to hate kids being 'put on display'

[sherbetpips]

My DH family have an awful habit of always expecting the kids to stand up and do some sort of entertainment at any family gathering we have. I have watched the older nephews and nieces go through it and now attention is being turned to the younger ones - mine included. It was excrutiating to watch his cousin being forced to read out a speech he gave at school no less than 8 times until he got it right (he is 7 and barely speaks as it is) at a 50th party yesterday. Then listen to him being admonished endlessy for not making enough effort. Does anyone else make their kids play instruments/sing/read poems they have written?

oh god, you nee to make sure you dont let others do that to your kids

fine if the kids want to do it, but not if they dont

No, that's crap. It is a truth universally acknowledged that other people's children are utterly tedious and nobody should be forced to sit through their 'mashup' of Eye of the Tiger and Truly Scrumptious.

And it sounds like they are horrible to the children too, which is even worse.

If your DH's family insist on your children being forced to learn party pieces then you must do two things. Firstly, make sure you only teach them something long and boring, like Chaucer. Secondly, charge the family to watch them. That'll fettle their nonsense.

Was not saying 'that's crap' to you carrie, btw . It was a comment on the situation.

No. We will indulgently listen if they choose to do a concert or play for the adults, but your familyIL sound really brutal (sorry). Wow, way to destroy a child's self esteem.

No way, absolutely no way do my children get up and do a turn unless it's one of those interminable 'shows' that my nieces like to put on :o And that is entirely voluntary except on our part

suepurblybilt - love it chaucer!

We have a family tradition of children showing off playing instruments, singing songs or reading out poems. But we wouldn't make them do anything 8 times. Once gets them a big round of applause and lots of overeffusive praise.... they enjoy it.

I grew up in a family that did that, and even now, family gatherings still have a pointbin proceedings when my mother clasps her hands together and says the dreaded words "let's have a concert" (and DH and I groan inwardly "oh dear god, please let's not)

I hated it growing up, and will never ever force my dc to do this. If they want to that's fine, but no-one will make my dc perform if they don't want to.

Just don't allow your kids to do it.

DCs might play something short on a musical instrument to show how they're getting on, or something they feel they do particularly well if only to boost their own self-confidence. Only in front of one or two relatives/close friends who might be visiting, and only if they want to (hear it or play it). Totally conscious of how tedious it can be listening to other people's children perform, so am aware of not overdoing it.

That sounds cringe worthy. Why don't you just tell your family that unless your DCs want to do something they're not. Why be forced into such a naff thing. Stand up and support your DCs rather than be bullied into something you don't agree with. I'm sure your DCs will appreciate you sticking up for them.

I remember once going to my bosses house for a bbq. He made his kids come downstairs to sing to us. They didn't want to and it became a huge standoff until they sang.

With tears streaming down their faces

I didn't stay in the job long.

Teach them some rude jokes and how to make fart sounds with their armpits. The family will never ask again.

My MIL does this. Insists on a song or a joke or something. My two are older now and just say no, despite her trying to guilt them in to it. I loathe being forced to watch other people's kids perform. It always feels like the parents or grandparents of the child are expecting a round of applause for having such amazing offspring. I just want a glass of wine and some adult company.

I would never push them to perform for others, the problem is rather stopping them from performing in the case of my DDs.

That sounds horrible! Poor things.

Who the hell wants to watch that?
I find the School play once a year tedious enough.

Maria was sent to the Von Trapp household for a reason...

My DC's like playing their instruments for grandparents. It is a mini-concert that all enjoy, though sometimes my Father can make it slightly too much of a performance situation. I wouldn't put up with them forcing the kids to play something 8 times though, or to get upset, that's not on at all.

My DD would love that. She was born to be on the stage. I, on the other hand, loathe being made to watch children perform, particularly when it is against their will.

My family always used to do this to me, they would make me sing at every family occasion. I am a good singer but quite shy and being forced to perform on demand was awful. It actually put me off singing and I rarely do it now. Please don't put your DCs through this!

I've been in school too long already this week and its only Monday

I encourage make my 2 yr old DS sing on the phone to my mother. She is in a different country though. If he's not on the mood, no amount of coercion would work. I don't even bother trying but I won't be making him do it in public when he's older. I remember being put through this, not by parents, but my relatives when staying with my sister at grandparent's house. My sister could sing, I could not and even then I knew I couldn't. If anyone remember Nicole's winning entry at the Eurovision "Just Like a Flower" - that is what I had to sing. I cringe 25 yrs later thinking about it.

My family did this to me too - it was always music. Unfortunately I was the least musical of all of my cousins and I loathed the regular opportunities to demonstrate this. In the end my hobbies tended to be things like horse riding and pottery as they couldn't result in any sort of demonstration at family events.