Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

discovered husband on dating website!!

43 replies

lillybeebee · 27/05/2011 09:55

We have actually seperated (less than 2 months ago) he is still in the house for the next few weeks.

It was all amicable.. etc - been together over 15 years, got kids.. etc

But he keeps sitting in the lounge on his phone chatting to women !!

I think it is totally disrespectful and he should wait until he moves out to do stuff like that !!

What do you all think??

He thinks he is doing nothing wrong, but under my nose doing it !! Out of order I think !!

OP posts:
duchesse · 27/05/2011 09:57

Why is even he still there if he's already in single guy about town mode? Kick him out now.

He is treating you with the utmost disrespect and behaving like an absolute tosser. You sound lucky to be rid of him.

squeakytoy · 27/05/2011 09:57

Is he doing it to wind you up?

GilbertsGrapes · 27/05/2011 09:59

I agree with squeaky. I suspect he is trying to wind you up. Was it a mutual decision to split?

Original poster
lillybeebee · 27/05/2011 10:00

That is exactly what I said to him, but he said he I can't throw him out and he won't leave!

I said I don't mind him moving on, but he should have waited until he left the house - so disrespectful !

OP posts:
Original poster
lillybeebee · 27/05/2011 10:01

yes it was a mutual decision and was all totally amicable until last night !!

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 27/05/2011 10:01

Is it perhaps not as amicable as you thought? Who actually said the words "I think we should split up" and what were the reasons?

It sounds to me like he is either trying to wind you up like squeaky said, trying to make you jealous so you get back with him or proving a point that he is soooo over you. Either way he is being an arsehole and I agree with duchesse that he should sling his bloody hook.

Original poster
lillybeebee · 27/05/2011 10:02

ugh men !!

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 27/05/2011 10:03

oh and see a solicitor because he is sadly mistaken if he thinks that you cant chuck him out. Just the threat alone may be enough for him to stop being such a disrespectful dickhead and atleast take his "chats" out from under your nose.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 27/05/2011 10:03

He's doing it to wind you up, you've remarked on it, he lknows he's got under your skin.

Yes it is disrespectful and completely lacking in sensitivity, not only for you but for any dc you have.

You could be grown up and move to another room

Or If he's doing it where you want to sit in the evenings you could be really annoying shout "darling dinners ready" really loudly (enough so his lady friend could hear) or some such (baby I'm going to bed now,I'll be waiting for you) or any other vomit inducing comment. at the very least I will warn the other women, that he has a history....

squeakytoy · 27/05/2011 10:04

I dont think you can just throw someone out though, if they own half the house and there is no violence in the relationship.

duchesse · 27/05/2011 10:06

There's difference between "can't" technically, and waiting til he goes out to chuck all his stuff out on the front garden and changing the locks.

MonstaMunch · 27/05/2011 10:07

you are separated, nothing to do with you if he is on a dating website

Bogeyface · 27/05/2011 10:07

You can take it to court to get him to move out, which admittedly is a bit extreme but I would let him know I was going to a solicitor and was considering court etc to see if the threat would work.

Original poster
lillybeebee · 27/05/2011 10:09

He is online chatting to people on the dating website - all online chat.

We do have kids - our eldest was trying to talk to him and asked me what he was doing on his phone and why he wasnt listening to her!

The principle of him being on there and moving on does not bother me in the slightest, but when he says on there that he lives alone without his kids on his dating profile is not only disrespectful to me, but also to our kids!
As I said, I also think he should have waited a few more weeks until he was out of the marital home.

Even had the cheek to tell me he doesn't want me having any men in the house when he is gone!!

What a tosser !!

OP posts:
Original poster
lillybeebee · 27/05/2011 10:11

oh.. and I am the one who pays all the bills !! including his phone bill and the credit card bill that he has put his membership on !!

OP posts:
DorisIsAPinkDragon · 27/05/2011 10:12

I think I would tell him point blank that as he has I will be moving on with my life when I am ready.

The bit about not talking to his dc is sad they will notice but they will also realise he is a bit of a twat too.

knittedbreast · 27/05/2011 10:13

stop paying it then

duchesse · 27/05/2011 10:13

oh.. and I am the one who pays all the bills !! including his phone bill and the credit card bill that he has put his membership on !!

Erm, why? Hmm You can stop that straight away.

MmeLindor. · 27/05/2011 10:14

Get legal advice about whether you can force him to move out (if you want to take that step considering you only have to wait another couple of weeks). Why is not moving out before then?

Then stop paying his bills. If he wants to chat to other women, then he can do it on his own dime.

But you cannot stop him doing so. If your marriage is truly over, then he is allowed to move on, just as you are.

Original poster
lillybeebee · 27/05/2011 10:15

oh well... my rant is over.. thanks for listening :)
just had to get it off my chest - I am not going to let him bother me. I don't think he will dare to do it in the house now anyway !

I will stick it out for the next few weeks for the sake of my kids, but I can't wait for him to leave now!

A shame, because we were all so amicable and he went and ruined it. We are splitting because of his selfish ways (as you can see!!)

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 27/05/2011 10:16

If he is living the single life then let him pay his own bills why you would even pay his phone or credit card bill is beyond me.

TheLadyEvenstar · 27/05/2011 10:17

Why are you allowing this to go on?

You are seperated but living together? Surely a solicitor can serve him notice to vacate the property?

I would be reporting the card as stolen and getting a replacement which he didn't know about, would be handing him a list of the bills split into 2. ANd give him a firm date on which you want him out, if the solicitor won't do it.

MonstaMunch · 27/05/2011 10:18

so unless you actively went and looked and checked up on him, you wouldnt have been any the wiser

again, its nothing to do with you OP, nor is your lovelife anything to do with him

Original poster
lillybeebee · 27/05/2011 10:18

I am not paying any more of his bills - he was out of work, but has a job now.
I have sorted his bills out for him to pay now.

He can also do his own washing and cooking for the next few weeks too !

OP posts:
Original poster
lillybeebee · 27/05/2011 10:20

My friend does online dating and recognised his photo - how embarrassing !!

I really don't care about it, I just don't want him doing it sitting in the lounge while we are all in there !

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread