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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being slightly precious here?

39 replies

nextchapter · 29/06/2011 17:57

It was DH's parents 50th wedding anniversary seven months ago, they had a party thing, to which my parents were invited and gave them a cheque for around £250 as a gift.

I just got a text off DH's mother saying that she went to cash said cheque today but as it had been so long since it had been given it had lapsed and the bank refused, she then asked me to ask my parents to write her another one.

I personally feel uncomfortable with this, as frankly my parents were incredibly generous with my PILs, I felt, and it is not their problem that MIL has took seven months to take the cheque to the bank.

AIBU to not ask them to rewrite the cheque

OP posts:
PaisleyLeaf · 29/06/2011 18:41

I hate it when people leave it ages to cash a cheque. I used to have a landlord that did that - it really messed things about for me.

I agree that you should just pass on the number for them to ask themselves.
But really, I think after leaving it so long - they've forfeited that gift.

TidyDancer · 29/06/2011 18:45

I don't think it's massively unreasonable of them to ask, but they certainly have asked the wrong person. They should be going directly to your parents, you do not need to be piggy in the middle here.

G1nger · 29/06/2011 19:01

I once gave a £50 cheque to Cancer Research, in honour of my friend's death. It took them a couple of months to cash that: to me, it was quite a lot of money at the time, and also I hardly needed the 'hey, remember your friend has died?' message it therefore gave me again when I saw it had finally gone out.

EricNorthmansMistress · 29/06/2011 19:41

TravellingWilbury - you just can't do that with a cheque! Not a personal cheque anyway! The person budgets to give you the money atthepoint when they hand over the cheque, not up to 6 months later. It would be incredibly thoughtless to intentionally fail to cash a cheque that someone has given you as a gift.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/06/2011 19:43

I think the only thing to do when you receive a cheque is to cash it immediately and if you don't know what to buy, put the cash in an envelope and in a drawer until you do find something.

muriel76 · 29/06/2011 19:52

"If your parents need some new friends to spoil I am available ."

travellingwilbury perhaps I can introduce you to my cousins who when our grandma died failed to pay the cheques for ten thousand pounds into the bank?

They are such spoilt gits that they have no idea of the value of money and never pay for anything anyway, so a trek up to the high street with their paying in books was too much effort.

Eventually step grandad (who sent the cheques rather than them being part of the will) phoned to say pay them in or I will cancel them!!

Unbelievable!

PrettyCandles · 29/06/2011 20:06

Something like this happened to me many years ago, when my dad gave me a substantial cheque.. Don't ask me how I managed to forget to cash it, but I did, and when I asked my dad to write me a new one, he refused. "It was your money to look after. If you don't remember look after it properly, then you have to bear the consequences of your own carelessness."

So, IMO, keep out of it. Her problem to deal with it.

mo3d · 29/06/2011 20:12

I would mention it to my mum and dad and see what they say. Its their decision in the end.

Mizza76 · 29/06/2011 20:20

About a couple of years after our wedding, we discovered an unbanked cheque from one of our guests that had somehow fallen between the cracks - I'm not sure i even originally knew it existed. Naturally, it was by far the largest cheque we received for the wedding.... We certainly did not ask for another cheque, but I have to say I also wondered whether the couple thought we were rude that we hadn't banked it and was kind of tempted to tell them that it had simply got lost (we didn't because i didn't want them to interpret this as a request for another cheque).

tigermummy35 · 29/06/2011 20:35

Gosh what a generous gift which your in-laws don't need, or they would have cashed the cheque before.

YANBU

diggingintheribs · 29/06/2011 20:38

I don't think whether they need the money is relevent - people don't gift on that basis

I also thought cheques lasted a year

They should ask your parents rather than you.

I note it was their 50th wedding anniversary - are they quite elderly? Could they be forgetful or in the 'olden' days was this more normal?

Just giving the benefit of the doubt!!

LolaRennt · 29/06/2011 20:43

They were very rude, they don't know that your parents fininacial situation hasnt changed, personally I have to budget to spend 250£ (although obvioucly everybody doesnt). I woudlnt ask.

^YANBU. DH's sister wrote us a lovely cheque for our wedding present to 'The Happy Couple' - no names, so clearly we couldn't cash it at the bank. We didn't ask for another one, it's sitting with all our wedding memorabilia.
It's MIL/FILs fault for not cashing it in good time.^

Flisspaps Wow, see I think I would have asked for another cheque in that situation or gently mentioned you can't cash a cheque to the Hapy Couple! Although it is sweet, you think she woudl have known better!

nextchapter · 29/06/2011 22:07

Sorry for the late reply, I am of the belief that a cheque should be cashed within a fairly short space of time after being given it as that is when the money has been budgeted for, IYSWIM.

I think I will pass on my parents number, although God only knows how my parents will take it, there is quite the history with my MIL and her attitude to both mine and my parents "wealth".

Somebody asked if they are elderly as it was the their 50th wedding anniversary. They aren't, they just got married horribly young. MIL was 16!!

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/06/2011 22:09

I don't think they'll ring your parents, OP, that's why they asked you. If they had anything about them, they would have telephoned directly. They're too embarrassed and rightly so. Post back and let us know if they actually do have the brass neck to ring your parents.

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