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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry that DH doesn't care about household problems?

31 replies

marykat2004 · 28/06/2011 23:25

I came home at 4:30 today, to find DH lying on the sofa, while there was water all over the floor from the fridge leaking. This has happened before, leaking fridge, and even when I was on crutches DH either didn't notice the water all over the floor or didn't care to clean it up.

Then I said "ok, now it's really time to get a new fridge" because it was way more water than usual, and was leaking from the back this time, not overflowing inside. So I went online to buy a fridge.

Meanwhile DD wanted to go outside to play. This requires an adult because we live on an estate and DD is 6. DH wanted to go in the bedroom and take a nap. WTF? I told him no, he had to take DD out while I sort out the fridge. He was not pleased about this.

Sorry to vent but it just pisses me off. DH has health problems and can't work but he has plenty of energy to read books, do his own thing all day, but when it comes to either household chores or childcare, he just wants to sleep.

After I ordered a new fridge (that we can't afford, more stress), DH went to sleep for 3 hours. I am so sick of him napping for 3-4 hours the same 3-4 hours that DD is home from school. Or is it me? Should I be more understanding because he is ill?

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 28/06/2011 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabbyChic · 28/06/2011 23:29

Doing nothing all day causes you to be tired, reading causes you to be tired.

Depression causes tiredness.

Try to be more understanding, whilst he is sleeping he is forgetting how bad it is to be sick, it's what people do.

Original poster
marykat2004 · 28/06/2011 23:39

He has a heart condition. The GP says he should get out and do more but he doesn't seem to want to.

OP posts:
IWannaGetFiscal · 28/06/2011 23:44

So he only seems to require these naps when there are household/childcare duties to be undertaken? Of course you don't need to be more understanding. He's taking the p.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 29/06/2011 00:30

What exactly is your dh's heart 'condition'?

When did it begin, what was the diagnosis, what is the prognosis, is he awaiting an operation, and is he on medication?

If the GP is saying that your dh should 'get out and do more' is there any reason why he shouldn't pursue non-strenuous employment, perhaps on a part-time basis?

Is your dh overweight, and is that exascerbating his 'condition' in any way? Does he appear to be depressed?

Has your dh ever cared about household problems?

MotivatedSperm · 29/06/2011 07:58

YABU. you told him he couldn't go to bed. That must be against his human rights or something?!?

JamieAgain · 29/06/2011 08:07

Good questions izzy. Health problems are one thing - but can slip into depression easily. Either way, making no effort to do what is required to make yourself better/feel better places a burden on everyone

JamieAgain · 29/06/2011 08:09

Sorry if the above sounds harsh. It does require understanding, but may also require more effort.

M0naLisa · 29/06/2011 11:21

I think he is just being lazy and using his condition as an excuse - why couldn't he have napped during whilst you at work and dd at school.

trixie123 · 29/06/2011 12:57

presumably he could have sat at the PC and ordered the fridge even if he couldn't go outside with your DD? My father has a lung condition which restricts him to some extent but it is improved by exercise at the appropriate level - illness doesn't = complete inactivity and it does sound like he is taking the piss with the timing if nothing else - he should get his extra rest when the house is quiet and your DD is at school.

mumblechum1 · 29/06/2011 12:59

He sounds lazy to me too.

Callisto · 29/06/2011 13:16

Sounds like he is taking the piss to me. He may have a heart condition, but it still sounds like he needs a good kick up the butt to pull his weight. What exactly is he contributing right now?

PissesGlitter · 29/06/2011 13:26

i know he has a heart condition but docs have told him to get moving so he is just being a lazy bastard as far as i can understand

childcare is for both parents and if he doesnt want to look after his kids then he can fuck off (only MY opinion)

Adversecamber · 29/06/2011 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

firsttimemum77 · 29/06/2011 13:44

Haven't read all the response's because I had a sudden urge to respond to you as soon as I read that your DH has a heart condition.

