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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am i being unreasonable?!

41 replies

TreacleChops · 31/05/2011 23:01

both myself and my partner have been unofficially TTCing since summer of last year, decided to make it official (to each other) in January of this year and still no luck.

My sister, who is recently married, has just announced that she is 8 weeks pregnant, and when asked, she said that she wasnt even trying as she wasnt sure she even wanted kids.

I just feel like i've "missed the boat" and now i feel i also have to wait until well after her baby is born until we start TTCing again, as i feel that my family would see my pregnancy as a attention seeking thing rather than a natural occurrence.

My sister is younger than me also, and i feel like because myself and my DP have been sort of trying for a year ish already my body clock is ticking a way madly inside of me!!!

OP posts:

lifechanger · 31/05/2011 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pjmama · 31/05/2011 23:04

Who cares what your family think?! You keep at it, it's nobody elses business - your sister's pregnancy is irrelevant to your own TTCing. It's hard when you're TTC and it seems like everyone around you is getting pregnant (been there), but don't take it personally.

Gooseberrybushes · 31/05/2011 23:04

oh my goodness keep trying don't worry about someone else in the family having a baby

and good luck

whackamole · 31/05/2011 23:06

Why does it matter what they think? You could already be pregnant and have not announced it as far as they know!

basingstoke · 31/05/2011 23:07

Waiting until she has had her baby before you try to get pregnant would be unreasonable...

AuntiePickleBottom · 31/05/2011 23:09

keep ttc, if i waited until none of my sister or sil where pregnant, i wouldn't have any DC.

BooyHoo · 31/05/2011 23:12

can i ask why you and your partner made it 'official' to each other in january? were you both trying to conceive without the otehr's knowledge?

BooyHoo · 31/05/2011 23:14

BTW me and 6 of my cousins were all born within a 4 month period. it was great having family so close in age.

worraliberty · 31/05/2011 23:14

Oh how ridiculous! Me and my Sister got pregnant withing a month of each other...it was just how it happened and made no difference at all.

Anyway, it was nice for the cousins to be so close in age.

Chunkamatic · 31/05/2011 23:17

YABU. It's not a competition and anyone who sees it as such is ridiculous - do you have a competitive relationship with your sister anyway?
You need to get on with your relationship in the way that suits you - how your sister lives her life or what she does has no bearing.
I hope you are soon successful.

LynetteScavo · 31/05/2011 23:17

YABU.

bubblecoral · 31/05/2011 23:19

Hate to say it, but your family are loons if they would think that you have concieved a child and are willing to go through pregnancy, labour and childrearing for the next 18 years just to get attention.

I'm also wondring what you mean by making it official to eachother.

SockShitter · 31/05/2011 23:19

booyoo, probably they were still enjoying sex together and if something happened then all the better.

IME, "officially"TTC means loathing sex and timing yourself and whinging to dh that he has to copulate with you tonight

niccibabe · 31/05/2011 23:23

If you've been TTCing for a year, you will be eligible to be referred for NHS help if you want it.

No need to worry about what family thinks...they'll be delighted to have 2 babies around.

BooyHoo · 31/05/2011 23:24

ah right. yes i see the difference

SockShitter · 31/05/2011 23:26

Yeah, it wasn't pretty

VforViennetta · 31/05/2011 23:31

I think you are mad to postpone TTC, my sister unbeknown to all of us had been experiencing difficulty conceiving, thankfully after one round of IVF she fell pregnant.

Unfortunately I fell pregnant by accident 3 months later, it was fine. both babies were equally celebrated.

There is absolutely no reason why you should stop TTC, go to your Gp and get the ball rolling on the fertility tests. It does randomly take some couples a long time to conceive, with others there may be problems that can be alleviated.

Your own fertility has sod all to do with your sisters, do what you want, if you get pg in the next few months, it's all to the good as they will have a small age gap.

iscream · 01/06/2011 06:42

TreacleChops, why do you feel your family may think you are attention seeking? Do they usually think along that line?

