Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to want to give in???

46 replies

BabbyEdensMummy · 11/07/2011 21:22

my DD whos a year old this month, has been in her cot crying since 8.15pm??? she doesnt sleep at all and comes in our bed nearly every night (wrong i know, but its a habit we want to break) (also now she doesnt even seem to settle in our bed either shes constantly flinging her self around in her sleep, its like her body wont rest) so ive spoke to health visitor and she told me to give bottle in her room which i did and then put her in cot and leave her to cry until she falls asleep, but shes very stubborn little baby as we have tryed before and shes cryed for hours, plus i feel cruel hearing her cry :( advice and help please!

OP posts:

Paschaelina · 11/07/2011 21:23

Please pick her up. Its not doing her or you any good at all to be crying for an hour or more.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 11/07/2011 21:24

Find a way that works for you rather than leaving your poor dd to cry and cry.

I found a kind of gradual retreat technique worked well and wasn't stressful for any of us with our ds's.

TartyMcFarty · 11/07/2011 21:25

All I can say is that for us - we were in the same situation - it has just happened with no intervention. Is she in a daytime sleep routine? Sorry, not v helpful, but don't give up hope that it will just fall into place one of these days.

K999 · 11/07/2011 21:25

It is hard! Do you have a routine? I did CC with dd2 but it involves a lot of work and perseverance. And you only leave them to cry for a few mins at a time. You have to do the same routine every night. I was pretty rigid and had a routine every day, which I stuck to but it did pay off. After 3 nights she would sleep 7-7 without a peep.

oohjarWhatsit · 11/07/2011 21:28

i wouldnt let a baby cry like that, comfort her

Sirzy · 11/07/2011 21:29

You need to find a method that works for you and your DD. It is easy for a HV to say to leave her to cry but she isn't there having to listen to it.

Good luck!

K999 · 11/07/2011 21:31

Have you been in at all since 8.15?

joric · 11/07/2011 21:32

DD didnt like being left so I used to sit with DD and rest my hand on the side of her head and stroke her forehead. I wouldnt take to her at all. She does need calming IMO - get comfortable next to her cot and try it. I also used to say shhhh shhhh about a zillion times - almost until I was asleep. I'm not for leaving them to cry :(

noddyholder · 11/07/2011 21:32

I also did CC It was a life saver. Please don't leave her getting distressed there are other ways x

joric · 11/07/2011 21:33

talk not take

Groovee · 11/07/2011 21:36

try googling the pick up put down method or the no cry sleep solutions. I did CC with dd but couldn't do it with ds as he was a completely different child but dd was nearly 2 when I did it.

AuntiePickleBottom · 11/07/2011 21:38

i did the pick up put down method with dd, may work with your DC

Waswildatheart · 11/07/2011 21:41

I found if I sat quietly, sometimes back patting, not giving any eye contact or encouragement in the room my DC's eventually settled. It was less traumatic for us both and helped them to learn to settle themselves. I have to say that we were very lucky as it wasn't too traumatic and they did not take too long to get the idea. It is hard and goes the grain but I think it is worth feeling the pain for the greater gain!

Original poster

BabbyEdensMummy · 11/07/2011 21:42

i went in to see her as she went quiet but she was sat up with her head down sobibng quielty so i had to pick her up, im not going to leave her like that again, its upset me, but the HV said just to leave her as going in just makes her scream more when theres nothing wrong with her but i think thats cruel, will try like some of you have said going in regulary. feel so tired and i know she cant carry on in our bed as i cant sleep properly then as im worried about rolling on her, covers on her face, etc,etc. i picked her up n cuddled her and she fell straight asleep so ive put her back in her cot. what shall i try tomorow night? she doesnt really nap during the day either

OP posts:

OnlyMe1971 · 11/07/2011 21:46

Poor you and poor baby. Try and find a book by Elizabeth Pantley (I think) called "the No Cry Sleep Solution" - it's a softly softly aproach... she's still so small!

BethanRebecca · 11/07/2011 21:47

DS used to be exactly the same, and it was awful! now he goes down with a bottle, a terrible habit to be in i know, but he goes down without a sound now! It is really hard, but like other people have said, you will find a way that works for you all!

Good Luck!

K999 · 11/07/2011 21:55

I would say at her age she prob needs a nap in the day. She may over tired when it comes to night time. Do you follow a bed time routine? Ie dinner, play, bath, quiet time, bottle, story, bed??

YoungMotherTubby · 11/07/2011 21:57

It's very distressing for you and baby to leave baby crying -so don't do it. With my first DC I left him to cry, taking on advice of others, and it broke my heart, but stuck with it. With the next 3 kids I was so exhausted with looking after 4 and working that I did whatever I could so they would sleep and so could I. This meant bringing them in beside me - eventually they grew out of it. Currently I have a 17 month old whose cot is beside my bed and 5 nights out of 7 she is brought in beside me - and does the cycling in her sleep movements and trouncing about the bed!

My first 4 kids are already or almost teenagers and are mortified now that they wanted to sleep 'beside mummy' when they were little.
Coincidentally - or perhaps not - my oldest is quite remote from me and keeps things to himself whereas the others are very open - and I wonder if this was because he was left to cry. (or maybe I'm overanalysing)

Anyway many ladies on here will tell you how normal it is to have baby sleeping in same bed as you.

Original poster

BabbyEdensMummy · 11/07/2011 22:03

thanks for all your advice, i work self employed so my hours are all over the place so its hard for me to have a set routine for her during the day but in evenings we do have a routine, with either me, my dp or both of us, get in around 6. plays toys with my dp as he hasnt seen her all day around 6,30pm dinner, 7.15pm ish bath, change, litle massage, and read her story, milk at 8ish. but she seems to get second wind and want to be up playing...i do agree with she may be over tired, but ive tried getitng her to sleep during day as she doesnt have any of it she just wants to point (her new favourite thing!) at everything and play, some days she does have a good nap, if not its just a cat nap 15mins or so throughout the day,shes always been like that, too nosy ;)

OP posts:

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 11/07/2011 22:03

At 1 year old, both of my ds's were having daytime naps, then asleep in bed by 7pm. If your dd's not sleeping at all in the day she must be shattered.

I found that if you could sort the days, the nights all fell into place. I put any social plans on hold until we were in a routine, then slotted in socialising around that. It doesn't suit everybody but it worked for me.

Good luck

K999 · 11/07/2011 22:04

What time does she get up in the morning? Is it the same time every morning?

K999 · 11/07/2011 22:05

Totally agree with Wishing.....

K999 · 11/07/2011 22:06

Iwasmoreorganised that is!!

Original poster

BabbyEdensMummy · 11/07/2011 22:08

also shes a very fussy eater, so its hard to get her to eat alot, so im worried shes hungry at night, i try give her lots of healthy finger foods as she refuses to be fed with a spoon, few mouthfuls at tops if shes in a good mood, but give her a bottle and she will demolish it so shes very head strong on what she wants! they say sleeping and eating is very closly linked thats why thought might be worht mentioning it

OP posts:

K999 · 11/07/2011 22:11

Dd2 hardly ate much at that age...lots of finger foods but would demolish a bottle too! She was still on 3-4 bottles at that age. Big one in the morning, smallish one mid morning and afternoon then big bottle before bed. I didn't worry about the amount she ate. As long as she was taking milk etc she did ok.

Flip

1 2