"You look tired"

[Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit]

WHY do people say this?
Why is it always when I've made an extra effort with hair, make-up, had 9 hours sleep and exfoliated that morning?
They lean over, look concerned and I just know it's coming.
"You look really tired, is everything ok?"

No, not tired, but thanks for letting me know I look like a heap of shit.

Would Botox help? (tired-looking emote)

Other confidence crushers include "wow, haven't you lost weight?" Actually I haven't but you clearly think of me as a lardy.

Your loking very guant today, you need to put some meat on them bones

Are you ill, you look very pale. - thanks but just because I choose not to slap 7 inches of tango foundation on every morning for work does not make me pasty, it's naturel.

'You look tired' = reply 'yes, it's all the rampant sex I'm getting. We didn't finish the triple anal unil 3am!'

or, less contentiously:

No, I'm not tired thank you. I'm bored by your company (OK maybe not that less contentious).

" Oh hello...haven't seen you at the gym for ages? You ok????"

" Oh hello, when are you getting your hair done again - it looks lovely by the way.....

" Did you know that Zumba is on 3 times a week now???"

fuck off.

"Haven't you started getting ready yet?" actually I've just finished (looks sadly at new outfit, going-out slap, hairdo)

"When are you going to start losing that baby weight?"

I put it down to senility as it was my granny that said it!

I hate that too, I get it a lot. " You look very tired today" despite fact i have foundation blusher and mascara on. I just go, yeah, that's parenthood for you.
I have felt tired for the last 10 years tbh!

I hate this. I'm not tired, I'm crap with eyeliner. Okay??

Some bitch woman I work with says to me nearly every day "ooh, you look pale, are you OK?" in a voice of faux concern.

I am pale. I struggle to get foundation light enough. You have known me for three years. My skin colour has not changed.

it's quite funny. MIL used to do this or similar as a put down when we were about to go out and they were babysitting. Invariably after FIL had just complimented me! I would reply 'I'm really great actually but you've been looking ashen lately are you feeling alright?'

I would always just turn it around with a big smile.

I often get the "oh you poor thing, you don't look well..." FUCK OFF!

And last week I got the whole "do you know whether this one's a boy or a girl?" Ermmmm, No, I don't know - that'd be because I'M NOT PREGNANT YOU FUCKER!!!

Flubba!

I have been tempted to say "Thanks, so do you!" to the tired/ill commenters. Just to see their reaction.

sausage try it. It works.

"So do you...in fact you look KNACKERED! What have you be DOING to yourself???"

My Mum has told me I look pale every time she's seen me since I left home over 20 years ago. She'll add in the odd blue lips and I look ghastly!! During the next 20 years I'm hoping that she'll notice that this is my skin colour and it won't change, I did inherit it from her

I don't understand, this my friend got really really pissed off when a sales lady said this to her while she was 9 months pregnant.

She did look tired though and she hadn't been sleeping. Looking tired is not a euphamism for looking shit. It really isnt. You can look very nice and still have that glazed-over-god-i-need-sleep-zombie look in your eyes!

It is probably concern for your well being.

the previous pale comment though to the I assume very fair person is however just being bitchy

I have had it every single day of my life, I do have bags whatever I do and the more effort I make the worse the comments. BUT, I went to see about an op to remove them and the surgeon suggested Botox, and have not had a comment for 8 weeks! I am 37 by the way but have had this all my life. Once some people know it hurts you, I do believe they use it an a passive aggresive concerned way.

This thread is like a life-changing revelation for me - other people put up with this too? So glad it's not just me. Every farking day I get the same comments...! "You look pale/tired/ill/shit, are you ok?"

At my old work my boss used to sing "whiter shade of pale" every time I entered the room. Meh.

And soups my mum is exactly the same. I only left home 9 years ago but it has been every single time I've seen her in those 9 years.

I DO look tired, but I do boggle at people who point it out.

I never comment on another person's appearance unless in a positive way. except behind their back

It depends how it's said..
If it's said in a genuinely concerned, sympathetic way it's kind of nice.
If it's said when you've obviously made an effort with your appearance, it's mean and rude.

A friend once said I looked tired in my wedding photos, not pretty or happy or I-like-what-you-did-with-your-hair, just tired (I was a bit tired to be fair - having been up all night with my newborn, but there were lots of positives she could have mentioned instead!)

I get that "u look tired" too ... from my MIL. Took me ages to undertstand this is a subtle insult! (Thanks mumsnet!) Maybe I shd reply to MIL next time ... "and u look really old 2day"? Arghh!

I also get (from FIL) ... "u have lost weight I think?" ... when I haven't ... I am always the same weight as when they 1st met me, barring pregnancies of course. So I assume he means ... "u look older/scrawnier"?

This is usually followed by, (more quietly/to himself), "eurrrr ... even a thin cow is not good" .... which I don't really understand ... but I don't get upset by his remarks/little tease as:

(a) he isn't British (so this is a translation by me, and being compared to a cow might be more acceptible in his language, flattering even? )
(b) he's a retired dairy vet and actually loves cows
(c) I think he prefers chunkier/buxom women eg Sophia Loren?! (Which I am not. But maybe he still has hopes I will bulk up a bit?)
(d) laughing off any (unintended) insults seems the best/only way? Otherwise the bitterness can spoil the day!

On the other hand, it's amazing how .... "u look really good today" has such an uplifting effect, isn't it? (As long as it sounds reasonably sincere!)

I usually look tired the day after I've been really tired, when I'm actually feeling ok...also I think with me, you know I am 35 so my skin is starting to show signs of age, if someone hasn't seen me for a bit they might think I look tired when in fact I just look a bit older!

I think when people say it to me it's usually out of geniune concern though rather than an insult... it is usually my MIL who says it but she also tells me I look really pretty if I've done my hair and makeup to go out!

That's my MIL opening gambit too!!!!
Her other one is

" Have you recovered?"

AAAHHHH!!!!

Drives me MAD!!!!! I always have to say, From What? Then she will say basically anything I have been doing! The weekend, walking the dog, yoga, a holiday, washing up, birthday, fighting carpet moth, christmas, son coming home from uni, son going back to uni... other son sitting GCSEs, girlfriends of son staying, husband away for night, gardening, school run, listening to the Archers, MY LIFE!! basically.
Yes thanks!!!!
NO HELP FROM YOU!!!!!!

I always think "You look well" in a slightly surprised tone means "Lord, you've put on weight!" I may just be very cynical however!

(b) he's a retired dairy vet and actually loves cows

that actualy made me LOL!

Agree about the 'You look well' ...

as for the 'you look tired', I used to get this a lot, and I too used to reply sympathetically, 'So do you' :) It is a salutary lesson for those who make this kind of remark unthinkingly. Turn it back on them and see how they like it :o