To think that this was a crap response

[posterofagirl]

So this is my first AIBU and I am 39 weeks pregnant, please be gentle.

I was in Sainsburys yesterday when a little girl (maybe 3ish) came charging up the aisle from the tills and ran headlong into me and my basket. She was looking right at me and I didn't have time to move (without the aid of a crane)

She may have shocked herself a little bit when she caught the basket and I was about to check she was OK when she punched me in the leg, hard enough to leave a mark.

Luckily at this point her mother decided to intervene (she had been watching from the till) and sauntered towards us saying 'oh Tasmin' in a most disappointed voice.

That was it. No apology to me, no discipline at all for the child.

Please tell me I am not being unreasonable to think this is just not OK at all. I didn't need the child to be burned at the stake but some acknowledgement that the behaviour was wrong and some sort of apology may have prevented me having to have a good cry and some cakes before I was able to drive home.

OP, were you serious about the crying?

Ok Winky try a severely autistic child day in day out who displays behaviour so challenging that he needs 3:1 support - then tell me you're tired.

You're making a rod for your own back if you don't deal with discipline in a clear, consistent way.

Well just because it's human doesn't make it right. I ran out of energy years ago. You just have to keep on. It's part of being a parent. If a child hits someone, you tell them off and apologise. It's really straightforward. There's no excuse not to.

Of course it doesn't make it right not to apologise for the child's behaviour.

It is your right as a parent though to deal with that child as you see fit whether in public or private. And of course, excluding abuse.

And fwiw, I think it rather ott of the op to cry about the kid not getting told off.

And manicbmc, "Ok Winky try a severely autistic child day in day out who displays behaviour so challenging that he needs 3:1 support - then tell me you're tired."

Tired is tired. Sometimes one is more tired than on other days. When you're knackered from your own work, you don't think, "Well, I could be more tired."

How does one gauge exactly if one is more tired than someone else exactly?

Sometimes parents mess up, it's true. But I wouldn't really cry about it unless you were really hurt.

YANBU. My son a similar age and prone to looning about around the till. If it had been my children careening about, if I had seen the punch I'd have certainly insisted on my son apologising. In fact if I had seen him make contact by accident running about like a loon I'd have insisted on him apologising too.

There are things you let go or turn a blind eye to when you're knackered or to "pick your battles" but punching a stranger isn't one of them!

Tired is tired - you're right. But giving in because you're tired is counter productive because they'll keep misbehaving, not learn what's expected of them, which will wear you down further and for longer. And you'll still be tired. Plus, as time goes on, the behaviour gets harder and harder to deal with.

Sorry to be sounding a bit OTT but it's true. I see it at work all the time. Those kids who are always in trouble are the ones, usually, that haven't been given consistent parenting. Their behaviour is bad because they haven't been given a simple, clear idea of how to behave.

YANBU.
Horrid experience, horrid child, horrid mother.

good luck with the baby!

Yes but what I'm saying is that the mother might well have dealt with it. Just not in front of the terribly shocked and crying op.

And yes, the mother should have said sorry to the op.

Reins.
I know alot of people don't approve of them but mine were on reins until they were at least 3 especially near roads and in busy places, so we never had the running away thing.
YANBU to expect the mum to make the child apologise, do the same herself and tell the child off at the time or they might not understand later.

Yes but she didn't even apologise for the behaviour.

Reins - couldn't have left the house without them. :D

I didn't cry at the time, just got a bit hormental later!

mother should have appologised for daughters behaviour. i would have. I would have also used the naughty step (or any spot around the supermarket) or withdrawn any treats. No wonder the kid behaves that way when there is no discipline.

That's bizarre, I can only think the mother was having a very dozey moment or just could not see very well (out shopping without her glasses?).
of course yanbu.

You poor thing. Of course the mother should have apologised, and to be honest, I'm not at all surprised your emotions got the better of you.

Winky, I really think that you need to remember that your child will not understand that it isn't being not disciplined because you are tired. Instead, with a 3 (or 4) year old brain, simply there comes a point in the day when it doesn't matter any more.

In fact, if you could get those 17 telling offs over and done with early enough in the day - just think of all the fun that could happen...

I would have grabbed the little shit by the arm that she used to punch me, marched her back to her mother and told the mother what she'd done and asked her what she was going to do about it, so personally I think your response was quite measured

That's terrible...really bad.

Children need discipline...and if that child doesn't get told off or taught that her bad behaviour is wrong she's likely to turn into a rather nasty adult.

"Winky, I really think that you need to remember that your child will not understand that it isn't being not disciplined because you are tired. Instead, with a 3 (or 4) year old brain, simply there comes a point in the day when it doesn't matter any more."

Eh? Yes, the behaviour was unacceptable and the child should have been told off or explained why it was so.

And it is better to deal with it there and then but you know what, sometimes, just sometimes it feels like too much.

And perhaps that particular mother had just had enough right there and then.

I very much doubt her child will grow up to be a monster because of it.

Punching a stranger is quite a big misdemeanour IMO!

The mum may have run out of energy to discipline her child - we've all been there, haven't we? But how hard is it to just say Sorry to the OP?!

When it all gets too much, I understand how easy it is to let things go a bit in your own home but if there's an incident involving a member of the public it needs to be dealt with properly - whether you are tired or not.