To stand up to MIL on DH's behalf.

[MugglesandLuna]

DS1 is having an end of year assembly/prize giving. The last few years have been a bit of a fiasco with regards to seating so the school have inroduced a 2 tickets per child policy.

DH and I were going to go, but now MIL has demanded she be able to go. She stated that she thought I would give her my ticket (which I wont) so that she can go with DH. When I said I didnt want to do this DH said she could have hers.

DH and his Mum have had a rocky relationship in the past. She had two children very close together. It is very obvious she prefers DH's brother and she completely ignored DH through most of his childhood until we had DS1 when suddenly she couldnt get enough of him. DH still want s to please her so will let her walk all over him.

DH wants to go, DS wants him to go. DH doesnt want me to stand up to MIL because he doesnt want to upset her.

AIBU to tell her she cant come and we are going together.

She sounds like a fucking nightmare

Bloody hell, what a horrible woman.

I bet she still turns up at the school y'know. Does she actually have the paper ticket, or do you still have both?

Am I alone in not remembering any of my GPs at school events?

In fact I´m sure my Dad wouldn´t have been at any daytime events!

And how sad that in his determination to please his mum he would rather upset his wife & child.

He´s an adult, he shouldn´t be trying to please mummy!

Well done for standing up to her.

My DC's school often has tickets left over and we get one of those for my MIL if available. I would suggest you try that, but as your MIL is being so rude and difficult about it maybe you shouldn't bother.

You are NOT being unreasonable - she is.

All you have done is play along in her drama. What did you expect the outcome to be? She's not going to suddenly change and be the MIL your family want. The only way to deal is to detach from the drama and not engage. Your Dh needs to learn this and develop some self-esteem.

The reason she hung up on you is because she knows that she will get nowhere arguing or trying to emotionally blackmail you. But be aware that she will be on your DHs back twice as heavy now to prove that she has the control over him.

Trust me, it happened to me with my ex MIL. She would ignore me if things didnt go the way she wanted but be on the phone to DH giving him even more crap to try and show me who was boss!

Muggles my mil has a habit of hanging up when she does not get her own way. It is horrible. I hate it as I hate tension and being manipulated but I have very clear boundaries with her.

Take the hanging up as a clear sign that she does not wish to discuss the options.

This worked for us one Christmas. twice mil slammed phone down due to not getting her own way. So we made our own arrangements and pleased ourselves. She could not believe it when she rang a few days before Christmas all sweetness and light and we said (all surprised ) oh but you kept hanging up on us, we assumed you didn't want to see us.

You now have the moral high ground. Unless your dh is also very unreasonable (and it sounds as if he just wants to avoid conflict with his mother; my dh used to be a bit "scared" of his mother getting upset), you can now both go to the event with a clear conscience. Hopefully dh will realise that nothing awful will happen, his mother is just being silly/manipulative.

Blimey, YADNBU.

I was going to ask if you knew any parents who would only use one of their tickets, or if you asked school would there be any spares available, but as she's hung up on you I really wouldn't bother.

Really!

Surely she should be able to understand that if a child has 2 supportive parents who wish to attend then they attend. No arguments.

Just a warning that if you (or more likely) dh "give in" to her now, then you will have years of her sulking to get her own way. It is a very immature way for a (presumably) late middle-aged or elderly woman to conduct herself.
You and your dh need to have a clear discussion about her behaviour. Dh and I wasted many hours discussing and arguing over his mother until we finally reached a sort of solution.
If you don't reach an agreement, this will happen every concert every event etc etc. You will come to dread school plays and other occasions that you should be looking forward to with your ds, unless you and dh can reach a solution.

PLEASE DON'T GIVE IN! My MIL is also very challenging and mostly extremely rude and insulting to her daughter who is my DP. When I first met her I was absolutely astounded that someone's mother could behave like that (call me naive!). She is elderly and needs help so lives close to us now. It is very hard as I have taken on a caring sort of role as she has literally noone else to help her. However, both my DP and I challenge her every time she is rude and nasty, sometimes it works and she apologises and sometimes it doesnt but it is the only way! Don't give in to her. SHE is being unreasonable!

stand up to her. say sorry no but your ds has chosen for daddy to come. maybe next time... when hell freezes over

you are standing up for your ds here, not dh, if he gives in it is his choice but ds wants daddy so daddy it is.

I can't understand the problem. You have two tickets your child has two parents, there is no discussion, both parents go. Not the grandmother.

She gets a £5 pic.

bogeyface, that rings so true... had an issue over wedding related stuff. h would agree with me then chaange his mind after discussing with his mum... grr..

Have you actually said the following words to your mother in law?

Do you really belive you should go instead of his actual parents? Why do you think you deserve to go more than the people who gave him life?

What happened in the end OP?

come back and tell us what happened . we need to know .