My Dad, who is 58, had a heart attack 4 years ago and is on several pills a day! It has not stopped him going out to work, from spending time with his GC, from going for walks, from excercising and from helping my mum with household chores and cooking (in fact when he is home before my mum is he has Dinner prepared.

From what it sounds your DH has a case of 'lazyitis' - He is using his condition as an excuse to do nothing! If he does nothing and just sleeps / lying around, he is more likely to make his heart condition worse.

Sorry, but he sounds like he is taking the piss...and no you do not need to be more understanding because he is 'ill' - having a heart condition is no excuse to be LAZY!

CareyHunt · 29/06/2011 13:56

Telling someone they can't go to bed, in the day time, is 'an abuse of their human rights'.?!!

There are a few, very, very rare cases when it is acceptable for an adult to fuck off to bed for a little nap in the day time leaving the other adult to do all the parenting, IMO.

All of them involve being so ill you can not physically move. In fact, iller than that.

'I'm tired' just doesn't cut it I'm afraid. We're all tired, all the time. It's called being a parent. You can nap later...during the night Grin

doggiesayswoof · 29/06/2011 15:38

If I were you OP I would educate myself fully about his condition and about what he can and can't do in terms of physical activity (if you don't know already of course)

If he has been told by GP he should be more active then he should listen - also exercise is often helpful with mild to moderate depression, so even if he is depressed it might well help

Also agree that he can order a fridge online with a heart condition

Was he like this before his illness? Is he generally a lazy childish sort who won't take responsibility?

Original poster
marykat2004 · 30/06/2011 23:13

Hi, I've not checked back until now... and lots of questions to answer.

You are all correct I need to learn more about his condition. What he can and can't do. He has heart failure, irregular heartbeat, fast heart beat and is on beta blockers which I know make people tired. However, it seems that since January I have noticed him being particularly sluggish and sleepy from about 4 pm til 8 pm - the time that DD is home from school, and before she goes to bed. It drives me up the wall.

The heart condition started 2 years ago. When DD was a baby DH was able to look after her better than he can now. As for household chores, also when DD was a baby and I threatened to get a cleaner, DH insisted on doing the cleaning himself once a week. When I got made redundant that went out the window. I have been training and volunteering and generally doing things that should help me get a job.

He can't order things online, he's just not that bright. Ugh. I know I am going to get slapped for that. But really, he can't order things on line, can't choose, doesn't know how to pay etc etc. He buys milk and toilet paper, does a but of food shopping now and then, and washing up a few times a week. That's about all.

I just think as DD gets older I want a tidier living space, and DH is becoming more and more lazy.

So yes and no, it's a combination. He is getting lazier, and I am trying to get tidier. So I am getting more annoyed at his slovenliess, which is getting worse because of his medication. Grr....

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 30/06/2011 23:19

I have a white under counter fridge that im trying to get rid of if you want it...Im in the west midlands, yours if you can give it a home Grin

For the rest of it, health problems or not your DH sounds like a selfish arse.

Original poster
marykat2004 · 30/06/2011 23:26

Very kind of you to offer. I just ordered a new one, and it arrived today. With 5 year warranty so next time it leaks, if it's less than 5 years old, I can call someone to fix it. Stupid appliances, the source of so much grief..

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 30/06/2011 23:49

Ill be stuck with this fridge for ever i can see it Grin

Original poster
marykat2004 · 30/06/2011 23:55

do you have freecycle in the Midlands? You can post the fridge on freecycle, I'm sure someone will want a fridge.

OP posts:
moondog · 30/06/2011 23:58

Just not that bright eh?
He's obviously bright enough to work out a way of life which requires him to shirk all responsibility.
What a prick.
How do women get lumbered and have kids with these numpties?

supersalstrawberry · 01/07/2011 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 01/07/2011 00:20

"You can nap later... during the night" :o

That basically sums up my experience of being a parent. I love it :)

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