Anyways, regardless of that, there is nothing unusual about multiple pregnancies in the family or in a group of friends. No way would I ever change my ttc plans for such a reason. Best of luck to you, I hope it happens for you soon.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 01/06/2011 06:47

Both myself and my partner have been unofficially TTCing since summer of last year, decided to make it official (to each other) in January of this year

YABU. How are you going to be parents if you can't tell each other you want a baby?

now i feel i also have to wait until well after her baby is born until we start TTCing again, as i feel that my family would see my pregnancy as a attention seeking thing rather than a natural occurrence.

This is utterly bonkers. You're overthinking this to the nth degree, and/or your family are mad.

My sister is younger than me also, and i feel like because myself and my DP have been sort of trying for a year ish already my body clock is ticking a way madly inside of me!!!

YANBU. It's hard when you've been trying for a while and others around you just 'fall' without trying. But that's even more reason to keep TTC, and for pete's sake, talk to your partner about it!

Original poster

TreacleChops · 01/06/2011 22:22

thanks for the messages ladies....

and just to clarify a few points......

like shock sitter said, we where just enjoying sex without thinking of a family, but then decided to take the possible shock/panic away from a surprise pregnancy.

i do sometimes think about stuff too much, but also, my family are very opinionated. Although i know that my DP's family would LOVE more grandchildren i think my parents wouldn't be as happy (mum's words to me when my sister announced her pregnancy where....."don't you dare get pregnant for at least 12 months".... but is this me reading too much into a statement that wasn't made to be taken seriously? or is she being truthful!?

I think it's making me a little frustrated more than anything because like Tortoise said, about women falling pregnant straight away, like my sister (she only came off the pill 2 months ago) and there's me who's been pill free since feb 09!!!

OP posts:

microserf · 01/06/2011 22:43

op, seriously, just keep ttc. it would be madness to stop just because your sister is pregnant. my sister and i have never let the other ones pregnancies hold us back...

i can't imagine your mum really meant that - it seems a bit of a jokey throwaway comment to me. even if she did mean it, personally, i would do what i wanted and not let anyone else's opinion get in the way. life is too short to worry about this.

CheerfulYank · 01/06/2011 22:49

My SIL (our DHs are brothers) and I were preg at the same time and she was worried about "stealing my thunder" because I announced mine first, which was ridiculous! I was thrilled. Our DCs are a week apart exactly and it's been great. Keep ttc, for sure!

hairylights · 01/06/2011 22:53

How very bizarre. How on earth does another persons pregnancy affect you ttc in any way at all!? I think you need to grow up a little.

superjobeespecs · 01/06/2011 22:59

i'll admit i laughed at this but also understand it perfectly.. my OLDER sis had my niece in early january and i fell preg 2 weeks later and she is going apeshit about it i.e your daughter is already the favourite your the favourite mums going to ignore my kids and your baby will get more at xmas because its 'NEWER!!' also the fact that her OH is my OH's brother doesnt help as the babies will share both grannys and that angers her even more!! she's turned my/our sis in laws against me by saying at first, that i had only PRETENDED to be pg to take attention away from her and her baby now i dont give a monkeys about my sis in laws to be honest their a couple of idiots who follow what miss bossy boots mardy pants says but the fact that they still ignore our daughter and have no interest in the baby bothers me.. luckily i have a gorgeous brilliant incredibly clever hubby to be who's answer to this is as simple as it is true 'at the end of the day our kids have their mum and their dad, the rest of the family can go fk themselves its their loss not ours and certainly not the kids' anyone with such a spiteful relative be warned!!

BooyHoo · 02/06/2011 13:30

Op if your DM was being serious then I'm sorry but what an overbearing cow she is. how dare she think she has any right to dictate to you when you will becoem a mother. you don't have chidlren to fit in round her schedule, you do it because YOU and your partner want to have a family.

i know what it's like to base every decision based on what my parents will say. my mum is very overbearing. but i made a decsion recently to do whatever I want to do without thinking of what she will say. she still butts in and tells me what to do, i just nod and smile and then do whatever i was going to do in the first place.

like the other night at her house, my youngest was getting sleepy and asking for a bottle (i know i know, he shouldn't be having a bedtime bottle but he does) and as i got up to get it my mum said "no, dont get him a bottle, he doesn't need one" i just walked on past her and got it. i didn't even look at her or acknowledge her interference. she will get the hint eventually.

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