in that 'talking dirty' makes me cringe?!

[alwaysfeelingthestrain]

a friend of mine showed me some messages she had been sending to her DP and the things he had sent back and it actually made me laugh.

So come on then how do you do it properly. I wouldnt have a clue where to start!!

You're trying to get MNers to talk dirty to you?

There's an obvious conclusion to draw here...

Anyway, talking dirt.

I find Ecover Stain Remover is good. I've also got plans to try white vinegar on a particularly stubborn tomato stain.

if i cannot get shit stains out of nappies i hand them on the line - sunlight does it.

I think this is the thread you're looking for

I dont hang stained fairy hammocks on the line though as neighbours would probably find that a bit disturbing.

alwaysfeelingthestrain, I want to cover you in mud and stick empty toffee wrappers on you.

Ooh, that was gooood. How was it for you?

Ask your friend OP

This reminds me of Ross in Friends.

Erm, umm, vulva?

Misunderstood I think! I don't want to know what people say I want to know how anyone manages to do it seriously! my friend's answer was that she doesn't and was sending the messages to her DP whilst she was cleaning the kitchen

DH tells me not to, because

a) I'm not very good at it and

b) his secretary has instant access to his messages

You've only got to say the words 'hard' 'fast' 'wet' and the occasional 'I bet you do '

It's pretty yawnsome

Its easy you imagine you are doing or going to do what you text/say.

Some find it easy, others don't there is knack to it.

I have tried it when I don't see DP for a while. (We don't live together if it's my weekend with my kids we could go nearly a week without seeing each other)

I just find it cringeworthy and it makes me feel stupid and immature.

I've tried it but always worry I sound like a dick so don't bother anymore. If I did it by text I think I would have to type the message out and then press send as fast as I could

reminds me of this

adults only(scary movie)

it must be cringey never done it

Thingumy, does that mean "I'm cleaning the hard food stains, rubbing fast and making sure the cloth is wet" would work?

I did try it but me and DH ended up pissing ourselves laughing

tech I might try that one tonight

Give it a bit of ooh baby, and big boy, with the odd wink and he'll be done and snoozing in no time.

I don't know why I admit this kind of stuff on MN but I'm rather good at talking dirty.

But I'm crap at sex.

Ah well, can't have it all.

TALKING DIRTY is a personal individualistic thing. You cant write a script really Well, I suppose people who swear all the time will talk that way when making love

All pre-show and no main act ShowOfHands?

You talk dirty enough for long enough and nobody notices the lack of show I find.

Let's face it, us blokes are finished long before the main event anyway.

Trouble is, if you build it up, you've got to see it through. Best check that there's nothing good on telly later, before you start.