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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"You look tired"

47 replies

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit · 13/06/2011 13:56

WHY do people say this?
Why is it always when I've made an extra effort with hair, make-up, had 9 hours sleep and exfoliated that morning?
They lean over, look concerned and I just know it's coming.
"You look really tired, is everything ok?"

No, not tired, but thanks for letting me know I look like a heap of shit.

Would Botox help? (tired-looking emote)

Other confidence crushers include "wow, haven't you lost weight?" Actually I haven't but you clearly think of me as a lardy.

OP posts:

theDudesmummy · 13/06/2011 16:05

ABSOLUTELY one of my top hates, why oh why would people tell you you look tired? (And this seems to happen mostly when I thought I was looking pretty nice!)

All it can do is make you feel awful. It serves no useful purpose other than to makw you feel self conscious and horrible. . (unless obviously it is your close family actually expressing concren and telling you to go to bed earlier or not to bother doing something, they will do it for you etc!).

BlooferLady · 13/06/2011 16:08

People have lately taken to saying "Wow you look radiant!" I had no fucking clue why they would suddenly start using this particular word until I realised this is often followed by a piercing hopeful expression - I can only assume they think I've finally managed to get pregnant and that my fat IBS-bloated stomach is a second-semester baby .

what has actually happened is the use of Benefit High Beam. I recommend.

BlooferLady · 13/06/2011 16:09

semester?! TRIMESTER .

Not really conversant with baby-stuff...

ShatnersBassoon · 13/06/2011 16:11

I often get people telling me I look tired when I've made more effort with my make-up. I think it's because I usually look like a ruddy-faced peasant, so perhaps 'glow' a bit less when I've made some effort.

cybbo · 13/06/2011 16:12

Nothing riles me more than being told I look tired

They might as well say YOU LOOK SHIT

minipie · 13/06/2011 16:14

Oh I hate this too. And you're right - it's always when you thought you were looking all right.

I've noticed that the people who say it are not usually especially attractive themselves ...

Bartimaeus · 13/06/2011 16:15

I often get the "you look tired" at the moment, with the sympathetic head tilt.

I'm pregnant so mostly I am tired but occasionally I'm actually feeling pretty good (compared to the first 20 weeks of pregnancy which were awful) so it can be quite demoralising.

I have never understood why people say that (it's just plain rude) unless they have an active interest in making you feel better afterwards (ie. my DH or my mum who then insist I sit down and make me a drink / get me something to eat)

Insomnia11 · 13/06/2011 16:17

I say "You look well" when people do look well. Or just sometimes without thinking as something nice to say really "How are you? You look well". I'd never say it to someone to mean they looked fat! Probably others do though, I agree.

LostInTransmogrification · 13/06/2011 16:32

Last weekend I was told that I looked scrawny (such a lovely word!). I am 5ft 7inches and 10 3/4 stone, I am hardly scrawny (this was confirmed by a recent thread saying how big m&s pants have become - I've gone up a size)

VelvetSnow · 13/06/2011 16:37

Is that a new

In my workplace if someone comments on an item of clothing it generally means "Oh dear god, that is so ugly, please do not wear it again"

If you are wearing something new and no one comments - you know they like it

Badgerwife · 13/06/2011 16:38

I once had "your skin looks really spotty, have you thought about taking something for it?"

This from a vague acquaintance when I was just visiting my parents one summer in my early 20s.
Yes, thank you, I've had acne since I was 11 and no, nothing seems to have worked, and thank you so much for pointing it out your heartless piece of s#$&

CurrySpice · 13/06/2011 16:41

How about "You look...well" which means "You've piled the weight on"

PuppyMonkey · 13/06/2011 16:51

I had a friend (ex) who said i looked tired each and every time I saw her, even when I'd just had DD2 when yes I was tired, but didn't require someone to tell me I looked it. I also get: "Cheer up love, it might never happen" from strangers in the street/ bus drivers etc. Which is also a confidence booster.

Ex sis in law used to always go one better with DP and tell him: "you look really ill, are you ok?" We used to take bets on how long it would be before she said it when we visited her.

He was quite well btw.

cunexttuesonline · 13/06/2011 16:53

Oh god, MIL does this to me all the time. And yes, it's always when I am not at all tired, slap on, etc. I just reply 'oh, well I am not tired, I had 8 hours sleep last night and a 2 hour nap this afternoon' - which is what I often have at the weekend as I am a lazy git! It's not a good response though as she persists with it. maybe I should try 'so do you', but I would feel a bit bitchy!!

cunexttuesonline · 13/06/2011 16:55

puppymonkey - i get that on the street too! That and 'SMILE'. Makes me want to shout 'FUCK OFF' at them!

happy2bhomely · 13/06/2011 16:56

I had literally just given birth and the HCA commented how 'glowing' I looked. She even got me to write down the brand of body moisturiser I was using,(superdrug vit e!) I thought what a lovely lady. She made me feel great. Then she turned to my sister (who had been up all night being my birth partner and who was 3 months preg) and said-"what happened to you then? You look so tired and spotty. You need to ask your sister for some tips!" My poor sister had tears in her eyes. Some people just don't think and others are plain rude.

SixtyFootDoll · 13/06/2011 17:04

My mothers current favourite backhander
'you look so lovely with your hair long. I never liked it short.'

So you let me wear my hair short from the age of 11 and never told me it looked awful? Why thank you.

Hassled · 13/06/2011 17:06

In my Toddler Group days there was another woman who told me how tired I looked every single time. It ended up as a joke between me and my friend - how many minutes till she'd tell me this. Did wonders for my general self-confidence, I tell you.

BadPoet · 13/06/2011 17:11

I think I prefer 'you look tired' which at least seems to imply concern to 'I wasn't sure it was you - you look, well, old' which was what an old (same age) schoolfriend's mother said to me when she served me in the local charity bookshop.

MIL does a brilliant 'you are looking really tired darling' to dh while simultaneously ruffling his hair and muttering 'I knew she didn't look after you properly' under her breath.

PatriciatheStripper · 13/06/2011 17:50

"Cheer up love, it might never happen"

"That's what's worrying me"

superjobeespecs · 13/06/2011 18:06

nearly wet myself at riceburner that had me snorting and verything my MIL always says oh have you lost weight cos im a curvy gal but now im 5 months duffed its always jeez you still fit in clothes from before you were pg? well done you!! with a sleekit look of yeah right you big fat cow moo lucky its only over webcam as she lives down south but if she were here she'd get a tantrum from me

youarekidding · 13/06/2011 18:10

Oh I got 'you look fed up' today.

Had just finished a water play activity and was refreshed soaked. Its an SN school and I was just organising dry clothes for the pupil. 10 seconds earlier I had been howling with laughter - obviously I'm expected to never stop.

You look tired really pisses me off too. I usually say 'actually I'm knackered so could you do x,y and z for me' if I'm at work. People no longer say it.

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