to ring, just say what you've said there in your last post. It's more about how this is making you feel. If he can't respond reasonably to that, and understand you, then that would be very U of him.

Bloody Men!

It's a PhD, btw - you don't really work school terms for those as you do for undergrad, hence the comment.

No of course it's all very different. I used to struggle at Christmas time when they gave us 6 assignments to get in by mid Jan. Although we broke up around 16th Dec my 2 SLD boys broke up a few days later (after you'd spent the last few days of their term going to various Christmassy things at school) and they went back around 6/8th Jan so basically I had about a week to do 6 2,500/3,000 wordassignments! (hence me sitting under a duvet with fingerless gloves at 3am on my laptop typing away like billio!!!)
And in between I'd be the one buying/wrapping/organising presents for my lot plus nephews/neices etc., buying all the food and so on. And sometimes I'd say could you at least write some lables and he would moan like hell!!!

Again, Bloody Men!

Ouch, unpaid, you have my sympathy and then some!

I should say, he has come in, not phoned the builder but has insisted on paying my parking tickets for me because he knows I struggle with typing in numbers (I'm dyslexic) ... so I am feeling a bit bad about complainign now. But I think he had realized I was a bit browned off before he did it, too!

Aww he don't sound so bad now does he!
Course he realised. He aint daft hon!
So I guess you'll be ringing the builder then!!!!

Just to pitch this in in defence of you re: the 'sitting on your arse' comment: I'm only on my BA and I'm usually running around like a headless chicken - people with standard day jobs have standard work hours, 'students' have a LOT of material to work through and we fit it around all the things people leave for us to do thinking we aren't busy enough...

Even when it's not essay season or exam season there's hours and hours or reading and secondary reading to do (with you on the literature - but it's Spanish for me ).

Anyway, it's sad that some people just don't value or understand studying...

At the end of the day it's never nice to be stressed about extra things. Ask/tell your DH to make the phonecall himself because it does sound simpler that way.