Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this was a crap response

44 replies

posterofagirl · 26/05/2011 21:19

So this is my first AIBU and I am 39 weeks pregnant, please be gentle.

I was in Sainsburys yesterday when a little girl (maybe 3ish) came charging up the aisle from the tills and ran headlong into me and my basket. She was looking right at me and I didn't have time to move (without the aid of a crane)

She may have shocked herself a little bit when she caught the basket and I was about to check she was OK when she punched me in the leg, hard enough to leave a mark.

Luckily at this point her mother decided to intervene (she had been watching from the till) and sauntered towards us saying 'oh Tasmin' in a most disappointed voice.

That was it. No apology to me, no discipline at all for the child.

Please tell me I am not being unreasonable to think this is just not OK at all. I didn't need the child to be burned at the stake but some acknowledgement that the behaviour was wrong and some sort of apology may have prevented me having to have a good cry and some cakes before I was able to drive home.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 26/05/2011 21:22

well it's not all bad if it meant you got cake!!!

no, seriously of course you aren't being unreasonable to expect the mother to do more than an "oh Tamsin" to the child. I'd have been very embarassed if my child had done that, and I'd have apologised to you as well as disciplining my child.
Unless the mother couldn't really see what happened?

oh, and never be afraid to say to a child "well, THAT wasn't very nice was it?" with an evil glare.

SouthStar · 26/05/2011 21:25

You dont know how the mother handled it tho, she may have left it untill they were in the car or maybe at home to talk to her about it so they didnt cause a scene. At the very least she could have apologised on behalf of the child if she wasnt going to make the child do it!

pinguwings · 26/05/2011 21:26

The Mum may not have seen her hit you.

It's not great behaviour but the lo was probably shocked and reacted out of pain, embarrassment and fear.

You will always, always see parenting you disagree with. Try not to get worked up about it.

listeningstick · 26/05/2011 21:26

Unfortunately a symptom of the society we live in today, the kid will probably end up a spoiled insufferable brat.

Firawla · 26/05/2011 21:28

no yanbu, that is pretty crap parenting from the mother!
bad enough running right into you but then to top it off with a punch Shock if my child did that he would be made to apologise straight away, i would also have apologised myself, and child properly told off

TragicallyHip · 26/05/2011 21:28

Maybe she didn't see her hit you? YANBU tho, I would have apologised!

Guitargirl · 26/05/2011 21:30

YANBU. I don't know what the mother was thinking tbh.

Original poster
posterofagirl · 26/05/2011 21:32

The mom most certainly saw it all, I'm not sure anything less extreme would have made her shift herself.

I don't blame the LO, she was obviously quite suprised I wasn't more bouncy and had a sharp edge!

OP posts:
blueeyedmonster · 26/05/2011 21:33

I would have thought the mother would have appologised to you at least whether she saw her hit you or not.

WinkyWinkola · 26/05/2011 21:34

Well, yes, you're right, definitely an apology for you should have been offered.

But many parents choose not to discipline their children in public because it can be really humiliating. She might have just told her off five seconds ago and simply didn't have the energy to do it again so soon. You just don't know.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. My 4 year old dd is so hostile and aggressive, it's bonkers. In order to ensure that I compensate for her behaviour in public, I think I would have to stand still for 20 minutes saying, "Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry." and explaining things to her over and over why she shouldn't do the hitting/spitting/kicking thing. Wink

I do say sorry and scowl at explain to her etc but sometimes you just don't want to do it for the umpteenth time and sometimes innocent passersby like your good self, op, are often the victims of the tiddlers' bad behaviour. I think what I'm trying to say is perhaps be a bit more forgiving of careworn parents! They 'fail' a lot.

Choufleur · 26/05/2011 21:36

YANBU. She could have at least apologised even if she didn't the punch.

strandedbear · 26/05/2011 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

manicbmc · 26/05/2011 21:40

Stuff humiliating. If a kid gets told off every time (SN permitting of course as no amount of telling off would have made the slightest bit of difference to my ds) then they will learn not to display the bad behaviour.

There should have been some discipline and the child should have been made to apologise.

Why should other people suffer because you can't be bothered to discipline your child?

WinkyWinkola · 26/05/2011 21:41

There is never any slack given to parents, is there?

Every single misdemeanour done by a child is always such a big sodding deal and must be dealt with in the right way or else.

abbierhodes · 26/05/2011 21:42

Winkywinkola, I don't think it matters how many times your child has misbehaved, there's no excuse for letting it go! That's lazy parenting in my book.

LadyOfTheCuntryManor · 26/05/2011 21:42

I would have smacked the little bastard.

But I'm cruel like that.

WinkyWinkola · 26/05/2011 21:44

"That's lazy parenting in my book"

Not if you've already told them off 17 times already that morning and simply don't have the nrg to do it again.

manicbmc · 26/05/2011 21:44

I'm a parent. With a very very challenging ds who would make most other peoples' kids look like a walk in the park. If a kid gets mixed messages with discipline then they don't learn how to behave and the behaviour gets worse. Yes, you should deal with every incident.

Original poster
posterofagirl · 26/05/2011 21:45

I did feel I should have said something if only to stop her running into someone else and possibly genuinely hurting herself, but I was slow and sleepy and a bit nervy about other peoples children.

OP posts:
abbierhodes · 26/05/2011 21:46

WinkyWinkola Thu 26-May-11 21:44:02

"That's lazy parenting in my book"

Not if you've already told them off 17 times already that morning and simply don't have the nrg to do it again.

Yes, it is! If your children know you're going to give in eventually they'll keep misbehaving.

WinkyWinkola · 26/05/2011 21:49

Erm but some people just run out of energy. It's human.

The mother should have apologised. That was slack but perhaps she has her own way of dealing with the minor situation. In private. You just don't know.

SouthStar · 26/05/2011 21:49

I live abroad at the moment and the one big difference here is that they will not think twice about putting your child in his/her place. In the uk we seem too scared to say anything about anyones behavior.

I was at the tills one day both kids in the trolley ds snatched something off dd and the lady behind the till told my son off..... He cried his eyes out and then apologised to his sister. I see nothing wrong with someone else telling either of my kids off if they do something wrong. So I agree with thisisyesterday never be afraid to say something.

listeningstick · 26/05/2011 21:50

"I would have smacked the little bastard."

I didnt want to say it but youre right in principle.

RevoltingPeasant · 26/05/2011 21:52

An older little boy (7?) ran into me at the supermarket a few weeks ago (he had been mucking about for ages, parents not doing much about it). I don't have DCs yet, but am experienced around dogs, and my instinctive reaction was to hold up one finger and say 'No!' very firmly.

Blush

He looked rather taken aback.....

razzlebathbone · 26/05/2011 21:52

YANBU! I would have been absolutely mortified if one of my children did that. I wouldn't be able to apologise enough. Your kid hits a heavily pregnant woman in the supermarket and you say nothing. wtf!