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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am i being unreasonable?!

41 replies

TreacleChops · 31/05/2011 23:01

both myself and my partner have been unofficially TTCing since summer of last year, decided to make it official (to each other) in January of this year and still no luck.

My sister, who is recently married, has just announced that she is 8 weeks pregnant, and when asked, she said that she wasnt even trying as she wasnt sure she even wanted kids.

I just feel like i've "missed the boat" and now i feel i also have to wait until well after her baby is born until we start TTCing again, as i feel that my family would see my pregnancy as a attention seeking thing rather than a natural occurrence.

My sister is younger than me also, and i feel like because myself and my DP have been sort of trying for a year ish already my body clock is ticking a way madly inside of me!!!

OP posts:

SouthStar · 02/06/2011 13:36

A year is nothing, it sounds like you are a little jealous which is totally understandable but if you did get pregnant soon then it could be such a wonderful thing to have your sister to go through it with.

glassofwhiteanybody · 02/06/2011 13:45

Sounds a bit weird - a baby will come when it comes. It's not a train timetable. Good luck

babybythesea · 02/06/2011 14:16

IME, "officially"TTC means loathing sex and timing yourself and whinging to dh that he has to copulate with you tonight

Love it! My dh commented wryly that saying 'Turn the movie off - it's baby night' was not exactly the sexiest chat up line ever!

OP - don't stop trying just because someone else is pg. I know what it feels like to 'miss the boat'. Since we started trying, 2 cousins and one friend have all announced imminent babies, 2 of them total accidents. TBH my biggest worry is that my sister has also been trying for a while and that at the moment we can console each other - when one of us eventually falls it will hit the other that bit harder. Still, babies have a way of making their way into the world when they are ready. You have to do what is right for you, and not what is right for your sister. And the two cousins can have a great time causing havoc as they grow up together!

EssexGurl · 02/06/2011 16:03

My cousin is 6 weeks older than me. We were like sisters growing up and I love her to death. As someone has already said, it is not a competition. Given that you have been ttc for almost a year, it will happen when it will happen so don't give up now.

Also, don't believe all that "I wasn't trying" rubbish. A good friend of DH's is a doctor who was GP for a long time. Her view is that only very young girls genuinely have "accidents".

cjel · 02/06/2011 16:09

Please take no notice of your dm, if she meant it so what ? how will it effect her life if you have a baby? Please have fun and enjoy your baby when it arrives!!!

blackeyedsusan · 02/06/2011 16:12

sod your mum... she is being very unreasonable. keep trying. it may not happen for a year anyway.

QuackQuackSqueak · 02/06/2011 16:19

You should not in a million years stop trying to conceive just because someone else you know or are related to is pregnant. If everyone did that hardly anyone would have babies as by the time it's "your turn" you could have left it too late.

Why would your family think you are attention seeking? Do they often have that opinion of you?

"don't you dare get pregnant for at least 12 months"

What's that supposed to mean? Only you know as only you know your mum. By either way it's none of her business. You can't wait until you have your mums permission.

How old are you? You say you've been pill free since 09 but have you been having unprotected sex since then?

QuackQuackSqueak · 02/06/2011 16:31

Also, don't believe all that "I wasn't trying" rubbish. A good friend of DH's is a doctor who was GP for a long time. Her view is that only very young girls genuinely have "accidents"

Well that's a load of rubbish. Just because someone is a GP doesn't mean they can make such sweeping statements, which are quite franky, ludicrous! I have at least one grown woman friend who had a genuine accident. It was such an accident that it took her the whole pregnancy to come around to the idea. I don't suppose she's the only one!

BooyHoo · 02/06/2011 16:59

one GP's opinion is not fact you know!! GP's can have warped opnions too you know? they dont have a mind reading facility.

magicmelons · 02/06/2011 17:05

Oh goodness yabu.

I'm pregnant an i really want my sil to have a baby soon too as there is a 4 year age gap between my youngest and this dc. My dc are really close and they have a cousin who is month older. I would like this baby to have those sort of relationships.

kaid100 · 02/06/2011 19:54

My wife and her sister had babies eight weeks apart and there was none of this nonsense. It's none of their business if you conceive in the near future, and actually it's good to have cousins of similar age since they can play together. You can truthfully say that you have been TTCing for much longer, and that cousins close in age are a reason for everyone concerned to be happy.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 02/06/2011 20:06

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your sister, but a bit of honesty might not go amiss.

along the lines of "I am soooo please that you are pregnant, just between us we've being trying for a year and I've been off the pill since XX, we may have to visit the GP soon if things don't start happening"...

(My dsis (I really do love them) probably couldn't help but discuss it with dm (although I would have told her first)).

I do think something needs to be relayed to your (not so ) dm as hopefully if things happen for you, it would be really unkind of her to take the shine off your preganancy. She might just be planning to help your dsis and you loads and can't see how she could stretch herself 2 ways (although it can be done dsis's and I had 8 GC in under 6 years between us there was a time when it was pretty much garunteed one of us was pregnant ). Although from your post I'm not convinced.

JoniRules · 02/06/2011 20:11

I think YABU...don't be silly! Keep TTC

Original poster

TreacleChops · 02/06/2011 21:16

That is exactly what i feel will happy superjob and your right, because i have spoke to my dp in length about how i feel and he's like "well, if we do fall pregnant, and your parents are like the way you think they will be then stuff em! at least our kids will have one set of gparents (his side)".

OP posts:

superjobeespecs · 03/06/2011 12:48

its horrible to have some ppl in your family that can be so immature and spiteful but as we're both blessed with clever OH's :) i think you should carry on ttc hopefully when it happens they'll be supportive but if not screw them as your OH says babby 'll still have his folks :) as mine says all a baby needs is its mummy and daddy and a lot of love :)

MCos · 03/06/2011 13:32

OP, if you have been off pill since 09, please get some fertility tests organised. And don't dream of stopping TTC because of your sisters pregnancy.

Ignore your mother's comment - it was most likely a fly away comment coming, especially considering she is not aware that you are TTC.

Best of luck.

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