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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being slightly precious here?

39 replies

nextchapter · 29/06/2011 17:57

It was DH's parents 50th wedding anniversary seven months ago, they had a party thing, to which my parents were invited and gave them a cheque for around £250 as a gift.

I just got a text off DH's mother saying that she went to cash said cheque today but as it had been so long since it had been given it had lapsed and the bank refused, she then asked me to ask my parents to write her another one.

I personally feel uncomfortable with this, as frankly my parents were incredibly generous with my PILs, I felt, and it is not their problem that MIL has took seven months to take the cheque to the bank.

AIBU to not ask them to rewrite the cheque

OP posts:

Eglu · 29/06/2011 17:58

YANBU. Very rude to ask.

strandedbear · 29/06/2011 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WowOoo · 29/06/2011 17:59

No, they clearly don't need the money. How rude!

I would tell her my parents don't have the funds anymore, sorry.

Fatimalovesbread · 29/06/2011 17:59

YANBU if she wanted/needed to money she would have got round to cashing it before 7 months!

Flisspaps · 29/06/2011 17:59

YANBU. DH's sister wrote us a lovely cheque for our wedding present to 'The Happy Couple' - no names, so clearly we couldn't cash it at the bank. We didn't ask for another one, it's sitting with all our wedding memorabilia.

It's MIL/FILs fault for not cashing it in good time.

travellingwilbury · 29/06/2011 17:59

I would just ask your parents to write another chq . The effort of writing another one is a bit less annoying than losing £250 .

I know they are silly for not banking it earlier but maybe they left it until they knew what they were going to spend the money on so it didn't just get lost in day to day expenses .

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/06/2011 18:00

I'd feign ignorance at the text and if your PIL bring it up then ask them to get in touch with your parents directly. It's not for you to do and really, if they hadn't cashed the cheque within six months (which must have elapsed), they're out of luck.

See if your PIL have the bad manners to ask your parents for another cheque... they probably won't. Stay out of it completely, don't get involved at all.

Karbea · 29/06/2011 18:00

Yanbu they are being very rude to ask.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/06/2011 18:01

Flisspaps... I did similar myself... wrote my mother a cheque for something, with payee as 'Mum'. I couldn't see anything wrong with it, the bank did though... embarrassing.

JamieAgain · 29/06/2011 18:02

That's a tricky one. It would deffo annoy me and I think they are embarrassed enough about this that they don't ask your parents directly
(which they should).

But your parents gave them the money (a lot of money, blimey!) so they must have wanted them to have it.

I don't really know what I'd do. Maybe leave it 'til your IL are forced to ask your parents themselves or do without

Gooseberrybushes · 29/06/2011 18:04

I think it's rude too. I think your reaction is normal.

gethelp · 29/06/2011 18:04

How awkward, some people take your breath away. If your DH won't tell them they're being crass, I would make him write them a cheque. Your parents gave the money in good faith and it's really nothing to do with you. I hope your PIL wrote them a thank you at the time.

NorthernGobshite · 29/06/2011 18:04

I would give her their phone number, suggest she ask them herself and then leave them to it.

JamieAgain · 29/06/2011 18:05

NorthernGobshite - I think you are right. Don't get in the middle of it.

Original poster

nextchapter · 29/06/2011 18:07

I think I will just pass on my parents number tbh, if I ignore the text MIL is only likely to ring. So awkward

OP posts:

travellingwilbury · 29/06/2011 18:09

Would your parents really mind ? I honestly don't understand why this is such a big deal .

I know it is a bit awkward and yes they should have banked it earlier but £250 is a lot of money to most people . Did your parents not notice that it hadn't gone out of their account ?

It is also a hell of a lot of money to give to someone as a gift for an anniversary .

If your parents need some new friends to spoil I am available .

onadifferentplanettoday · 29/06/2011 18:11

Have your parents not commented in the last seven months that it hasn't gone through their account?

camdancer · 29/06/2011 18:12

Is there a reason they left it so long to pay the cheque in? Lost it? Didn't see it in the card? Had a dreadful 7 months and that was the last thing on their minds? Anything that would mean it wasn't just sheer apathy.

I forgot to pay a cheque in from my granny when DS was first born. In all the fog of a new baby I had just put the cheque in a sensible place to deal with later and completely forgot. Luckily she phoned me about 4 months later to remind me as it hadn't gone out of her account. I was very, very embarrassed.

Hullygully · 29/06/2011 18:14

Tell them that tragically your parents have recently exploded and so are unable to help. Then hide.

Original poster

nextchapter · 29/06/2011 18:15

I don't know if they noticed, they have fairly active accounts so I don't know how close an eye they would keep on an expected amount to leave, if you get me

OP posts:

quimbledonsemi · 29/06/2011 18:17

This happened to dh with a very generous cheque he got from his auntie for his birthday. Not that he forgot to cash it as such just that he put the card up and put the cheque back in the empty envelope and I threw it away with all the other card envelopes .
He phoned up very sheepishly and told her what had happened and she sent him another which he cashed straight away!
I think they are certainly being unreasonable to get you to ask your parents. Like a pp said - give them their number and they can explain what happened and ask for themselves.

marycorporate · 29/06/2011 18:17

YANBU how flippin ruuuude. To assume that they will manage their finances to just have the £250 floating around for when their whim demands they cash it is just awful!!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/06/2011 18:18

snort at Hully... yes, say that, OP.

Perhaps your parents just assumed that the money had gone out of their accounts and didn't bother to check.

G1nger · 29/06/2011 18:19

YANBU. I'm in the "they should have banked it earlier" camp - I think it's very rude not to. And then to ask you to request another - like they're only interested in the money and not in the fact that they could treat it (if they so chose) as an opportunity to catch up with your parents themselves.

travellingwilbury · 29/06/2011 18:22

Well it looks like I am on my own here , thinking it is an ok thing to ask of someone .

I do know it is odd they haven't banked it already but as I said maybe they kept it somewhere safe until they decided what they are going to spend it on . I know if I get money for birthdays I have to spend it quickly or it goes on something fun like food shopping .

Have they told you what they are spending the money on btw ?

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