Did I facilitate enough or not?

[WinkyWinkola]

Yesterday was sports days at dcs school. They are 6, 4 and 20 months. The elder two had to be there at 10.30.

I had a waxing appointment at 8.30am. I was back at 9.40am. We had to leave at 10.10am.

Before I left, I made sure dcs had breakfast, all their kit was ironed and laid out ready to put on and that the picnic was in a distinct part of fridge all together. It justhad to be transplanted into a cool bag at 10am.

All dh had to do in 90 minutes was dress the baby, supervise the older two getting dressed, get dressed himself and clear away breakfast table.

It was a big stress for him apparently and I was bang out of order for having that appointment when I did. I was out of the house for one hour and ten minutes. He keeps going on about it as if I've committed a major crime.

Was I by or is he being a drip?

Follyfoot, I LOVE the word 'facilitate'. Ah well. What else could I have used?

If I go away for the weekend, then I will spend the whole time knowing he won't be doing very well. Mind you, the dcs adore him so perhaps it'll all be fine.

Yeah, mil will cry. She doesn't really do a lot else apart from look at photos of the gcs. Shame really as she's only 57. I've completely stepped away from that relationship as whatever I do makes come across as the baddie if I don't do what it is that she wants.

Dh will change day/time of Skyping but I think it's more complicated than that - he feels a lot of guilt about his parents. I think it's weird but unless it impacts me and the dcs, it's his problem. I've tried to help him with it but I think he's been very well brainwashed trained by them to be more than dutiful.

I used to be a facilitator!

You really should go, Winky. Whats the worst that can happen? Sure, you'll com,e back to a tip of a house, no food, washing up everywhere, behind massively on the washing, but it will be a great bonding experience for them all. My DH is always way, way better with the DC (for about 2 weeks ) after he has spent the 2 weeks summer holiday away with them.

My mother has similar traits to your MIL and DH finds it very hard to understand as his parents are so hands off to the point of standoffishness. I empathise with your DH on that point. But still say take the bloody weekend away!!!!

Well, I look into it then.

How do you handle your mother, Taffeta?

he feels guilt and responsibility towards his parents... and its clearly stressing him out.

but you've "stepped away from that relationship".

hmm... wonder why DH is stressed then?

can you not have a bit of empathy for him?

Sundays difficult in our house too as DH starts working again and realising what a stressful week he has ahead (he also works silly hours) - do you think thats some of it with your DH?

"can you not have a bit of empathy for him?"

Not really, not anymore because they say stuff to make him feel guilty and inadequate wrt the gcs and he doesn't stand up for himself. I've stood up for him and for myself on many the occasion. It's exhausting, they are demanding and unreasonable.

But I won't allow him to be vile to me and our dcs every weekend because he refuses - so far - to actively deal with the emotional blackmail they put on him.

She's not as bad as your MIL by the sound of things, Winky. But how do I handle her? Primarily avoidance mixed with just the right amount of busyness, feigned interest and knowing exactly where the tipping point is.