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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I facilitate enough or not?

32 replies

WinkyWinkola · 03/07/2011 10:39

Yesterday was sports days at dcs school. They are 6, 4 and 20 months. The elder two had to be there at 10.30.

I had a waxing appointment at 8.30am. I was back at 9.40am. We had to leave at 10.10am.

Before I left, I made sure dcs had breakfast, all their kit was ironed and laid out ready to put on and that the picnic was in a distinct part of fridge all together. It justhad to be transplanted into a cool bag at 10am.

All dh had to do in 90 minutes was dress the baby, supervise the older two getting dressed, get dressed himself and clear away breakfast table.

It was a big stress for him apparently and I was bang out of order for having that appointment when I did. I was out of the house for one hour and ten minutes. He keeps going on about it as if I've committed a major crime.

Was I by or is he being a drip?

OP posts:
bruxeur · 03/07/2011 10:40

Dick.

AmberLeaf · 03/07/2011 10:40

DH is a drip.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 03/07/2011 10:41

So bascially, your husband has said to you that he is an incompetent person who is incapable of functioning as an adult taking care of things without you?

Perhaps if you put it that way...

irishqueen · 03/07/2011 10:43

Arse

irishqueen · 03/07/2011 10:43

Arse

FranSanDisco · 03/07/2011 10:45

Don't start me on non-parent parents!!! Your DH along with my DH are simply to be told to 'fuck off' followed by silence.

Raffeta · 03/07/2011 10:45

I think a reaction like that warrants a spa weekend break away. For you and some mates.

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 03/07/2011 10:47

Ah. You see, I believe he likes to make out he can't manage three children so I do everything and so that he can bolster his case against having another.

He wouldn't mind being described as imcompetent.

OP posts:
TotalChaos · 03/07/2011 10:48

he obviously doesn't spend enough time solely responsible for the kids if he finds that stressful. don't fall into the trap of avoiding having time out.

peeriebear · 03/07/2011 10:48

FFS. I had work on Friday while DH finished early; he then had to collect DD1 and her friend from school, DD2 from nursery, walk them home via the park then cook them dinner. I was supposed to be back in time to help with dinner but decided to go to -gasp!- the pub with a friend after work. Did he complain? No he bloody didn't because he is a competent reasonable man and they are His Children Too!

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 03/07/2011 10:51

Yes but he works hard every day in the City. He got back from work at midnight. Slept until 8am. I was up at 5 with the baby.

I hate weekends. He makes such a drama out of everything. It's SO much easier to manage when he's not here.

OP posts:
DogsBestFriend · 03/07/2011 10:53

"He wouldn't mind being described as imcompetent."

How about being described as a wanker instead? Would that fit the bill? :o

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 03/07/2011 10:54

If he wouldn't mind incompetent, how would he feel about 'pathetic'?

Seriously? works in the city? So ... deadlines? decisions? pressure?

And he can't get a baby dressed in 90 minutes?

Taking. The. Piss.

liger · 03/07/2011 11:12

It's not about your facilitating, it's about him being used to dealing with his own children. Anything is difficult if you are not used to doing it, he needs more time alone with them.

My 3 dc's are a similar age, my dh takes them for several hours most Sunday mornings to let me get some exercise and time to be me. He also has a stressful job, travels alot for work but still has managed to do that, since the youngest was 4 or 5 months old.

skybluepearl · 03/07/2011 11:30

an hour and ten is enough for all to get changed and tidy away breakfast things. was he trying to do other things too?

AmberLeaf · 03/07/2011 11:57

Oh so this is like my 14 yr old sons attempts to wash the dishes poorly so I have to do it and dont ask him again?

That didnt work and neither should your DHs attemtps.

ASByatt · 03/07/2011 12:08

'I hate weekends. He makes such a drama out of everything. It's SO much easier to manage when he's not here.'

  • So talk me though why you want to have more dc with this man, then?
Omigawd · 03/07/2011 13:23

I know a few " regulation 4 kids" City families, here is the deal:

  • DH works flat out and returns home exhausted at weekends
  • DW is a SAHM and does all the childcare and household management, and gets stuff like waxing done in the week. Weekends are to tend to exhausted DH and keep the kids out his hair until they all get sent to boarding school

The upside is the money, the downside is the very Olde Fashioned roles.

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 03/07/2011 14:35

Yeah well I don't think I don't want any more with him. Even whether to be with him.

OP posts:
ChaoticAngelinLimbo · 03/07/2011 14:40

You could inform him that if he finds it so difficult to manage on his own the only way to improve on this so he does become competent is to do it more often. After all, practice makes perfect Wink

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 04/07/2011 18:36

Well, update. He's now apologised for being vile about it all. And has offered for me to have a weekend away by myself. Completely unnecessary and over compensating but a nice gesture.

It's weird but he always gets extremely bad tempered and tense when it's a Sunday.

I know - he agrees - it's because he usually Skypes his parents on that day with the children. Sometimes he can do it, sometimes he hasn't got time. And when he does do it, the dcs seem to play up no end. Not because they don't want to Skype but because they can Grin.

Anyway, he says he feels stressed, guilty, obligated, bound by duty etc. I do wonder why a grown man feels so anxious about his parents in that way. I'm not at all sympathetic to his 'plight' because I think he should just tell his parents not to have any expectations - he'll do it if he can. His mother might cry though, if he doesn't. Sigh.

OP posts:
Taffeta · 04/07/2011 20:07

Take the weekend away. Really. Do it.

Sounds like MIL is a PITA. Would you consider incentivising the darling DC to behave during the Skype call?

follyfoot · 04/07/2011 20:10

He was deffo being unreasonable but then you did use the word 'facilitate' in your title so I'm going to say you were VVU

Grin
MrsDePoint · 04/07/2011 20:17

I agree with Taffeta - take the weekend away. The more time your DH spends with the DCs on his own, the less he'll moan about it.

How long is the Skype call? Seems a real pity that it's spoiling your Sunday. I'd let MIL cry if that's the choice.

Conundrumish · 04/07/2011 20:17

I would move the skype call to a Friday evening so that frees up the week-end for you all.

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