Who or what it right or wrong....

[TheLadyEvenstar]

I have taught both DS1 and DS2 to do things for themselves.

DS1 can (not that he always does mind)
work the washing machine
work the dishwasher
make dinners
hoover
dust
make tea and coffee - albeit BADLY humph!

DS2 -
showers himself
plays alone
helps with the washing machine and dishwasher
Makes his own breakfast - pours the milk in
Pour himself a beaker of milk.

I am on a forum where there is a bit of a heated debate and I am told my way of parenting is lazy and this woman who does everything for her kids who are 13 down to 7 is the "perfect" parent.

So MN jury opinions?

They are just an example of what they can do,

How old are they?

I have no idea howoldyour children are

Ooopsss
DS1 - 12.11yrs
DS2 - 3.9yrs

Nope they need to learn independence and life skills, you need to pepare them for adulthood not to remain the rest of their lives needing to be treated like dc - manchild anyone???????????????

I don't think it matters how old your children are, I'd be more worried at the ages of the ones doing nothing.
Perfect parenting - not that it exists - is more to do with what you teach your children to do, not what you do so they don't have to, I reckon.

Car, they were my words. this woman is going on at anyone who dares to say children need to learn their own way and have independence.

Wish more parents were like you - I take children away camping and am constantly amazed at how useless unskilled many of them are .

the woman has issues, ignore, ignore, ignore

You're on another forum

what you do is not wrong ....what is wrong with teaching them self help skills -We read every day on here about husbands who do nothing around the house and many who do not know how to wash their own clothes ....We dont need another generation of children who can not look after themselves ...no women will thank a mother for a "mummy's boy" ...Oh and girls ..are they not more helpful and independant anyway or is this just my perception?

well I certainly dont want my 3 kids growing up thinking that I will do everything for them!
I must be a lazy parent too as I plan on doing things the same as you, Ds1 is nearly 5 and he has to make his bed in the morning, lay the table for dinner,put his clothes in the washing machine before bed and tidy his toys away each evening and the older he gets the more jobs he will be expected to do.

Just think how much more any future DIL's will appreciate you teaching them responsibility

I remember the Head telling me how many of the dc on the year 4 trip weren't capable of making their own sandwiches, ie didn't have a clue how to do it rather than just making a poor job of it

The only thing my ds doesn't do yet at 10 is make drinks with boiling water. Bit cackhanded an it's just asking for an accident imo

Sounds reasonable to me
:)

I've got my 14 mo dusting atm so am with you on that one

I've had this discussion with DP - he seems to think that I should make DS's lunch for him when he goes to school, whereas I think he should learn to make it himself (and help choose what he wants when shopping etc)

What really horrified me was DP meant at secondary, and I was thinking from primary!

You're right.

The other lot doing everything for their kids are creating lazy future monsters!

My kids are capable of doing pretty much what I can do in the house. I'm confident that they'll go out into the world being able to care for themselves.

My 7 year old ds has hoovered the sitting room and tidied away all of his lego for £1 pocket money. dd ( just 4) has helped with some fetching and carrying jobs for 50p.

At 7 I used to have to wash both of my parents cars for pocket money. Getting them to help makes them appreciate the need to be tidyish and also that to get money you need to work.

My 5 year old just put the washing in the machine and turned it on ....I praise him for helping so he loves it too :)

YOu're right.

DD1, DD2 and DS are all perfectly capable and willing to do anything around the house - they are 17, 16 and 14. They can all cook, wash, clean. DD2 in particular should be hired out for dinner parties, she is a terrific cook.

DD3 is 2.3 and can put her toys away, get things out of the drawer when asked, lay the table (not quite silver service, but she has the general idea) help unload the dishwasher, pulls the plug out of the bath and puts her bath toys on the side - in a very specific order and does her best to help with cleaning.

My ex-not DSD is 17 and incapable of anything. Her father literally does everything for bar wipe her arse. Fuck knows how she will manage when she leaves home. She struggles to boil an egg and I kid you not. I spent years suggesting, gently, that he might let her do some things herself and now he admits that our 2 year old is more capable about the house.

YANBU. If this person thinks that 13 year olds should not need to do anything for themselves or help at home, then at what age does she think they should start learning to do these things? 16? 18? Or should they just stay at home being waited on by mum until they get married and then be waited on by their wives?

yabtotally unreasonable to even consider what you are doing is wrong... you are teaching them valuable life skills... and I know that it is a lot harder to teach them how to do it than doing it yourself.. so that makes her the lazy one..

Anyone saying that teaching your children to do these things is lazy is just silly. If they'd ever tried it they'd know that it's way more time-consuming and frustrating to get your children to do 'boring' things for themselves than it is just to do them yourself.

But you're standing them in much better stead by teaching them to look after themselves than you would be by running about after them.

Fwiw DS is 3.5 and picks up most of his own toys, showers himself, gets his own drinks and snacks, puts rubbish in the bin, clothes in the laundry and dishes in the sink etc.

Tbh he's much better at tidying up after himself than his father is (and I reckon if dp's mum hadn't been such a stepford wife then dp might be more capable )