Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to worry about MN being used as a RL soap opera?

53 replies

MardyBra · 11/06/2011 10:25

yes, it's a thread about a thread but I thought it was useful to take the side issue off line.

Sometimes on a dramatic thread (like the one where the op caught her husband with the OW) I get the distinct feeling that, after the initial support given to the Op, lots of people just pile in to "mark their place" on the thread. Some on that thread were blatantly just posting a full stop - how rude. Angry. All followed by lots of speculation and conjecture and demands for updates. I've seen it before, like on the pregnant DSD thread.

FFS if you have nothing helpful to add (but are still concerned for the OP and want to get an update) just press "watch this thread" and stay away.

Caveat: I know this doesn't apply to the majority of MNers. The rest - please learn some manners.

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 11/06/2011 10:29

YANBU. There is a lot of rubber necking online generally.

wannaBe · 11/06/2011 10:32

I agree. I also think it's often like a contest in terms of who can "worry" the most about the op. I've often seen "I'm really worried about the op now" type posts on threads - I even saw one once where someone said she wished she could hire a private investigator to track down the op so she, the poster, could stage a meeting with her to check she was ok. Hmm

FlibbertyJibbett · 11/06/2011 10:35

I think if you don't want your life being reading material for other people then don't post on a busy internet forum.
Yes people were marking their place but on a busy board like this sometimes it is the best way to keep track of a thread you are interested in. I know I forget to look at watched threads but I always click on 'thread that I am on'.

Original poster
MardyBra · 11/06/2011 10:39

Yes I agree the Internet may not be the best place to post a major crisis, but that poster was in shock, her sister was away and she turned to the one place where she knew she could fund a sympathetic ear late at night- and found it. The MNers who helped her at the time were lovely btw.

OP posts:
vmcd28 · 11/06/2011 10:40

yanbu. I agree - watch the thread without posting. BUT in the thread you are referring to, I think most people saw the nasty way the thread was turning (ie kill him! kill him!), and wanted to balance it with "actually we're still here for you if you need a chat" kind of thing.

fwiw, I hate the way A LOT of threads turn. eg yesterday I gave a perfectly reasonable comment to a post, and got jumped on by one MNer. I genuinely dont get why she misunderstood what I had said in the first place, but no matter how many times I explained what I meant (5, I think), she kept having a go about something I DIDNT EVEN SAY!!

slartybartfast · 11/06/2011 10:43

i get what op means, and agree it is somewhat OTT
but does it really matter to the op in question, the more the merrier in giving helpful ,> advice

Original poster
MardyBra · 11/06/2011 10:45

Vmcd. I will confess I haven't read the whole thread. I just skimmed and could see that it was going downhill. It was the blatant marking with full stops that annoyed me. Fair enough in a light hearted thread, but if you can't be arsed to think of something constructive of supportive to say then stay away imo.

OP posts:
slartybartfast · 11/06/2011 10:47

i didnt read the actual thread but the scenario is very common.

Original poster
MardyBra · 11/06/2011 10:48

There's a different tone in the threads in the Relationships section usually. Fewer people piling in, but much more constructive advice.

OP posts:
LuckyMrsT · 11/06/2011 10:49

Come on!!! This page has lots of traffic and the OP would know that her post would get a lot of interest. I thought that most of the posts were very supportive. I read it out of interest but didn't post although of course I hoped that the OP was doing ok - I'd be devastated if that happened to me. I think it's silly to pretend that we read it/posted on it JUST out of concern for the OP. Curiosity is human nature, it doesn't make us all awful gits.

ooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou · 11/06/2011 10:51

are you the internet police OP, to tell people who and what and when to post

if someone doesnt want to air their dirty laundry in public, they can stick to fb, email, msn and whatnot

i actually laugh to myself at all the "thinking of you hun" and "oooh you are so brave" posts one after the other.

Original poster
MardyBra · 11/06/2011 10:53

I get what you're saying MrsT. And yes we are all curious. It's just that sometimes a thread will get to a point when a line is being crossed.

OP posts:
BelovedCunt · 11/06/2011 10:57

totally agree

Original poster
MardyBra · 11/06/2011 10:58

Just raising a point of discussion oooh.

