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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is outdated and actually discriminatory?

71 replies

RevoltingPeasant · 03/07/2011 21:10

I registered with a new GP on Friday, and as part of the form, you have to fill in your marital status. The options are:

-single
-married
-divorced
-widowed

...That's it. I co-habit (in bureaucratspeak, anyway!) and I'd hazard a guess that a fair number of other people do, too. But there is no way to record this. And, even worse, there is no box for 'civil partnership'.

I'd have thought that they want to record this info to see whether you live with anyone (in case you need help) and to determine next-of-kin rights in an emergency. So leaving cohabitees out is a bad idea, but leaving civil partners out is surely a big problem.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Tchootnika · 03/07/2011 21:12

YANB at all U.
I think you should point this out at GPs.

DoMeDon · 03/07/2011 21:12

YABU - clue is in title - marital status. You are single, civil partners are married.

MavisEnderby · 03/07/2011 21:13

yep used to piss me right off.dp and I "co habited" for 15 years.Hate widowed even more though:(Don't get me started on being a cohabitee when your loved one dies.)

oohjarWhatsit · 03/07/2011 21:14

do some people look for things to be annoyed about

then feel annoyed when they cant find anything :)

LindyHemming · 03/07/2011 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MavisEnderby · 03/07/2011 21:16

Well I guess I'm not TECHNICALLY widowed then,Domedon??Funny that,after 15 years it sure as hell FEELS like it.Hmm

BluddyMoFo · 03/07/2011 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 03/07/2011 21:20

DoMeDon but a civil partnership is not a marriage, and I'm not sure people in a CP would necessarily put that down.

ohjar It isn't nothing. I have to go in for abdominal surgery shortly, and whether or not I am married to DP would affect whether he could make decisions for me if something goes wrong, and even whether he could see me if I get really bad. So actually if you are in a civil partnership and don't tick that box because you don't think it applies to you legally, you could end up being separated from your partner at the worst time.

Surely?

OP posts:
MavisEnderby · 03/07/2011 21:25

I think most wards will make allowances if your oh states you are the first point of contact,RP,TBH.i still think its shiteola that cohabiting doesn't have its own little tickbox though.x

springbokscantjump · 03/07/2011 21:45

He can't make decisions for you regardless of whether you are married or not. His views as your partner would be taken into consideration but legally your doctors have final say in cases where you can't consent. The only person who can consent for you (as an adult) is someone who you have signed legal power of attorney to.

MavisEnderby · 03/07/2011 21:53

But if you are admitted to hospital he would be the first point of contact if you have put that down on the careplan when the nursing staff admit you x,right re the decision thing,but in terms of contacting,if heaven forbid they needed you to be there etc you would be if it is stated that he is that person.

MrsDePoint · 03/07/2011 21:59

YABU, you're either married or you're not. Marriage is a legal relationship. If you want your relationship to be recognised legally, get married. If you don't, don't get married. Simple as that.

threefeethighandrising · 03/07/2011 22:01

YANBU, it is very old-fashioned.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 03/07/2011 22:03

MrsDePoint, I think you're missing the point (see what I did there? Grin).

You're not either married or not. Some people are in civil partnerships which are legally not the same as marriages. There is no place for them to register this. These have existed for years now and I don't know why they can't just change their forms.

Also, in terms of knowing whether someone is being supported at home or not, 'single' doesn't really cover it in a world where lots and lots of people cohabit.

OP posts:
MrsDePoint · 03/07/2011 22:11

People who are in civil partnerships could just tick "married". It's hardly a big deal. As for your support at home, it's a check-list, not a life story. There is also no box for "married to a selfish prick / useless alcoholic" which would be equally useful information.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 03/07/2011 22:13

Yeah I know, I just think it's discriminatory. I mean, when CPs came in people made this huge deal about how they weren't 'real marriages' - and now they're just supposed to pretend to be married.

The support at home thing does matter when you're having surgery - it would've affected which hospital I went to as the consultant didn't want me to be recuperating alone if possible....

OP posts:
threefeethighandrising · 03/07/2011 22:14

How's this for an old fashioned form. While looking for work recently I came across an agency which asked on its standard form for temps. They kick off by asking for "Christian name", then go on to ask:

  • marital status
  • number of dependants
  • no of children
  • ages
  • do you have childminding facilities available if required?
Shock

This is in addition to a question about availability.

What business is it of theirs how old my children are?! Is that really going to be used to assess my suitability for work, and if so how?

form online here

I didn't apply, purely because of this.

Birdsgottafly · 03/07/2011 22:16

Leave that bit empty and when asked just reply that none of them applied to your living situation. It is used just to gather data. It builds statisics (which are then flawed because of lack of detail).

You will do a care plan with your key nurse which will state who you want contacting and who you consider your next of kin. You should have filled more detailed forms in the GP's, stating this also.

LatteLady · 03/07/2011 22:20

Threefeethigh... And they cannot ask you about your health either - Employment Act 2010.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 03/07/2011 22:26

Birds they didn't ask expect on that one form. But I will make sure the nurses on the ward know before I go in. I didn't know about the care plan: it is in just a few days and they haven't said anything about that yet.

threefeet that is unbelievable. 'Christian name' - wtf?? Agree with LatteLady that that is illegal: I just had to go through a really pointless online tutorial about recruitment law since I'm interviewing applicants soon and I am pretty sure she is right.

OP posts:
Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 03/07/2011 22:27

except Blush

OP posts:
springbokscantjump · 03/07/2011 22:46

The care plan is done on your admission. The nurses sit with you and go through all sorts of questions for their paperwork, including who they should contact.

cat64 · 03/07/2011 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SurreyDad · 04/07/2011 00:20

I think for people like doctors and nurses who have the requirement to treat people equally written into their code of conducts, they can be the worst for actually doing so.

SposeIOughtToNameChange · 04/07/2011 00:27

YABU - it asked for marital status and the only possible options were given.
Asking for more options is U, however asking for a different question would be NU i.e. 'relationship status' or 'support network status'.
But then there'd be a thread about how downright nosey DRs forms are these days.

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