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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stand up to MIL on DH's behalf.

44 replies

MugglesandLuna · 07/07/2011 20:35

DS1 is having an end of year assembly/prize giving. The last few years have been a bit of a fiasco with regards to seating so the school have inroduced a 2 tickets per child policy.

DH and I were going to go, but now MIL has demanded she be able to go. She stated that she thought I would give her my ticket (which I wont) so that she can go with DH. When I said I didnt want to do this DH said she could have hers.

DH and his Mum have had a rocky relationship in the past. She had two children very close together. It is very obvious she prefers DH's brother and she completely ignored DH through most of his childhood until we had DS1 when suddenly she couldnt get enough of him. DH still want s to please her so will let her walk all over him.

DH wants to go, DS wants him to go. DH doesnt want me to stand up to MIL because he doesnt want to upset her.

AIBU to tell her she cant come and we are going together.

OP posts:
CQrrrneee · 07/07/2011 20:36

not at all - she sounds like a nightmare

bumpybecky · 07/07/2011 20:36

YANBU to tell her

would be better if DH did, but if he really can't face it then it would be better if you did than didn't and made the three of you miserable

hugeleyoutnumbered · 07/07/2011 20:38

why won't he stand up to her, tell her no, thats final, sounds like you have your hands full with that one

Shakirasma · 07/07/2011 20:40

Your DH needs a serious talking to. This assembly is all about his son, but he would let the poor boy down before his mother??

Your DH needs to grow a backbone, start acting like a father and tell his mother no!

DoMeDon · 07/07/2011 20:41

What are her reasons for demanding to go? It's not your place to stand up to her here IMO - DH would benefit from learning to do without her approval.

Original poster
MugglesandLuna · 07/07/2011 20:43

Its so difficult because she was just so horrid and critical that he just wants to please her. I know he needs to stand up to her but its really difficult. She is a real nightmare and we have to try and sheild the children from her because she treats our boys exactly the same and DD totally differently (like she does DH's brother)

OP posts:
onebigchocolatemess · 07/07/2011 20:44

He is your - ie you and DH's - SON

no contest, you would be letting him down by not going with his wishes

YAMDNBU

Original poster
MugglesandLuna · 07/07/2011 20:45

She is demanding to go because DS is getting an award and he is her grandson (her words). She turned on the waterworks which is why DH gave it. She is very manipulative.

OP posts:
RunAwayWife · 07/07/2011 20:45

Tell her it is parents only

worraliberty · 07/07/2011 20:46

Just go with your DH and video it for your MIL

Or is it the type of school that buys into mass hysteria and bans the parents from videoing/photography?

HerHissyness · 07/07/2011 20:47

Ask DH to ask DS who he would like to see watch his assembly.

Abide by DS decision.

I did this with DS this year. He is 5. I asked him if he wanted me and his GM (who he adores) to go on holiday this year with him, or him and I.

He said he wanted it just to be us. I agreed with him. It would have changed the dynamic and we had such a great time last year together, i really didn't want to ruin it. I said nothing to him about my thoughts, but asked him what he wanted.

My mum understood.

Ask DH to put himself in DS shoes, ask him to remember who HE wanted to be proud of him, the answer to that will be the parents. i.e. YOU and DH.

Don't allow others to over-rule something like this.

Speak to DH, speak to DS, and then say to MIL, we only have 2 tickets available to us, we both want to go and DS wants to see us both there. We can't over-rule his decision, as it's about HIM.

The only other thing you could do, if you feel so inclined to do so, is to ask any parents that would not be needing the second ticket to buy one anyway and you can pass it to MIL...

Original poster
MugglesandLuna · 07/07/2011 20:49

worraliberty - we are banned from taking photos/videos, so only so we can buy it at £5 a pop.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 07/07/2011 20:52

tell her it will cost her £5 then... and tell her (ie get your husband to tell her) that there are only 2 tickets, and your childs PARENTS take precedence over anyone else...

flaine · 07/07/2011 20:53

Your Mil should not even be involved in the discussion on your DC's assembly
.
She is not invited. End of.

What a cheek, she wants to go instead of youConfused

Original poster
MugglesandLuna · 07/07/2011 20:54

Im dialling now, wish me luck!

OP posts:
AurraSing · 07/07/2011 20:55

Give her the details of the DVD she can buy, or tell her that it is very unlikely that DS will receive any awards so you don't want her to waste her time. Grin

I wouldn't be the one to tell her she is not going. Your DH is a grown up and needs to tell her. It will cause years of problems if he doesn't.

DoMeDon · 07/07/2011 20:57

He will always give in and you will always jump to rescue him. Let him take this one. Remind him that her behaviour is not due to him - it's all on her. Let the mad bint cry.

DogsBestFriend · 07/07/2011 20:58

As you dial, remember the words, "DH and I are going to watch OUR SON, so you can't on this occasion".

Or just "NO!!!!" if you prefer. Don't take any shit from MIL!

Original poster
MugglesandLuna · 07/07/2011 20:59

She hung up on me Angry

OP posts:
AurraSing · 07/07/2011 21:00

She'll get over it. Does she behave like this with her other son and his family?

onebigchocolatemess · 07/07/2011 21:01

OMG what happened? What did you say??

Shakirasma · 07/07/2011 21:03

Oh well. At least it's been said and she knows shes not going. now you and DH and your son can look forward to the prize giving.

Let her have her tantrum, your son will be happy and that really is what matters.

DogsBestFriend · 07/07/2011 21:04

"She hung up on me". Angry

Shock

Well, that just proves that she's even more rude than you gave her credit for!

Dammit, had I suspected that she'd hang up on you I'd have encouraged you to tell her, "You aren't going, get that into your thick head!".

I bet you wish I had now!

LineRunner · 07/07/2011 21:08

There will plenty of school events and productions over the years, some of which you will have to pay for, and some of which you will (trust me) really not want to go to ... so there will be loads of stuff for MiL in the future.

flaine · 07/07/2011 21:09

She hung up on you Shock. The perfect excuse to leave the ball in her court. Enjoy the assembly with your DH.

Please don't get into petty mind games with her. Rise above it and let her call you first.