OP posts:
FriedaLivery · 11/06/2011 11:01
  1. I don't get the "marking my place" thing. Just add it to a watch list
  2. People should consider this when sharing
QuintessentialOldMoo · 11/06/2011 11:02

I totally agree with the OP. It is like people piling in to look at a car crash or accident, and I said as much on the thread in question.

The support is one thing, there is lots of it here. But the following marking of places to look at the drama, it is pure entertainment value. I think it is very disrespectful to the op.

If you are genuinely interested to help and support, you dont just pile in with bunfights, or inane chitter just to say something to keep the thread in active convo, you put in on watch, and you keep it in mind. If you want to help and support, you dont forget to look at a watched thread. You dont actually need to mark you place by an empty "thinking of you". I find it tasteless.
Also, I am sure, even if I should forget to click back on the thread and see what happens next, I am sure somebody else will, and the op will get the support he/she needs.

shandyleer · 11/06/2011 11:03

I'm with you op.

ohmyfucksy · 11/06/2011 11:03

It's true. I think it happens quite a lot on Relationships as well. People quite like being told a tragic story that's not actually their problem. And they like getting praised for offering advice. People like to know 'what happened in the end' and you quite often see people saying they're annoyed that they never found out 'the ending' to a thread - as if it's a soap opera. I remember one poster who had a lot of trouble with her husband and people said leave him, he's an arse. But it wasn't as simple as that for her so she didn't get divorced but still wanted to talk about it. People got fed up because there was no 'progression' and started accusing her of being a troll (although of course a real troll would have made it as interesting as possible!)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/06/2011 11:05

Agree with you, MardyBra. Most people, I think, can tell the difference between a light-hearted thread and one where the OP is truly anguished. Despite the obvious clues, some posters don't have any kind of 'line drawn' to know where to stop. They'd probably well know where it was if the calamity was happening to them though. Rubberneckers, on the pretence of caring, are really, really obvious.

If I was the OP of that thread, I'd never come back.

Lovecat · 11/06/2011 11:07

YANBU. I did post on the thread in question purely because I was pissed off with some of the posters who seemed to be looking for a fight with the OP (of the 'ooh, she's over-reacted, it's probably totally innocent, MY husband can have a drink with a female friend, I'M not paranoid' variety).

And now I can't get it out of my 'threads I'm on', which is annoying to say the least, as I'm sure the poor woman just wishes it would all go away and I feel like I'm rubbernecking on her private pain every time it pops up.

Do people not know about the 'watch' function??

Pumpernickel10 · 11/06/2011 11:11

Totally I agree I did post on that thread to begin with and have watched it since but Scottishmommy on there made a excellent point that thread as become like rubbernecking now. I actually posted not long ago on there to say this thread needs to be deleted as the Op as more pressing things to do then update all those rubberneckers who've nothing better to do than wallow in someone else's pity

Pumpernickel10 · 11/06/2011 11:19

There was one poster who I won't mention who kept coming on there asking for an update and asking the op to get back on to let her know all is ok.
Oh please I think the op as more to do than pop on every 5 minutes to appease all those rubberneckers

Laquitar · 11/06/2011 11:48

I read the begining of that thread but not the rest. But i have been on other similar ones and i know what you mean. I think it is a bit like when someone faints in the street. Some people are really helpful, they give first aid, call the ambulance etc. Then there are hundrends who gather around 'to look' and even ask questions and they wont let the ambulance people pass in case they miss the view!

On these threads i post if op doesn't have many replies, but if there are other posters (i know some regulars who are very good at giving support and help) then i will step back. I think it is better if op has 5-6 good ones there instead of having 100s of us asking questions. It can be a bit overwhelming imo. (although i believe most of them have good intentions)

(By the way, people seem to fight bullying when the bully is not here. I was on a nasty thread last night and none of the 100s mnetters who 'cant stand bullying and prejudice' came in. My worry was that someone in similar situation to the one discussed migh read and be in pieces but it seems i was the only one.)

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 11/06/2011 11:54

YABNU, I agree with you OP.

BitOfFun · 11/06/2011 11:57

I haven't read it, but "needs to be deleted"? Really? Who put you in charge, PumpyGrin. At the OP's request, perhaps, but it's a forum, people witter.